Comments on: When Yelling Is A Pattern http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:06:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: tim http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-55014 tim Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:58:12 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-55014 Dear "Mrs". Your post is riddled with blame towards others for causing you to yell. That is classic. If this was OK to do we would ALL go around yelling all the time. comment: Of course he does I'll bet you make him feel as if he is a screw up so why should he try? No doubt you will get divorced but I bet your husband loves you dearly he just doesn't like your yelling and treating him disrespectfully. I say all this out of personal experience. I'm almost sure its YOU, not them. Please consider this. If not, be alone. That's probably what you secretly want anyway ----- or you wouldn't act this way. Dear “Mrs”. Your post is riddled with blame towards others for causing you to yell. That is classic. If this was OK to do we would ALL go around yelling all the time.

comment: Of course he does I’ll bet you make him feel as if he is a screw up so why should he try?

No doubt you will get divorced but I bet your husband loves you dearly he just doesn’t like your yelling and treating him disrespectfully. I say all this out of personal experience. I’m almost sure its YOU, not them. Please consider this. If not, be alone. That’s probably what you secretly want anyway —– or you wouldn’t act this way.

]]> By: Mrs. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-43417 Mrs. Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:39:20 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-43417 I find myself yelling because talking with my husband hasn't helped. We talk about our issues, and one of them is his avoidance of responsibility. He admits he withdraws and lets me handle the kids, mine and his from his first marriage that he has custody with. On top of this, I deal with his rude, angry, mentally ill ex wife who is constantly causing chaos in our lives. I catch myself yelling and I stop sooner. Sometimes though, when I begin to yell during an argument, I've already asked my husband to let me collect myself but he won't. He will keep talking and being sarcastic or basically forcing me to keep talking when what I really need is to calm down. He's gotten a LITTLE better at letting me go away into another room to recollect but usually takes it as an insult and gets angry! I feel we are never going to get it together. I've resorted to staying in one part of the house most of the time and I'm very depressed. Will probably end up divorcing. I find myself yelling because talking with my husband hasn’t helped.

We talk about our issues, and one of them is his avoidance of responsibility. He admits he withdraws and lets me handle the kids, mine and his from his first marriage that he has custody with. On top of this, I deal with his rude, angry, mentally ill ex wife who is constantly causing chaos in our lives.

I catch myself yelling and I stop sooner. Sometimes though, when I begin to yell during an argument, I’ve already asked my husband to let me collect myself but he won’t. He will keep talking and being sarcastic or basically forcing me to keep talking when what I really need is to calm down.

He’s gotten a LITTLE better at letting me go away into another room to recollect but usually takes it as an insult and gets angry! I feel we are never going to get it together.

I’ve resorted to staying in one part of the house most of the time and I’m very depressed. Will probably end up divorcing.

]]> By: Jim Hutt, Ph.D. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-39069 Jim Hutt, Ph.D. Wed, 17 Nov 2010 16:00:02 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-39069 You might want to ask your couples therapist to teach both of you specific methods of reducing reactivity. If the therapist does not know how to do that, then consider finding one who does. Reducing reactivity can be a complicated task, but by your description, that needs to be the main focus, it seems to me. And reactivity will not lessen by being told to calm down. Specific measures must be taken, which I cannot teach you in this blog. You might want to ask your couples therapist to teach both of you specific methods of reducing reactivity. If the therapist does not know how to do that, then consider finding one who does. Reducing reactivity can be a complicated task, but by your description, that needs to be the main focus, it seems to me. And reactivity will not lessen by being told to calm down. Specific measures must be taken, which I cannot teach you in this blog.

