Why Do I Always Seem to Assume the Worst?
I see you understand yourself very well—better than most people do, in fact, and I think your understanding comes from your intellectual abilities, which I believe are way above average. You’re quite blessed to have this capacity, but the mind alone is not capable of changing this style of processing.
You write that you are in a relationship, and I wonder how your partner is impacted by your distortions, and how you deal with that together. You say that you obsess that your partner may be cheating, though there is no evidence that this is true. If you’re feeling unwanted, you might ask for excessive reassurance, which rarely works for very long to calm anxiety and which can be annoying to others. How does your partner react to your fears? Does your partner know ways to help? If not, couples counseling might be good for both of you.
Listen to the way you talk to yourself—what you say about yourself to yourself. Perhaps you berate yourself as you lose patience with your repetitive and catastrophizing thoughts. Be kind, as kind as you probably are to others. Remember that charity begins at home, and exercise compassion. And practice ways to so soothe yourself, perhaps through restorative yoga or long walks or jogs.
Finally, your obsessions may be an indication of obsessive compulsion, which often runs in families, and treatment can help effectively manage this. One way to treat obsessive thoughts is with cognitive behavioral therapy, during which people are exposed to situations that they are afraid of until they gradually become less sensitized. Psychodynamic psychotherapy with someone who specializes in helping people reach their unconscious feelings and work them out in relationship with the therapist might be ideal, or you might want to work with an art therapist or even a psychoanalyst.
Anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications benefit some people, too, but if you and your doctor decide that this is your path, you must be carefully monitored by a psychiatrist. If you do take medication, you might consider combining this with some form of psychotherapy.
Thank you very much for consulting GoodTherapy.org; I wish you a successful journey!
Kind regards,
Lynn