I think of the 1973 “Rosenhan experiment” in which researchers deliberately got themselves admitted to psychiatric hospitals with the task to convince doctors of their wellness. The results were a harsh indictment of psychiatric diagnosis, published in Science magazine.

But that’s the POWER TRIP all of these fake-doctors are on. All therapy is about the therapists needs. To feel important, to feel successful, to feel like a doctor, and to PUNISH people they feel threatened by intellectually or morally.

From comparing notes with others who’ve filed grievances, the process is broken for most of us unless we can serve up a clear-cut documented violation.

I’m struck how little literature I see about harmful therapy and even less from the consumer standpoint about how to process what just happened.

For curious researchers, there is a trove of cases files with licensing boards nationwide how about therapeutic rifts. I can’t find any studies. Consumers rarely seem to be given credence. Therapists win these cases using their professional authority to label and discredit complaining clients.

I’d add this to the list of improvements: ALL complaints (and the following decisions) to ethics committees be posted on the committee’s website. (Names etc, can be removed to protect privacy.) That will give the public and therapists a clearer picture of the nature and number of issues arising in therapy and the *real* standards that ethics committees actually enforce.

First, I find it helpful to compare and contrast therapists and teachers.

Comparing: Most of us have experienced enough teachers to know that some are very good, some are very poor, and most are somewhere in between. What’s more, the ones in between may be good for some students and poor for others, or good with some classes and poor with others. Similarly, it makes sense that therapists will range from the very good to the very poor, and the ones in between may be good for some clients and poor with others, or good with some problems and poor with others.

Contrasting: When I was in elementary school, I had one very poor – indeed, unfit – teacher. For example, she would tell a student to do something, then a couple of minutes later scold the student for doing what the teacher had asked. But some of the students told their parents, and some of those parents told the principal. The teacher was replaced very quickly. In other words, there was a safety net. One part of the safety net was that there were witnesses to the teacher’s behavior. Another part was that there were easily accessible, easily used lines of authority (child to parent and parent to principal). A third was that there were common community standards for what was acceptable and unacceptable teacher behavior. This safety net helps weed out the “bad apples” in the teaching profession.
Therapy has none of those three elements. There are usually no witnesses to the therapist’s behavior. Although there are agencies to which one can file a complaint against a therapist, they are hard to find, and the procedure is far from user-friendly for the client. And, with so many therapy “theoretical orientations,” there are few commonly held standards even within the therapy professions. In other words, the “safety net” to weed out the bad apples in therapy is nowhere near adequate. So most of the bad apples remain.

The “bad apple” adage I remember goes something like, “One bad apple spoils the whole barrel.” I think this is too extreme to apply to the therapy context, but a weaker version does seem to fit: “A few bad apples spoil some more apples, and may tarnish the reputation of the whole profession.” One way in which the bad apples can influence others in the profession came up in a discussion last September on the website “Bad Therapy? A Disgruntled Ex-Psychotherapy Client Speaks Her Piece.” Three of us came up with four examples of therapists who had engaged in very questionable practices but served on ethics committees, grievance committees, or taught courses in professional ethics. Another way that bad apples may spoil more apples is that therapists who engage in questionable practices may be teachers or trainers of therapists. (Indeed, one therapist I had who didn’t practice informed consent at all was a trainer at the time I was seeing her.)

So, what can be done to improve the situation? Here are some possibilities that come to mind based on the incident of my unfit teacher. First, to provide some sort of “witness”, therapists could record all sessions, with the recording belonging to the client. Second, to provide more accessible lines of recourse, ombuds services could be provided for therapy clients – and therapists could be required to use and to make new clients aware of the service. Third, “Signs of questionable therapy” such as at the beginning of this website could be distributed to new clients, to help create common community standards for what is and is not acceptable in therapy. But these efforts would need to be profession-wide, not just limited to a few therapists. Still, if some therapists implement them, that would be a start. And I’d love to see insurance companies requiring these practices for therapists on their lists of providers.

But efforts also need to be made to clean up the ethics committees.

The mere set-up of therapy feeds the delusion of an audience with the seer. Access is controlled and limited. The supplicant is directed to spill her darkest moments, while the therapist often sits in silence or visibly scribbling observations. The therapist never breaks from an authoritative demeanor when, in reality. he’s glimpsed only the tiniest sliver of the client’s life. This theatricality contributes to a misleading aura.

