http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/ <<exploring healthy therapy & counseling>> Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:23:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6041 jason Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:53:31 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6041 When my couples clients are able to see these dynamics at work, it is a huge "ah-ha" moment for us all. Once my clients can see how they fit into these roles, they are motivated more than ever to make changes and do some hard work. It's as if they are hugely relieved to have a name for their problem. If they can name their problem, they are more able to understand and deal with it. When couples are truly motivated to save their relationships, they can do marvels with uncovering how they fit into the pursuer/distancer role. When my couples clients are able to see these dynamics at work, it is a huge “ah-ha” moment for us all. Once my clients can see how they fit into these roles, they are motivated more than ever to make changes and do some hard work. It’s as if they are hugely relieved to have a name for their problem. If they can name their problem, they are more able to understand and deal with it. When couples are truly motivated to save their relationships, they can do marvels with uncovering how they fit into the pursuer/distancer role.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6039 Jessie Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:51:29 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6039 I have so many clients who fit in these roles. And, as simple as it may sounds, it is so often so hard to help them see what these roles are. Sometimes, I admit that I get frustrated with the lack of progress I seem to facilitate. If it were only this easy, I'd have much happier clients. Then again, if it were this easy, I wouldn't have a job! I guess it is as with most things-all good things take time. I have so many clients who fit in these roles. And, as simple as it may sounds, it is so often so hard to help them see what these roles are. Sometimes, I admit that I get frustrated with the lack of progress I seem to facilitate. If it were only this easy, I’d have much happier clients. Then again, if it were this easy, I wouldn’t have a job! I guess it is as with most things-all good things take time.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6037 niels Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:49:48 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6037 I know what you mean. I am attracted to the "shy, silent" type. But, I am anything but shy and silent. Now, I understand why I have problems in my relationships. Could most of my break ups be attributed to this pursuing versus distancing? I think I'll take a closer look and see. Of course, the good news if that I can still give it another try. I'll have to see what the steps bring and the impact the self corrections have on the success of future relationships. I know what you mean. I am attracted to the “shy, silent” type. But, I am anything but shy and silent. Now, I understand why I have problems in my relationships. Could most of my break ups be attributed to this pursuing versus distancing? I think I’ll take a closer look and see. Of course, the good news if that I can still give it another try. I’ll have to see what the steps bring and the impact the self corrections have on the success of future relationships.

]]> http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6035 Mary Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:47:44 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/09/24/are-you-a-pursuer-or-a-distancer/#comment-6035 I found myself in this blog entry. And, the funny thing is, I wasn't even aware of it. So, thank you for helping me see what I couldn't see myself. I guess that's what this business is about, which is why I love it so much. I love helping people see something they were blind to before. Now that I know what is going on and can see so clearly, I can act on these three steps. I can't wait to see their effect on my relationship! I found myself in this blog entry. And, the funny thing is, I wasn’t even aware of it. So, thank you for helping me see what I couldn’t see myself. I guess that’s what this business is about, which is why I love it so much. I love helping people see something they were blind to before. Now that I know what is going on and can see so clearly, I can act on these three steps. I can’t wait to see their effect on my relationship!

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