]]> By: Doug http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-39046 Doug Wed, 17 Nov 2010 03:55:33 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-39046 Thanks for the reply and we are seeing a couples therapist and she has admitted all these things in counseling. After a therapy appointment her waking up moment will last maybe for 2-3 days and she has the motivation to be a good mother but it then just starts coming back to rock bottom. Sometimes she walks away from the therapist furious with her and every time wonders why the therapist always seems to come down on her. Her doctor has recommended a personal therapist many times and I try to get my wife to a therapist but she lacks the motivation to go. Any attempt on my part fails and hence the cycle of yelling and slamming repeats itself. Thanks for the reply and we are seeing a couples therapist and she has admitted all these things in counseling. After a therapy appointment her waking up moment will last maybe for 2-3 days and she has the motivation to be a good mother but it then just starts coming back to rock bottom. Sometimes she walks away from the therapist furious with her and every time wonders why the therapist always seems to come down on her. Her doctor has recommended a personal therapist many times and I try to get my wife to a therapist but she lacks the motivation to go. Any attempt on my part fails and hence the cycle of yelling and slamming repeats itself.

]]> By: Jim Hutt, Ph.D. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-39041 Jim Hutt, Ph.D. Tue, 16 Nov 2010 21:53:31 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-39041 Doug, your cry for help is unmistakable. Here's a short answer because I think you will get more out taking action and reading less: find a couples therapist, and see someone as a couple--soon! If your wife will not agree to that, find an individual therapist, see that person, sign a release to have your therapist talk to your wife's therapist. You might also ask your wife if you can come in with her to see her therapist. Doug, your cry for help is unmistakable. Here’s a short answer because I think you will get more out taking action and reading less: find a couples therapist, and see someone as a couple–soon!

If your wife will not agree to that, find an individual therapist, see that person, sign a release to have your therapist talk to your wife’s therapist.

You might also ask your wife if you can come in with her to see her therapist.

]]> By: Doug http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-39026 Doug Tue, 16 Nov 2010 16:39:56 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-39026 Wow! Help! I am witnessing things in my wife that I'm not sure how to stop. We have twins and I have never witnessed anyone so unhearted as my wife. She constantly yells and screams at them and berates them, slams doors, never plays with them, and if one falls and hurts themselves will sit on the couch and not even react. They are only 2 1/2 and I seriously am worried at the road we are going down. I don't ever remember growing up in a household like this and my wife will throw every excuse in the book that the way she reacts is justified. She will respond with things like if you think you can do better, than you stay home. I would LOVE to stay home if someone didn't have to go work and pay her credit card bill that she won't stop spending. We both have careers but since the twins her energy to find a job has dwindled to nothing. It makes me so mad that when I talk to her about this it sets her off into a yelling, slamming rage usually in front of the kids. She is being seen for severe depression and I have tried to talk to the doctor about what is REALLY happening at home but the doctor will not discuss her patient due to the medical laws. I hate her parents very much because my wife has admitted many times that this was the household she was raised in. Wow! Help! I am witnessing things in my wife that I’m not sure how to stop. We have twins and I have never witnessed anyone so unhearted as my wife. She constantly yells and screams at them and berates them, slams doors, never plays with them, and if one falls and hurts themselves will sit on the couch and not even react. They are only 2 1/2 and I seriously am worried at the road we are going down. I don’t ever remember growing up in a household like this and my wife will throw every excuse in the book that the way she reacts is justified. She will respond with things like if you think you can do better, than you stay home. I would LOVE to stay home if someone didn’t have to go work and pay her credit card bill that she won’t stop spending. We both have careers but since the twins her energy to find a job has dwindled to nothing. It makes me so mad that when I talk to her about this it sets her off into a yelling, slamming rage usually in front of the kids. She is being seen for severe depression and I have tried to talk to the doctor about what is REALLY happening at home but the doctor will not discuss her patient due to the medical laws. I hate her parents very much because my wife has admitted many times that this was the household she was raised in.

]]> By: Jim Hutt, Ph.D. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-15151 Jim Hutt, Ph.D. Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:54:09 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-15151 Chareen, People feel helpless for a lot of reasons. Rather than trying to go in to all of them right now, I want to give you some alternative ways of responding when you feel helpless, like you want to yell at your daughter: 1. Tell her you will talk about the situation when you know what you want to say that will be helpful. 2. Go to: loveandlogic.com and order "The Lifesaver Kit." Just do it. You will find alternatives to being helpless that will change your life. Jim Hutt, Ph.D. Chareen,

People feel helpless for a lot of reasons. Rather than trying to go in to all of them right now,
I want to give you some alternative ways of responding when you feel helpless, like you want to yell at your daughter:

1. Tell her you will talk about the situation when you know what you want to say that will be helpful.

2. Go to: loveandlogic.com and order “The Lifesaver Kit.” Just do it.
You will find alternatives to being helpless that will change your life.

