Saving Your Sanity in a High Stress World
August 17th, 2007 |Written by John Sovec, MA, MFT Intern
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I recently had an experience outside of a local market that gave me a unique insight into how we can apply the practice of mindfulness in our daily life. I was on my way to shop, going over my grocery list in my head as I drove, with my concentration primarily on remembering the ingredients I would need to make dinner for the evening. As I pulled into the parking lot, which was quite busy, I saw a space and pulled my car in to park. As I opened the door of my car, a man was standing there and he started to yell at me. He was screaming that I had taken his parking space and I was a jerk (a nicer version of what he actually said) for cutting him and his wife off.
At this point I had a choice, I could react back in the same tone as the man screaming at me, rising to his level of anger or I could remain centered in myself throughout the exchange. I choose to stay centered, told the man that I was sorry and offered to move my car so that he could have the space. He did not know how to respond, but got very quite and said no that wasn’t necessary and walked away.
The point in sharing this story is that we often walk around with thoughts of fear and anger that affect the way we interact with the world. Many times during the day we will find ourselves challenged by traffic congestion, angry bosses, family issues, and the constant big city feeling of being late. We are in a permanent cycle of flight or fright; with stress being used as the word to describe this constant low-level fear. The surge of hormones can put unhealthy stresses on the heart and cardio-pulmonary system, blood pressure and respiration rates rise, and physical manifestations can appear either as aches and pains or as more severe illnesses and infections. Negative thoughts and actions also are prevalent in maintaining addiction cycles whether they are drugs, alcohol, sex, or food. Sometimes we even create addictions to the very stress that is killing us, letting negative thoughts rule our mind, ever circling and creating a junkies mentality toward anger and adrenaline while a great deal of harm is done to our physical bodies through this lack of awareness.
We have the ability though, to break free of these cycles. By focusing self-awareness on the thoughts that arise during these challenging life issues we can move into a more complete state of health. How do we judge if an action or thought is the right or wrong choice? We look at the results. Every thought that flies through our brains has the potential to develop into a physical, emotional or spiritual manifestation. As these thought unfold into actions, they either turn into something we feel has a positive truth or become a negative energy that brings on heaviness and worry. By paying attention to these sensations, we can become more aware of taking right action and cultivate it as new skill so that each time a choice comes up we have the understanding of the results of right thoughts and actions.
The tools to manifest this skill are surprisingly simple. Next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, rather than reacting immediately: STOP! Take a breath, scan you body, your thoughts and your feelings. Notice the physical manifestations of the situation and then make a choice that will help to alleviate those stressful reactions. If the car in front of cuts you off, you can scream and rage, or you can breathe and relax. If a spouse yells at you, rather than yelling back, breathe, let them know that you hear them and would like to find a solution to the problem that they are upset about. When children get out of hand rather than snapping at them pause, breathe, look at what’s happening from there point of view and see if there is a way to bring peace to the moment.
We can begin to cultivate this skill to which our body is happy to respond to with positive feedback. In creating a more positive reality, we will find that the results will expand at an exponential rate as our intelligence craves this new and healthier way of being.
This skill can be used to improve interpersonal relationships whether it is with friends, family, partners, or co-workers. By taking this moment to stop, we release the history of our patterns and become alive to the feelings of the present moment. It allows us to experience what is going on and react in a manner that is more conducive to a healthy way of life. In this way we can work to bring peace and equanimity into the world. We may not have the ability to stop a war, or break up a gang, but we can start in a more local manner by treating each other better on a daily basis. By making these small changes in the way we interact, we can live as healthier people with the potential to learn and share with every exchange.
©Copyright 2007 John Sovec, MA, MFT Intern All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. The article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Click here to contact John and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