We can return to real life as another reference point about “stuff.” Take two friends. One always talks about her problems; the other friend encourages this, never talks about her problems and enjoys playing adviser. The issues with this set-up, I think, are obvious.

“As Sue posted, it is absolutely true that “professionals have the same ‘stuff’ as consumers.” That is of course because we are all human–and no amount of education in any field changes that.”

That’s fine, but that’s not how the therapy industry presents itself. Therapy marketing makes some bold claims about its ability to heal trauma and resolve emotional difficulties. Therapists present themselves as having specialized training and knowledge and experience, not just the run-of-the-mill coping skills that most human beings have. That is supposed to be the whole point of seeing a therapist – to access the special skills and knowledge.

So to now find, buried in the comments on a blog post, an admission that therapists are just-human-like-everyone-else just confirms my belief that the whole thing is a scam.

If therapists are just-human-like-everyone-else, let them say THAT in their marketing. At least then clients won’t be bait-and-switched. Client expectations will be more realistic.

Of course that probably also mean fewer clients coming through the door and therefore lower revenues, so I don’t see it happening anytime soon.

“But I truly see no hierarchy of reinforcement or “conspiracy” as Sue does.”

This is quite a diagnostic leap to characterize me as one who sees…conspiracies. It’s not a flattering label, implying perhaps, one not tethered to reality.

Her leap and labeling –she-sees-conspiracies–is an illustrative tactic. It appears diminishing, perhaps to invalidate me in this discussion. It communicates an authoritarian tone– a privilege to apply derogatory labels to the others.

We’re all on a thread, swimming around the internet. No one is anyone else’s therapist. The professionals enter this discussion with an authoritative, sometimes directive stance, presuming it their role. When in fact, they have as much to learn from us as we…maybe or maybe not…have to learn from them.

The enforcement of social hierarchy is powerful and unconscious. Therapists are trained to play an “authority” role. I was intentionally provocative to illustrate the subtle ways therapists might enforce their role as the expert, the reality-teller.

If the client questions the therapist, a threatened therapist will invalidate the client. This is how the damage begins.

There is no conspiracy involved. We create rank with one another in subtle ways, in word choices and tones. This is our human “stuff.” This is what happens on the playground, at the dinner table and in the workplace. And it happens between clients and therapists.

However, as an adult, I have been referred to therapists that were Licensed Clinical Social Workers and I personally think while their training may suffice to be a “therapist”, most of them don’t believe anything I say, once I sign a release, they will smile in my face and later call my psychiatrist claiming I need more medication or group therapies and I have never made it longer than 2-3 sessions with any of them. They seem forceful and inflexible. I am going to be a substance abuse counselor and while I am also going for a Master’s, I will have two different types of ethical codes to follow. Is it possible that the old days of Eugenics is still somehow influencing todays social work profession?? Being called a danger to yourself based on a Social Worker’s call and placed on a 72 hour observation is embarrassing when everyone from the police ride there to the intake is embarrassing.

I am frequently appalled and saddened at the lack of professionalism, empathy, and even the “moral compass” of some of the therapists described in the heartwrenching stories here. As a therapist, I think we can all learn from these posts–and I hope that we do.

But I truly see no hierarchy of reinforcement or “conspiracy” as Sue does. Along with the negative examples from the individuals’ perspectives here, I see the therapists who post trying to offer help or guidance and trying to explain what a professional therapist might do instead in the context of the posts. I have tried to do that myself. And I’m not sure how doing either of these is exhibiting a lack of curiosity or assuming a “professorial/counseling posture [or] tone.”

As Sue posted, it is absolutely true that “professionals have the same ‘stuff’ as consumers.” That is of course because we are all human–and no amount of education in any field changes that.

What this means is that there are (sadly) good, ethical, professional therapists and bad, unethical, unprofessional therapists. The same can be said of doctors, lawyers, teachers, accountants, police officers, students, and the millions of other professions/roles that exist. And the distinctions are certainly not black and white in any of them. There is a always continuum, where individuals may fall at any point along the line.

Just as this blog is a great place for people to recount their very difficult experiences with therapy and learn from/support each other, I hope it is also a place where therapists are able to read, learn, and/or post something that might be helpful for all of us–individuals and therapists alike. This, to me anyway, seems to be one of the primary points of the blog. That’s why I keep coming back. :-)

Darren, frankly I don’t find this advice wise. By dichotomizing, the good and the bad professionals, an “us” vs. “them” mentality, it could imply a comfort or smugness that a practitioner can be safely on dry land in the former camp.