Jim Hutt, Ph.D.

]]> By: Chareen NZ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-15149 Chareen NZ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:24:36 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-15149 i am sitting here feeling very helpless and feeling awful for yelling at my daughter this morning before school. She just started yesterday at a new school, intermediate now, and yesterday she went to the skate park with friends and lost her school shoes. aaarrgghh! i always yell at her say awful things that i know are definetly not encouraging or going to help her, but it seems i just cant hold my tounge. but i realise i do have to find a way through my yelling as there are more worse situations than this, thaat would be more fitting to yell, but i feel weak. i cant wait till she comes home and i can hug her and work through her area of weakness positively..and my weakness too. i am sitting here feeling very helpless and feeling awful for yelling at my daughter this morning before school. She just started yesterday at a new school, intermediate now, and yesterday she went to the skate park with friends and lost her school shoes. aaarrgghh!
i always yell at her say awful things that i know are definetly not encouraging or going to help her, but it seems i just cant hold my tounge.
but i realise i do have to find a way through my yelling as there are more worse situations than this, thaat would be more fitting to yell, but i feel weak.
i cant wait till she comes home and i can hug her and work through her area of weakness positively..and my weakness too.

]]> By: Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-13157 Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:44:52 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-13157 Dear Del, Great to hear your good news. Often change occurs when a person is in the right frame and then it just takes a serendipitous event/moment to make it happen. As Einstein (?) said, genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration....it may be that all your previous discussions set the stage so that the magazine was that final push. regards Art Dear Del,

Great to hear your good news.

Often change occurs when a person is in the right frame and then it just takes a serendipitous event/moment to make it happen. As Einstein (?) said, genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration….it may be that all your previous discussions set the stage so that the magazine was that final push.

regards
Art

]]> By: Del http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-13129 Del Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:37:36 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-13129 Well, as luck would have it, my wife and I had a long, sometimes heated, discussion regarding her yelling. She was extremely defensive. She named many reasons why she yelled...all my fault. Then it was the bills, then it was work, then it was...you get the picture. After an hour of stopping her every time she tried to transfer blame for her yelling, she took a break from it all and got the mail. What came in the mail, you ask? The latest issue of Parents magazine, and on the cover was the title to an article called "Discipline Without Yelling". She said it was God speaking to her and she took it to heart. No disrespect intended, but I don't care if she thinks it was Elvis and Hoffa both speaking to her from Santa's sleigh as long as she stops yelling at our daughter. After reading the article, she has improved dramatically. Her volume raises then goes back down before she finishes her sentence. I am very proud of her; it couldn't have been easy. We have barely started our journey to a more quiet house, but I have high hopes. -Del Well, as luck would have it, my wife and I had a long, sometimes heated, discussion regarding her yelling. She was extremely defensive. She named many reasons why she yelled…all my fault. Then it was the bills, then it was work, then it was…you get the picture. After an hour of stopping her every time she tried to transfer blame for her yelling, she took a break from it all and got the mail. What came in the mail, you ask? The latest issue of Parents magazine, and on the cover was the title to an article called “Discipline Without Yelling”. She said it was God speaking to her and she took it to heart. No disrespect intended, but I don’t care if she thinks it was Elvis and Hoffa both speaking to her from Santa’s sleigh as long as she stops yelling at our daughter. After reading the article, she has improved dramatically. Her volume raises then goes back down before she finishes her sentence. I am very proud of her; it couldn’t have been easy. We have barely started our journey to a more quiet house, but I have high hopes.

