Comments on: Temperament

By: Nikki

Nikki — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:14:11 +0000

No you can’t wait until you have an adult child because by then it is too late. There may be no relationship left to salvage. You have to work on it all through the child’s life and come to a point of love and understanding where you can both participate from and feel good about things.

By: Jeni

Jeni — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:17:22 +0000

What can you do to help the temperaments to mesh? Do you have to wait until the child is grown before that can happen or does there need to be some give and take all throughout the formative years? That is what I vote for because otherwise the relationship will always have a dangerous quality to it.

By: Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:31:22 +0000

Based on what I’ve seen in my own clients, nurture seems to edge out. We learn from our parents and primary caregivers about how to “be” based on their responses to us - and each other. Clearly temperement - and levels of resilience - can impact how people respond to their environment in a helpful way - and a not so helpful way. The same goes for how parents deal with temperement of their children. I agree with Sandy about how scary it is when the children act more like an adult than the parents! What I enjoy are the clients who grew up in horrendous situations - but due to temperement - and resilience - have risen like a “phoenix out of the ashes.” These clients are truly exhilirating and never cease to amaze me.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Fri, 30 May 2008 12:14:39 +0000

I see a lot of relationships where the children know how to be more of an adult than their parents actually are so that is the scary thing with this whole topic. There are bound to be confrontations when neither party is adult enough to know that their temperament is only adding fuel to the fire.

By: Margo

Margo — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:06:36 +0000

There is no doubt that temperament plays a huge role in how people react in certain situations. The big question is are the adults in the situation going to indeed be adult enough to get a handle on their emotions and do the right thing?

By: upstatesc

upstatesc — Wed, 28 May 2008 22:33:43 +0000

When are parents going to realize that how they deal with a situation greatly influences the behavior of their child? When your own behavior escalates naturally so is that of the child. Temperament or not there are ways to handle certain situations and ways you should not and I strongly feel that nurture and parent behavior greatly dictates a lot of this.

By: maddie

maddie — Tue, 27 May 2008 11:43:09 +0000

A child’s temperament can have a great deal of control over how parents react in certain situations, and vice versa. Parents and children together, but especially the parents, have to work on a model for getting along that takes all of these things into consideration so that situations do not reach boiling points due to this.

By: Cynthia V

Cynthia V — Mon, 26 May 2008 16:38:40 +0000

Well I think that can be true in some cases. I think that like everything else in life there is a healthy balance which has to be found. There are some aspects which are innately ours and others which are a virtue of what was learned and taught. In some people the nature role wins out and in others it is the nurture side. I think this is very much an individual thing.

By: Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD

Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD — Mon, 26 May 2008 05:05:20 +0000

I see the impact temperament has on parents, teachers and caregivers on a daily basis…as a parent, as a psychotherapist and as a consultant to Head Start programming. The more we understand temperament and how to BEST respond to each temperament, the better chances we have at raising emotionally intelligent children. Oftentimes, I have seen individuals attribute negative connotations and labels to children based upon behavior, which was derived from the child’s basic temperament and constitution. While I agree that parenting and caregiving can help a child learn to self-regulate and manage his/her emotions, I also know that temperament is REAL and that the adults are the ones that need to learn to adjust and provide meaningful interactions with “difficult” or “challenging” children. The more we learn about temperament, the more we see that there are many types of “normal”. (This has nothing and everything to do with behavior management. I am not suggesting that we chalk up misbehavior for a “temperamental” glitch…rather, I know that we need to address and respond to misbheavior. However, we need to recognize that temperament has a REAL and LASTING impact on the very behavior with which we are dealing. Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD

By: gamecock96

gamecock96 — Sun, 25 May 2008 18:19:30 +0000

But what about those of us who did grow up in a loving nurturing environment and still end up with things that go wrong? Don’t you think that this can be a cse for nature winning out over nurture?

By: Kyle

Kyle — Sat, 24 May 2008 12:35:50 +0000

Total agreemnet with you on that one Jeanette. Nature does play a role but I think that kids give what they get- you model for them with your own behavior and they imitate and grow up like the only role models they know.

By: Jeanette

Jeanette — Sat, 24 May 2008 03:58:23 +0000

I am afraid that I have to disagree on this one. There are some elements of a person’s temperament which are hardwired into that person but I really believe that a child behaves the way they are taught and modeled to behave, and that is thru nurture. They will simply give back what they receive.