Debra

Those kinds of phrases do depend on context–and of course upon how much of a shared use of the phrase there is between therapist and client. I know that sometimes I identify a dynamic in myself in ways that I might not think sound flattering (and I overdo that sometimes, but that’s a whole other issue!), and if a therapist is using a phrase that I’ve introduced myself then it wouldn’t feel judgmental necessarily. It does all depend on the relationship.

I appreciated your willing to think about it and respond–that’s really what makes therapy and therapists a special kind of resource.

I think it’s such a danger of of the therapy relationship that these kinds of power dynamics need to be discussed openly and often. I think about this a lot from the other side in my own profession (college teaching of literature and writing), because some similar kinds of power dynamics (not on such a close/deep level, but with larger amounts of people) can show up there too.

Thanks,
eeabee

Thank you for taking the time to comment. For that matter, the same applies to all whom have shared on the article/topic, as well.
I want to take this opportunity to respond to your comments.

The line regarding the “client’s plunge toward self-pity” was born out of a session that examined how the client benefited from romantic pursuits (rescuers) who perpetuated his negative feelings about self. By remaining in the victim position, he secured protection from looking at his own issues, taking risks, and most importantly owning his own behavior that kept him safely stuck in the problem and avoidant of the solutions.

I admit that the word cynical does not sound therapeutically supportive. Yet it aptly described the tenor of this client’s process; oppressed, helpless, and powerless.

There is no excuse for judgement nor meanspirited superiority. That being said my therapeutic style does not work for everyone. It is direct and upfront and I don’t pull any punches. Nor would I tip-toe around or ignore issues that present for examination if the client is open or willing to do so.

As he moved toward self empowerment he began to understood and thus “get” his unconscious need to be dependent and thus become a “victim” by his own hand. He also gave up his need for sarcasm and cynical barbs.

As a therapist, therapeutic consumer and writer, I am open to examination of my own process. For me the greatest therapists are those that were/are willing to own their own shortcomings and acknowledge/own their own style.

So thank you Eeabee for your comments and input. I hope this clarification shed some background on the situation.

Debra L. Kaplan

I am on the client side, not a therapist, so maybe that’s why it hit me this way. I know how important it has been for me to feel like I’m not being looked down upon.

It sounds to me like you’re skillful in many ways and insightful so I’m thinking you might be open to hearing this, and I do intend it helpfully.

But I also wanted to say that I liked what you said about this way of viewing things–it’s a great question and helps reframe the relationship issues and open things up.