-Del

]]> By: Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-13095 Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:06:32 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-13095 Dear Del, You are facing a very difficult problem. If your wife sees that there is a problem (that yelling is out of hand and not productive and that she'd like your daughter to "listen" without having to yell), then you can all see a mental health professional (social worker, psychologist, marriage and family therapist, etc). It may be that your wife will need to see someone individually to help her understand what drives her yelling and help her then move that insight into behavioral change. However, if your wife does not see any problem, does not want to change, or says, "she has to change first," then you have a much more difficult situation on your hands. It may be, unfortunately, like having to choose your daughter's emotional and psychological health or your marriage...in which case, you may want to consult with a professional to examine how best to proceed. regards Art Dear Del,

You are facing a very difficult problem. If your wife sees that there is a problem (that yelling is out of hand and not productive and that she’d like your daughter to “listen” without having to yell), then you can all see a mental health professional (social worker, psychologist, marriage and family therapist, etc). It may be that your wife will need to see someone individually to help her understand what drives her yelling and help her then move that insight into behavioral change. However, if your wife does not see any problem, does not want to change, or says, “she has to change first,” then you have a much more difficult situation on your hands. It may be, unfortunately, like having to choose your daughter’s emotional and psychological health or your marriage…in which case, you may want to consult with a professional to examine how best to proceed.

regards

Art

]]> By: Del http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-13087 Del Sat, 15 Nov 2008 19:56:01 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-13087 My wife yells at our daughter SOOOO often that I can almost say she always yells. I can be sitting on our couch 25 feet away and she hurts my ears, meanwhile she is in the restroom with our daughter trying to get her to wash her hands. I have tried and tried and tried to have a unified front in front of our daughter, but it is getting pretty bad. I usually do not have a problem with our daughter minding me because I am consistent with corrections, whereas my wife will all but beg her to do something for her. She will say, "Isabelle! Get over here....get over here right now...do you want a time-out....get over here now or were aren't going to the so-n-so's birthday party...Isabelle, I'm counting to three...." I'm not joking...it really is that bad. When I mention that she yells, she tells me that I'm being to critical. I don't know what to do. If I were to look for professional help, what kind of professional should I look for? My wife yells at our daughter SOOOO often that I can almost say she always yells. I can be sitting on our couch 25 feet away and she hurts my ears, meanwhile she is in the restroom with our daughter trying to get her to wash her hands. I have tried and tried and tried to have a unified front in front of our daughter, but it is getting pretty bad. I usually do not have a problem with our daughter minding me because I am consistent with corrections, whereas my wife will all but beg her to do something for her. She will say, “Isabelle! Get over here….get over here right now…do you want a time-out….get over here now or were aren’t going to the so-n-so’s birthday party…Isabelle, I’m counting to three….” I’m not joking…it really is that bad. When I mention that she yells, she tells me that I’m being to critical. I don’t know what to do. If I were to look for professional help, what kind of professional should I look for?

]]> By: Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12777 Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman Sat, 08 Nov 2008 16:01:30 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12777 Dear Kylie, You make a good point. We learn about what it means to be a man, husband, father, woman, wife, mother from those who raise us and that is the model in our psyche. So, our future close relationships are often rooted in, based on, and mimic, those earlier ones. The good news is that while negative behavior may be learned, it can also be "unlearned," or new, more productive and positive ways of interacting can be learned....often therapy helps in this process. regards Art Dear Kylie,

You make a good point. We learn about what it means to be a man, husband, father, woman, wife, mother from those who raise us and that is the model in our psyche. So, our future close relationships are often rooted in, based on, and mimic, those earlier ones. The good news is that while negative behavior may be learned, it can also be “unlearned,” or new, more productive and positive ways of interacting can be learned….often therapy helps in this process.

regards

Art

]]> By: Kylie http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12739 Kylie Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:47:57 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12739 No one wants there children to be scared of them. It may seem at the time this is the only way to get children to listen to you, but in the long run, this can really take a toll on the children. I think this is why so many children, when they grow up and get married, they think they can yell at their spouses or children because that is what they learned. No one wants there children to be scared of them. It may seem at the time this is the only way to get children to listen to you, but in the long run, this can really take a toll on the children. I think this is why so many children, when they grow up and get married, they think they can yell at their spouses or children because that is what they learned.