In truth, professionals have the same “stuff” as consumers, and every moment of consultation they might be helping, or might be pressing their own agenda. There’s never a grand dividing line between “us” and “them.” It’s a lifetime endeavor.

To my knowledge, this thread might be the richest (albeit random) resource on the internet covering iatrogenesis. Save few mostly out-of-print books, I’ve found little talkback to profession from consumers.

Yet professionals seem to enter this thread with incuriosity. Instead they assume their professorial/counseling postures and tones. It’s almost as if…a hierarchy is being reinforced. It’s ashamed the professionals don’t seem to use this opportunity to learn from us.

Didacticism, condescension, zingers and playground taunting are no different in a professional context. Even in this thread, therapists have gotten defensive (or in one case, furious) at the smallest threat to the hierarchy. Subtext is more telling than the pretense.

And to Melinda (#441), I am so glad you’re not seeing that therapist anymore. What a jerk (that’s a clinical term). CBT is one way of describing what she does; “abuse” is another. I remember a very wise psych. professor telling me, as I was graduating, “Remember, there are two kinds of people in this field – those who truly want to help others and deal with their own stuff and grow as a person, and those who want to AVOID their own stuff and PRETEND they’re helping others”. Not really a mystery which category your (ex) therapist is in. You sound very intuitive and insightful; I hope you are able to find someone more flexible, personable and, well, human. Perhaps you could look via goodtherapy.org. Congratulations on having the strength to “kick her to the curb” and move on. Good luck to you and please don’t give up.

After six sessions with her, I vowed that I would never return. Why?

She was rude, condescending, and judgmental. She was a very poor listener. She was insensitive. She was confrontational and aggressive at times. She belittled me.

She actually told me: “I don’t care about you or your problems. Stop playing the victim”. I suffer from depression and her whole attitude was just hurtful. She seemed to delight in my misery and discomfort. I’ve experienced abuse most of my life, so her behavior was definitely a red flag.

The only reason I haven’t reported her is because it isn’t worth it. I figure that sooner or later, she will do the same to another client and they will complain.

Ron Morgan…I agree with you! My former therapist specialized in CBT, which does have its benefits, but wasn’t helpful in my situation.

She told me only after the third session that she only did cognitive therapy. I also noticed that she disparaged other types of therapy while praising CBT as the solution to every problem.

And don’t even get me started on her notion that deep breathing techniques would improve my depression.

How do some of these people get jobs in the mental health field, anyway?

i hope you publish the comment anyway

I know a rape victim at Denison University.

The University MANDATED THAT THE VICTIM TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS IF SHE WANTED TO REMAIN.

THE THERAPIST MANDATED THAT THE VICTIM TAKE A MENIAL JOB TO GET OVER HER ORDEAL.

THE STUDENT, OBVIOUSLY, LEFT.

THERAPY SEEMS LIKE A SELF-PERPETUATING INDUSTRY.

I don’t think this is either a red flag or rule out. Yes, it is potentially a conflict, one which the therapist and (former couples) client need to discuss thoroughly, and need to involve the new partner in the decision about whether to work with this therapist. But there are certainly situation where this could work and actually be very beneficial for everyone involved.

Returning to yet another therapist–continuing the role playing– is a poor answer for some of us. The power differential and the external authority might move us further backwards.

Hard to know where to start. First I’d ask if the second counselor had your express written consent to contact your other family members and make them part of the therapy. If the answer is “no” then he or she broke the law. If yes, was it clear that they would, in effect, also become clients? It should be set upfront of treatment who the “Unit of Treatment” (in our jargon) actually is. Is it you? Your family? All of the above? I always recommend seeing someone on an individual basis, who is going to be your therapist only: your ally, your supporter, no matter what – then, you can get a referral to a family therapist who will treat the entire family as “the client”. Families are complex and dynamic and I personally find it almost impossible to build trust with an individual and then bring in family members and attempt to be neutral. How could I? Such a move almost always backfires. Someone ends up feeling betrayed or sided against, etc.

Secondly, re. your making “assumptions”: your feelings, experience and subjective perspective is what matters most – not the opinion of the darn therapist! On the “top 10 list” of things therapists should never do is make their opinion more important than yours (with exceptions for truly dangerous situations, like a plan to harm oneself). It doesn’t matter what the “facts” are. We’re talking about what is unconscious and separate from “logic”, the language of the psyche; your feelings, hopes and emotional experiences are the most important “facts” of the therapy. It sounds like this therapist or counselor had extremely poor boundaries and lost focus on your well-being. From what I read here, you didn’t do anything wrong and he/she lost control of the case. I’m not sure if this is a reportable incident (aside from a potential breach of confidentiality) but it’s close. (For the record, any time any counselor is lecturing you about empathy, it’s time to head for the door.)

