Blogging on Good Therapy

Written by Marcia Breitenbach, MA, LPC

Stephen and Barbara face each other, their bodies tense with adrenaline flowing, filled with the ‘fight or flight’ essence. Words and emotions spill from each, creating an energetic pool of fear and confusion. They are engaged in conflict, one of the many battles this couple has played out in their marital life, and now in my psychotherapy office.

Both are desperately afraid, and I point out to them that this fear is at the root of their ongoing struggles. They are each fearful that the other is going to harm them in some way, and fearful that they are not loved, heard by the other, or respected.

I gently guide them to see that this conflict is but a mirror of their inner conflict: their fear has more to do with their harming themselves through lack of self-love, not listening to their inner voice, and not respecting themselves enough.

Most conflicts can be traced back to this simple yet powerful principle. And, often the ‘shadow’ we see in another is the very thing we fear to look at in ourselves. Peace in relationships and peace in the world can grow through the process of learning to love oneself.

What’s Self-Love Got to Do With It?
Just look at the consequences of not loving oneself: you lack confidence and have a hard time getting what you want; you have difficulty being authentic and may put on an act to attract people; you feel like a failure if you “mess up;” you feel like a victim; you put yourself down frequently; and you attract to you people who will reinforce your low self-worth. You then begin to project these feelings of unworthiness onto others, creating discord and distrust.

By loving yourself more: you trust yourself and your abilities; you have no problem being yourself; you feel good about your decisions and learn from your ‘mistakes;’ you know you are responsible for what shows up in your life; and you attract people who are loving, kind and respectful towards you. You create more harmony within yourself, around you, and the ripples spread from there. You become a divine warrior for peace by doing this self-love practice.

Coming Home
When we get disconnected from who we are at our core, our magnificent self, we become fearful, mistrustful and don’t communicate well with friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, and even other countries.

Some degree of lack of self-love resides in everyone on this planet. For some, there is more due to emotional or other abuse at a young age. Self-esteem and self-worth are built from positive beliefs and experiences over time. When children are told they are deficient in some way by parents, teachers, peers or cultural media, they form neural pathways of limiting beliefs in their subconscious minds. Emotions and experiences reinforce these beliefs and we then stray further and further from our divine essence.

Think of your thoughts and your beliefs about yourself and how the world works as the software that runs your life. Unfortunately, much of this software lies hidden within us and we don’t realize how we continually choose to keep running it and allowing it to interfere with all our hard work and the steps we have been taking towards our goals.

By making the choice to nurture our self-worth and self-love, we become connected to our true essence, and it is a “coming home” or returning to what we may have forgotten. As we take the steps to connect more fully with our feelings, to examine and transform limiting beliefs and thoughts, we can open to living a life that is not only more harmonious, but also more passionate, joyful and meaningful. While working with the couple above in psychotherapy, I gave the couple homework to do individually as well as together before our sessions. In addition, I gave them a powerful tool: intentional music.

The process of learning to love oneself better can be done not only in therapy or counseling but also at home and using the enjoyable medium of music!

Music Goes Straight To the Subconscious
In the sixth century, the philosopher Boethius described music as a “principle that unites body, soul, and spirit.” It is this connecting and integrating principle that will help you to harness the power of music for change.

Music can be one of the most effective and enjoyable tools you will use on your journey of loving yourself better. Used intentionally, it is powerful and goes right to work to transform your limiting thoughts and beliefs about who you are and what you can and cannot do.

There are several ways that music helps you to do this including the principle of resonance, the rhythm, change of consciousness, the vibration of the tones, and your emotional response to the music. The vibration of the music brings the message deeper into your being. It’s like a massage to your psyche. This vibration allows the place where the beliefs reside to be loosened, allowing space for the old to be uprooted and lifted out of place, and allows the new beliefs a place to take root. In addition, listening to the song frequently reinforces the strength of the message and its effect in the subconscious mind.

You’ve probably had the experience of having a song repeat over and over in your head, and perhaps at times when you least wanted it there. This is one of the magical qualities of music used intentionally: a powerful song that supports loving yourself more fully will automatically become a ‘running tape’ in your mind with very little encouragement.

Music as Coach
Change happens more easily and efficiently when we have an encouraging coach reminding us of our goals and intents. Music can be a great coach. Simply choose some songs that support your magnificence: songs that speak to who you are at your core. Make sure the lyrics in the songs you choose are saying the words that your subconscious needs to hear. If there are words in the song that your mind could interpret as negative, or that diminish you in some way, it’s best not to use that one.

Begin Your Transformation with Music Today
A Song to Get You Started: “The Magnificent You”

Go to this URL now to hear this song: www.thesongletter.com/indexmagyou.htm

“The Magnificent You song is so beautiful! My heart and eyes are weeping, and my soul is rejoicing! I needed this song so much!” Martha Johnson

“Thank you, you have touched my soul and my heart. Your voice called me from the other side of the river. Your work and music give me the courage to move forward in my life. The journey has begun and I love it.” Dhange Yammanee, Australia and Thailand

“Total head to toe goosebumps! You’ve created something extraordinary.”
Peggy McColl, destinies.com

You will gain the greatest benefit from this song by singing along with it and singing it to yourself. Your voice, and the vibration, tone, rhythm and emotion that you bring to this song, will dramatically increase its power to create positive change in your subconscious mind. Release any judgments you have about your singing voice. Regard it as a gift and tool for your transformation.

Now is The Time to Learn Self-Love and Bring Peace to Your World
Now is the time to own, to really own your personal power. Now is the time to discard feelings and deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness or of feeling you can only have and do so much. You are only as limited as you believe you are. Bring this song into your innermost self and hear, and then sing its power to transform you.

Spending time to learn to love yourself better is not a selfish act. It is part of your purpose while you are in your human form on this planet. It is a necessary service that you give to yourself and to others. It is true that we can only truly love others when we learn to love ourselves. By making this choice today, you can begin to heal the world, one song at a time.

©2007 Copyright Marcia Breitenbach, MA, LPC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. The article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 13th, 2007 at 9:17 pm and is filed under Psychotherapy: Approaches, Models, & Methods. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.