]]> By: Lori Bell http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12735 Lori Bell Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:00:48 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12735 I can see where this would be hurtful to the kids as well as adults. I still see parents yelling and screaming at their kids in the grocery store and wonder why they want to do that in front of other people. Sometime I see kids, just rebel when being yelled at, as if they are challenging their parents. So sad. I can see where this would be hurtful to the kids as well as adults. I still see parents yelling and screaming at their kids in the grocery store and wonder why they want to do that in front of other people. Sometime I see kids, just rebel when being yelled at, as if they are challenging their parents. So sad.

]]> By: AmyLee http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12733 AmyLee Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:58:55 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12733 This is oh so familiar to me. I grew up fearing my dad, but loving him, because if we didn't do something right or we got into trouble, we could bet that we would get more than a yelling. I think that is why I grew up scared asking for anything. I am married and I have a son and I can't remember ever yelling at him when he was younger. I'm sure I probably did but I know that we usually yell to get things our way or to get something accomplished. I would hate to think my son has to fear either one of his parents. This is oh so familiar to me. I grew up fearing my dad, but loving him, because if we didn’t do something right or we got into trouble, we could bet that we would get more than a yelling. I think that is why I grew up scared asking for anything. I am married and I have a son and I can’t remember ever yelling at him when he was younger. I’m sure I probably did but I know that we usually yell to get things our way or to get something accomplished. I would hate to think my son has to fear either one of his parents.

]]> By: Sarah Chana Radcliffe http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12557 Sarah Chana Radcliffe Tue, 04 Nov 2008 03:22:06 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12557 Just in case anyone is interested, I wrote a book called "Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice." It provides practical alternatives to yelling that are easy to apply. The techniques work well in marital relationships also. I believe, like Dr. Hutt, that yelling is extremely harmful in family life. However, it's not enough to want to stop. We need to know what to do instead that really works. I offer solutions in my book and on my parenting web site. You are welcome to post parenting questions on that site as well and I'll be happy to answer them. Just in case anyone is interested, I wrote a book called “Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice.” It provides practical alternatives to yelling that are easy to apply. The techniques work well in marital relationships also. I believe, like Dr. Hutt, that yelling is extremely harmful in family life. However, it’s not enough to want to stop. We need to know what to do instead that really works. I offer solutions in my book and on my parenting web site. You are welcome to post parenting questions on that site as well and I’ll be happy to answer them.

]]> By: Kiera http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12395 Kiera Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:23:50 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12395 My son is nearly 4 now. We used to have squabbles and I had a bad habit of using offensive language which I consciously changed over the last 6 months. I see the damage done already. When I try calmly correcting him he says, "Shut up!!" I used to yell at him the same way before. Today I hear my own voice in his and it hurts more than anything in this world. My son is nearly 4 now. We used to have squabbles and I had a bad habit of using offensive language which I consciously changed over the last 6 months. I see the damage done already. When I try calmly correcting him he says, “Shut up!!” I used to yell at him the same way before. Today I hear my own voice in his and it hurts more than anything in this world.

]]> By: Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12313 Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:41:07 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12313 Jake, Sometimes people's history has "taught" them this manner of relating. It may not be that they purposefully choose to yell, but that this is what they learned in their family of origin. It can also be that they are overwhelmed with emotion and are not thinking Jake,

Sometimes people’s history has “taught” them this manner of relating. It may not be that they purposefully choose to yell, but that this is what they learned in their family of origin. It can also be that they are overwhelmed with emotion and are not thinking

]]> By: Jake http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12295 Jake Wed, 22 Oct 2008 22:13:47 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12295 I find it so sad when the only forms of communication I see between partners is that of yelling. Don't they realize that things are meant to be so much better than this? I find it so sad when the only forms of communication I see between partners is that of yelling. Don’t they realize that things are meant to be so much better than this?

]]> By: Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12215 Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman Sun, 19 Oct 2008 17:47:27 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12215 Dru D, you are correct. How children learn to act; what it means to be and how to be a woman, mother, wife, man, father, husband are all learned by observing and internalizing what we grow up with. Of course, parents who yell at their children often/usually were yelled at by their own parent(s) and so are acting on the only internal models they have. It takes real work and committment to change such behavior. The results, however, are well worth it. Dru D, you are correct. How children learn to act; what it means to be and how to be a woman, mother, wife, man, father, husband are all learned by observing and internalizing what we grow up with. Of course, parents who yell at their children often/usually were yelled at by their own parent(s) and so are acting on the only internal models they have. It takes real work and committment to change such behavior. The results, however, are well worth it.

