http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/ <<exploring healthy therapy & counseling>> Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:24:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-8505 Donna Wed, 30 Apr 2008 23:01:09 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-8505 Developing the necessary skills for dealing with and managing conflict in my life has been one of the best rewards that I have received from my counselor. She has taught me the ways to deal with my past issues so that I do not spread those in an unhealthy way to my current familial relationships. For this knowledge I will be eternally grateful. Counseling has made me a better person, and reading this article has affirmed everything that I have learned throughout my journey. Thank you. Developing the necessary skills for dealing with and managing conflict in my life has been one of the best rewards that I have received from my counselor. She has taught me the ways to deal with my past issues so that I do not spread those in an unhealthy way to my current familial relationships. For this knowledge I will be eternally grateful. Counseling has made me a better person, and reading this article has affirmed everything that I have learned throughout my journey. Thank you.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-6457 Dennis Sat, 02 Feb 2008 01:07:12 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-6457 I greatly appreciate that you read the posting and I agree with your comments. Perhaps it would have helped to be more clear if I'd said something like "the dynamic and continuing intersection of two lives". I suspect the "hard" work is never done. There may be periods of relative calm, serenity, contentment and they're followed by further opportunities to learn, opportuities that may feel like anything but a gift. Hence perhaps Dick Schwartz' (IFS) comment about "tor-mentors". Being open to both the continuing unfolding of the reality of you,me and us in relationship can be so very rewarding and equally difficult. I greatly appreciate that you read the posting and I agree with your comments. Perhaps it would have helped to be more clear if I’d said something like “the dynamic and continuing intersection of two lives”. I suspect the “hard” work is never done. There may be periods of relative calm, serenity, contentment and they’re followed by further opportunities to learn, opportuities that may feel like anything but a gift. Hence perhaps Dick Schwartz’ (IFS) comment about “tor-mentors”.
Being open to both the continuing unfolding of the reality of you,me and us in relationship can be so very rewarding and equally difficult.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5791 Lucielle Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:17:02 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5791 To carry that thought further, you can see how someone can lose him or herself in a relationship. You've done the hard work and know you have a good grasp of who you are. Then, rather than perceiving the changes in self that Eitel spoke of, you are too busy trying to know and understand the person with whom you desire a relationship. So, the changes go unnoticed and, before you know it, you have no idea who you are and have to start all over again. So, the wise person in a relationship will always periodically take the time to step back and examine what is happening within. To carry that thought further, you can see how someone can lose him or herself in a relationship. You’ve done the hard work and know you have a good grasp of who you are. Then, rather than perceiving the changes in self that Eitel spoke of, you are too busy trying to know and understand the person with whom you desire a relationship. So, the changes go unnoticed and, before you know it, you have no idea who you are and have to start all over again. So, the wise person in a relationship will always periodically take the time to step back and examine what is happening within.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5789 Eitel Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:14:52 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5789 Gary, that is an interesting question that you pose. But, I think your line of thinking does have at least one fallacy in it. Once you have an understanding of who you are at a point in time, I think the hard work is done. You must keep reevaluating, but if you know yourself well, you'll pick up on even the slightest change and make necessary adjustments to your understanding. So, if you have already done the hard work of initially getting to know who you are, you can be in relationship with someone else. Gary, that is an interesting question that you pose. But, I think your line of thinking does have at least one fallacy in it. Once you have an understanding of who you are at a point in time, I think the hard work is done. You must keep reevaluating, but if you know yourself well, you’ll pick up on even the slightest change and make necessary adjustments to your understanding. So, if you have already done the hard work of initially getting to know who you are, you can be in relationship with someone else.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5787 gary Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:12:28 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5787 Understanding yourself clearly must happen, though, before you understand anyone else. If you can't figure out what makes you as you are, you cannot hope to understand what makes someone else who he or she is. Figuring out who you are does not have an end destination, though. We are constantly changing and evolving in response to life circumstances. So, if we have to know and understand ourselves before anyone else, can we never be in relationship with another? Understanding yourself clearly must happen, though, before you understand anyone else. If you can’t figure out what makes you as you are, you cannot hope to understand what makes someone else who he or she is. Figuring out who you are does not have an end destination, though. We are constantly changing and evolving in response to life circumstances. So, if we have to know and understand ourselves before anyone else, can we never be in relationship with another?

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5785 Johnson Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:10:26 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/01/04/relationship-to-self-and-other/#comment-5785 I really enjoyed this blog. I think that being able to examine yourself and what motivates you is critical to understanding yourself. However, I also think it's important to truly understand that what motivates you may not motivate someone else. Just because you understand yourself well, you aren't guaranteed to understand anyone else. I think a lot of damage is done when people take what they know about themselves and project it onto someone else. I really enjoyed this blog. I think that being able to examine yourself and what motivates you is critical to understanding yourself. However, I also think it’s important to truly understand that what motivates you may not motivate someone else. Just because you understand yourself well, you aren’t guaranteed to understand anyone else. I think a lot of damage is done when people take what they know about themselves and project it onto someone else.

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