As for the third counselor, again we’re talking about appalling behavior and I would call the licensing board and get a consultation regarding what happened. In some states what he did borders on illegality; if you have the inclination, you might look into the guidelines for financial abuse and fraud. Unless it was explicitly agreed that you were going to pay him should the insurance company “not cooperate”, he had no business charging you without permission, and was out of line to deride you when you (rightfully) asked for a refund. Worst of all, he callously abandoned you over a financial matter (due to his own mistake), another huge red flag in our field.

If you live in an area covered by this site, perhaps you could find someone via Goodtherapy.org. If not, ask a doctor you trust, or a local university with a psychology program. Often those who teach there are therapists or know good ones in the community. I suggest you meet with two or three different therapists, tell them your story, and make sure they understand why this was so awful to go through. Have them explain how they work, what their “strategy” would be in working with you, and who the “client” is. I would also give yourself the right to stop going to them after 4-6 sessions if you’re not feeling completely safe. You owe it to yourself to be a little wary. Life is hard enough. I really do hope that all this will not prevent you from finding the help you are so bravely seeking.

Sometimes a therapist and client will continue to work together despite a lack of credentials in a specific area, but this is typically an exception and usually due to an already-established positive therapeutic relationship. And the client has to be informed up front and should feel TOTALLY FREE to make the decision to stay with the counselor or go to another one.

It doesn’t seem like there is a strong therapeutic relationship here . . . And the whole point of therapy is for you to feel better. If you are not progressing, maybe a different counselor that is more skilled/experienced in working with the issues you are dealing with would be more helpful??

I wish you well and the best of luck in whatever you choose to do! :-)

Kelly

Jess, from reading your description, it seems like the addiction here belongs to the THERAPIST. Her judgments, the name calling, labels sound like HER pathology. Therapists will distort life’s ordinary travails into so-called afflictions. This might service THEIR emotional fulfillment and financial advantage.

When I tried to leave her she tells me that she is unsure as to why and feels that I have so many overwhelming addictions that I need to continue seeing her and she reduced my rate in good faith.

When I worked things out with my bf she told me I was making a great mistake and that I was going to regret it. Worse off is when I thought I was pregnant and she said “I told you so” and because of my “Sex Addiction” that this was bound to happen. I have been with my bf for six years. Never cheated and I’m a sex addict because I enjoy sex with him? Doesn’t make sense to me.

I would leave her office in tears because of her judgments and critical outlook on my life. She still contacts me to make appointments and I have been forwarding her calls. She makes me feel like I have such bad problems in my life, she makes me feel worse.

But in general, unless a client proposes something that would harm others or himself, a therapist should make no judgment or direction about life decisions.

I found it damaging that therapists created an impression they had any kind of Life Knowledge I lacked. They didn’t have a clue.

I asked him why he would just do that without giving me a chance to talk to the insurance company to work it out, and he said he’d refund me if I could work it out on my end, but he didn’t seem very sympathetic to the fact that it wiped out my account and I had bills to pay, nor did he offer to resolve it further on his end.

I told him to refund it immediately or I’d call Mastercard and take it up with them. He refunded it and told me sarcastically “good luck with your therapy” (in other words, f*** off). An hour later, the insurance company told me that he’d submitted the claim incorrectly and just needed to make a simple change in order to receive his full payment.

I’m now looking for a fourth counselor, but I’m feeling very weary of laying myself bare, explaining everything again, and then wondering if I’m going to have to deal with any nonsense again.

I had asked the first therapist if it could possibly be me who was blowing things out of proportion or giving him the wrong idea about her, and he assured me that he knew my character well after several years, and felt confident by my descriptions that this is what we were dealing with. I felt better knowing that there was a reason for her horrible behavior, and I actually starting feeling some sympathy for my SIL.

But after a couple of sessions with the second counselor, she started meeting with the rest of my in-laws as well because of my MIL’s Alzheimer’s Disease–I was almost solely caring for her w/out help (SIL wouldn’t communicate with me) and I was 8 mos pregnant.

Anyway, the therapist later retracted the comment about my SIL having personality disorder, and said she didn’t think that anymore.

