I think that often parents have good intentions. They want to set appropriate rules for their child and then try to do so. In the process the parent may get caught up in a power struggle. If you couple this will a very busy schedule and less attention to the child than the child needs, ODD behaviors can develop as a way to getting the parent’s attention.

Yes, often negative attention is better than no attention. In addition, the oppositional behavior can be negatively reinforced by the parents arguing with the child. The child, for example, does not want to turn off the TV. The more the parent argues or cojoles the child, the longer the negative stimulus (turning off the TV) is postponed and hence, the arguing with the parent is reinforced by the parent’s behavior.

Oppositional and defiant behavior can be a bid for attention by the child.
If the child does not get attention, misbehavior is sure to get it. In
addition, if the parent of such a child then responds with a “let sleeping
dogs lie” attitude, then the child may react with ODD behavior to get
attention.

Another factor can be negative reinforcement. If the child does not want
to clean up, go to bed, brush teeth, etc., any actions that postpones this
“noxious” stimulus will be reinforcing. So, if the child says, “NO!” and
the parent argues, or negotiates, or discusses the issue, the longer this
goes on, the more the child’s oppositional behavior is reinforced as this
behavior is postponing the “noxious” stimulus.” This is way it is best to
not argue or cajole.

A great resource for parents is, Your Defiant Child, by R. Barkley. There
is also a Therapist Manual. This is an evidence-based well researched
program that takes about eight sessions. I’ve found that it is very
effective most of the time with children under the age of ten to twelve.
The program focuses on the parents’ behavior and actions. In fact, all the
sessions are just with the parents. It is a very effective program and I
highly recommend it.

Oppositional and defiant behavior can be a bid for attention by the child. If the child does not get attention, misbehavior is sure to get it. In addition, if the parent of such a child then responds with a “let sleeping dogs lie” attitude, then the child may react with ODD behavior to get attention.

Another factor can be negative reinforcement. If the child does not want to clean up, go to bed, brush teeth, etc., any actions that postpones this “noxious” stimulus will be reinforcing. So, if the child says, “NO!” and the parent argues, or negotiates, or discusses the issue, the longer this goes on, the more the child’s oppositional behavior is reinforced as this behavior is postponing the “noxious” stimulus.” This is way it is best to not argue or cajole.

A great resource for parents is, Your Defiant Child, by R. Barkley. There is also a Therapist Manual. This is an evidence-based well researched program that takes about eight sessions. I’ve found that it is very effective most of the time with children under the age of ten to twelve. The program focuses on the parents’ behavior and actions. In fact, all the sessions are just with the parents. It is a very effective program and I highly recommend it.

Most often, tantrums are a child’s way of getting attention. This can build in the family into a “vicious” cycle in which when the child is well-behaved, the parents “let sleeping dogs lie.” The child then acts out to get the parents attention. In addition, negative reinforcement often keeps this cycle going. The child want to avoid something, such as having to clean up, brush his or her teeth, go to bed, etc. The longer the parent argues, cojoles, or tries to coax the child, the longer the “noxious” stimulus is avoided, hence the arguing and oppositional and defiant behaviors are rewarded (the ODD behaviors postpone the noxious stimulus and so the more the parent argues the more the parent is reinforcing the defiant behaviors.).

I usually recommend that parents read, Your Defiant Child by Russell Barkley. In addition, there is a therapist manual that goes along with this with an eight session outline that is evidence-based and very effective. I’ve found that within the eight sessions younger children (under age 12) are much less problematic. The focus of this program is on parenting behavior. In fact, all the sessions are with the parent, not with the child.

For many families oppositional and defiant behavior is rooted in the child seeking attention. It can also often be rooted in what is called “negative reinforcement.” Meaning, that the arguing and defiance are rewarding because these behaviors postpone a “noxious” stimulus (having to turn off the TV, go to bed, clean up, etc.). The more the parent argues with the child, or tries to explain and reason, the longer the noxious stimuli is postponed and the more the behavior is reinforced. An excellent book is Your Defiant Child by Russell Barkely.

Oppositional and defiant behavior that is rooted in trauma is often driven by fear and lack of trust not, predominantly, attention seeking. Therefore you would address this quite differently…attunement and time-in strategies are often useful.

I hope this helps…let me know what you think.

Jillian, thank you. Yes, this is hard work, but the results are well worth it…it will make the family a happier place for everyone.