Does Your Relationship Need Couple Therapy?
February 3rd, 2008 |by Jennifer B Baxt, LMFT, LMHC
Click here to contact Jennifer and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
Our world is ever changing. Fifty years ago, in the 1950’s, and for all time before that, divorce was almost unheard of. Couples married, and expected to remain married for life. Because divorce was so taboo at that time, couples managed to work out their problems, and make the best of their situations. They simply had to learn how to live together, because the alternative was literally ‘unthinkable’ and not to be considered.
Things have certainly changed! Today, more than half of all marriages end in divorce. We no longer are required to learn how to live with each other, because there is always the option of ‘getting out’ without society ‘marking’ us for the effort. You’ve probably heard of ‘starter marriages.’ You may have thought it was a joke. It isn’t.
The truth is that anyone who is serious about maintaining a relationship will benefit from couple therapy. Even the strongest of relationships can benefit and grow even stronger with the help of a qualified couple’s therapist.
Society mistakenly tends to believe that only those individuals in relationships that are rocky need counseling, but this isn’t so. Note the word ‘individual.’ We are all very individual, separate people. We all have our own way of thinking, and our own way of getting things done – and when two individuals come together to form a relationship, two worlds literally collide.
When you enter into a relationship, there is somebody else that must be considered in all of your decisions and actions, and this is exceedingly hard for many people to adjust to. This is especially true for adults who have ‘been on their own’ for some time.
No matter how well you get along with your significant other – whether you live in the same household or not – you will find that couples therapy will not only give you and your partner a foundation on which you can build, but that you will also gain greater understanding as to how that person thinks and operates. This alone makes it easier to maintain the relationship down the road, when life throws problems your way – as life does indeed tend to do.
Couple therapy can be carried out in a variety of ways, with a variety of counseling methods. Some therapists will work with only one or two methods, while others will work with the method that they and the couple deem best for that particular couple, and their particular problems, if any exist.
Look at it this way – if you do not seek couple therapy when everything is still okay, you can bet that when things go wrong, the therapy will not only take longer, it will probably cost a great deal more. Furthermore, the relationship may have deteriorated to the point where it cannot be salvaged. Avoid this by entering into couple therapy with your partner while things are still going great! The love that you feel today is worth saving for tomorrow.
©Copyright 2008 by Jennifer B Baxt, LMFT, LMHC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Jennifer and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
February 8th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Couples therapy is indeed a great thing. Sort of like a “stitch in time saves nine” kind of thing. If couples are willing to put in the effort all along, they are much better off. I wonder why more people don’t take advantage of couple’s therapy?
February 8th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I think one obvious reason people don’t seek couple’s therapy is b/c of cost. But, I do think it goes deeper than that. As the author noted, divorce was “taboo” not so long ago. While the taboo surrounding divorce has gone away, the taboo surrounding counseling most certainly has not. Most of the general public views therapy as something someone does when things are going wrong. They don’t see it as a chance for personal growth and development.
February 8th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I have been a couple’s counselor for years. It is interesting the difference b/w the two types of couples that come in-those who are coming in for preventative maintenance and those who come in to put out many a house fire. Those who come in before there are major problems generally do not encounter major relational problems b/c they learn to cut off issues before they become major problems. And, when life throws them a curve ball, they lean on each other for support rather than turning to outside sources.
April 30th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
How do you convince your partner that couples therapy can be beneficial for you and your family, even when there may be no obvious problems? I feel like we have some small things brewing just below the surface that could be better addressed with the help of a profesisonal but I am not sure of how to broach this subject with him.