Blogging on Good Therapy

by Jaelline Jaffe, PhD

Click here to contact Jaelline and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

There is an old Chinese proverb: “Tell me, I forget. Show me, I remember. Involve me, I understand.” Kids are often visual and kinesthetic learners. Talking at them, or even with them, is usually not nearly as effective as getting them involved in something concrete, before going to the abstract.

In conducting a counseling program for adolescents, I hear an unfortunate number of them talk about their lives as if they are over. This girl feels like a failure because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. That boy is drinking and using heavily. Those over there are running with a tagging crew or a gang. Some cannot imagine living to age 25.

Because so many kids are stronger in visual and kinesthetic intelligences than in verbal or mathematical, I find it is much easier to connect with them and to get an idea across if they can see it and experience it, than if they just hear it. In group or individually, I ask them, “Who is the oldest person in your family?” or “How old was your grandpa when he died?” The answer usually is around 75.

I get out two yardsticks and lay them end to end, saying, “Let’s imagine each inch represents one year. How many years do we have here? Right – 72 – so if your grandpa was 75, he lived longer than the length of these two yardsticks. Let’s see – you are 14 (or whatever their age is). So that’s right here on the measure. Hmm, just over one foot, and there are six feet here, so you are only about 1/6 the age of your grandpa. You know that longevity tends to run in the family, so it looks like you have a long way to go … unless you get hit by a car or a bullet or get really sick or something. Did you ever ask grandpa what his life was like at 14, whether he had any idea how long he’d be around or what kinds of things might happen in his life?”

Just going this far with the activity can have a big impact. I have seen that proverbial light go on, when they actually see the length of their lives laid out on that simple yardstick.

From there, we often go to another activity, a timeline. First, I draw a sample on the board or a sheet of paper, to give them the general idea of the project. Working independently, they draw a horizontal line across the middle of a sheet of paper, at least 8.5×14 or larger. The left end is their birth and the right end is the present. Then they add perpendicular lines above and below the timeline. Lines going up are for positive experiences, and down are for negative ones. A shorter line indicates a small good or bad event, while a longer line means something much more extreme in either direction. Each of these lines is labeled to show what it represents: starting kindergarten, getting a pet, sister’s birth, going to the hospital, moving to a different school, etc. If desired, kids can use drawings in addition to or instead of words to identify each event. These timelines are then shared with the group, with each person describing as much (or as little) as is comfortable. They discover commonalities, as well as differences in perspective. For example, ”dad left” could be a huge negative for one person, but a positive for another.

The following session, I return their papers. Now they are instructed either to work on the back or on a new sheet, and draw another timeline, this one starting with the present and projecting into the future, to the age of the oldest person in their family. (NOTE: This is an important instruction, because otherwise, some will show their life ending at age 21 or so. Another extension of this activity is to discuss what choices or chances could lead them to live a longer or shorter time.) Again, they fill in the markers of what they anticipate will be the high and low points, if they were to live to that age. This, of course, is more difficult for some than for others, and leads to discussions about having dreams, goals, and anticipations.

A natural follow up is a series of activities on goal setting and steps to achieve goals. Another follow-up is a series I created called “I Have a Dream, Too.” This pamphlet of activities helps them identify dreams, goals, and how to get there.

Adolescents are generally eager learners when the subject is “Me.” The yardstick, timeline and other such activities actively engage even the most reluctant kid into some self-exploration.

©Copyright 2008 by Jaelline Jaffe, PhD. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Jaelline and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 27th, 2008 at 11:22 pm and is filed under Child & Adolescent Issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.