]]> By: Dru D http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12209 Dru D Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:09:53 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12209 itmakes me so mad when I see adults yell at their helpless children!!! don't they realize they are being such poor role models for their kids and that they are teaching them that this is the only way to let off steam and deal with others when they are angry or frustrated.. children deserve better than that! itmakes me so mad when I see adults yell at their helpless children!!! don’t they realize they are being such poor role models for their kids and that they are teaching them that this is the only way to let off steam and deal with others when they are angry or frustrated.. children deserve better than that!

]]> By: William S http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12117 William S Wed, 15 Oct 2008 12:03:24 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12117 Yelling for me is something that always just makes me feel even worse than I did before I started! You always feel like it is going to be such a release but than you just feel guilty over the way you have behaved- I do anyway. This is a great motivation for me to try to stop. Yelling for me is something that always just makes me feel even worse than I did before I started! You always feel like it is going to be such a release but than you just feel guilty over the way you have behaved- I do anyway. This is a great motivation for me to try to stop.

]]> By: Starla http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12089 Starla Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:06:39 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12089 It is when I get stressed about things that I really notice yelling more and more. I have been going through a divorce and I know I have not been the best to my kids lately just due to the amount of pressure I now feel and the anxiety and worries over ending my marriage. This article has given me some real insight into what I am doing to not only my children but also to myslef with this type of behavior. I am ready to try the tools for NOT yelling and dealing with my anger in a way that is more beneficila for everyone. It is when I get stressed about things that I really notice yelling more and more. I have been going through a divorce and I know I have not been the best to my kids lately just due to the amount of pressure I now feel and the anxiety and worries over ending my marriage. This article has given me some real insight into what I am doing to not only my children but also to myslef with this type of behavior. I am ready to try the tools for NOT yelling and dealing with my anger in a way that is more beneficila for everyone.

]]> By: Nicole http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-12067 Nicole Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:40:31 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-12067 My family is not a family of yellers, but boy there are some days when I could really just let it all out! I used to have a much worse temper but having a family has somehow had the opposite effect on me and has made me a much more mellow person. Sure this was probably a conscious decision on my part but I definitely like myself better today than I did when the only way I knew how to express myself was through anger and yelling at others. Kiera, I feel for you and am thinking about you today because I know from personal experience how hard it can be to break those patterns of behavior and as much as I know you want to do this for your son, change the behavior for you too. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel about life in general and your relationships with others when you develop different ways to communicate what is going on in your life. Best of luck to you! My family is not a family of yellers, but boy there are some days when I could really just let it all out! I used to have a much worse temper but having a family has somehow had the opposite effect on me and has made me a much more mellow person. Sure this was probably a conscious decision on my part but I definitely like myself better today than I did when the only way I knew how to express myself was through anger and yelling at others. Kiera, I feel for you and am thinking about you today because I know from personal experience how hard it can be to break those patterns of behavior and as much as I know you want to do this for your son, change the behavior for you too. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel about life in general and your relationships with others when you develop different ways to communicate what is going on in your life. Best of luck to you!

]]> By: Kiera http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/yelling/#comment-11963 Kiera Tue, 07 Oct 2008 09:27:16 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=911#comment-11963 Ok this is totally me!!! I yell at everyone. I am married and have a son who is now 4 yrs old. I started yelling and getting so worked up with everything and everyone right from the time he was one. I now realise that my son probably obeys me more out of the fear of my anger rather than realising what he did was wrong. I feel so small today but I am intending to make a conscious effort to change myself starting from today. Great advice this one and I am going to try and keep it!! Ok this is totally me!!! I yell at everyone. I am married and have a son who is now 4 yrs old. I started yelling and getting so worked up with everything and everyone right from the time he was one. I now realise that my son probably obeys me more out of the fear of my anger rather than realising what he did was wrong. I feel so small today but I am intending to make a conscious effort to change myself starting from today. Great advice this one and I am going to try and keep it!!

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