This totally screwed with my head. Since then, she also asked my husband if he wished his sister would change, and when he said “yes”, she asked him what changes he would make about himself and didn’t allow him to elaborate about his sister.

Every time I’ve tried to talk about how my SIL’s behavior affects me, she tells me I’m making assumptions about her or gives me a lecture about why I should have empathy for her, as our roles in our alcoholic families were the same.

Am I wrong, or is the second counselor out of line?

Utty, if the grocery incident happened to me, I’d think a therapist was crossing over into my private life, which isn’t her role.

“Why not just trust? Some people do. They just trust.”

So – ha – I just emailed her with that quote and the following message:

[link to local news article about a woman whose boyfriend is alleged to have murdered her; this guy had red flags out the wazoo - for more info google "Paul Hindle" and "Toronto"]

Well, here’s an example. And you can add to it all the women who have been beaten, raped, infected with STIs, stolen from and cheated on by men they chose to “just trust”. As a social worker, you should know that such things are not uncommon.

Some people are not just trustworthy. I would think a good therapist would know that. Only a very bad therapist would encourage a woman to ignore red flags in a relationship.

–

Of course, I am 100% right, but she will refuse to acknowledge it. She’s that dangerous.

I am so sorry you and your friend are going through this . . . I sincerely hope this has not damaged your relationship! Based on your post, and as Sue also stated, it looks as if this particular therapist may be violating “dual relationship” guidelines among others. Making broad, directive statements like “stay away from asperger autism people” —or any person or group of people, for that matter—is a serious concern, as well. A primary role of the therapist is to help GUIDE clients to find their own best solutions/conclusions through personal insight and NOT DIRECT them to any specific ones.

Hopefully, your friend is able to talk to her therapist and discuss any concerns about these statements and about the additional relationship roles they seem to have. I would encourage her to step back and sincerely assess the relationship with her therapist. If she views the therapist as a central RELATIONSHIP in her life, I believe that’s a significant red flag.

Healthy personal relationships are typically balanced when it comes to power—meaning neither party has more overall power than the other. In a nutshell, the therapist/client relationship cannot be balanced because the therapist has been sought out by the client for professional, therapeutic help. This unequal power balance is built in to the therapist/client relationship at its inception and generally cannot be changed.

Much like we seek teachers or professors as experts in their individual fields of study, doctors as experts in medicine, accountants as experts in financial matters, etc., we seek therapists as experts in the field of counseling, relationships, grief, or other areas of our lives. Because of the nature of this professional relationship, therapists are not intended to be “friends” or take on any other primary roles in the lives of their clients.

Since I don’t know where you live, I should point out that the dual relationship issue is much more complicated in small towns or places where “everybody knows everybody.” In these places, it is often impossible not to run into each other as they both go through their daily lives. But the therapist’s responsibility not to actively engage in dual relationships remains.

I also want to be clear that I am not talking about the therapist’s or client’s VALUE or WORTH as being unbalanced—all of us are equal as human beings. I am only speaking of the nature of the RELATIONSHIP between a therapist and his/her client.

Best regards,

Kelly

I find it difficult to witness a friend involved in a relationship I consider ill-advised. I might to tell a friend about my personal reactions, that witnessing it worries and saddens me. It’s difficult to get another person to change her mind, and sometimes the only option is to stay silent unless/until the friend expresses more ambivalence. If your friend ultimately becomes disillusioned, it’s likely to be a painful breakup for her.

There’s a wisdom in your post that already disproves the therapist’s contention about the Asperger’s population. I have a family member with Asperger’s who is warm and loyal to his friends. Neurodiversity is a great word–there’s no one manifestation or pigeon hole.

my friend of over 12 years has been seeing a therapist for the past year for grief and depression. during a visit to my house several months ago, my friend disclosed with me some surprising situations with regard to her therapist-client relationship.

i entered into their conversation, as my friend asked her therapist about ‘asperger autism.’ i’m on the autism spectrum and the therapist made the following statements about me to my friend: “stay away from asperger autism people; they’re cold; they’re insensitive; you don’t want a friend like that;” et c. i was floored, and inquired after her expertise into neurodiversity/autism specialty. my friend said that her therapist had not seen anyone on the autism spectrum as a client, but that’s what was ‘in the books.’

as if the information above wasn’t enough, they go to church together, play on facebook together, my friend said the therapist has invited her to do these things and More! the therapist even told my friend that she was ‘like a child/family to her!’

now, my friend is backpeddling, and defending her therapists’ position against me saying it was to ‘protect’ her, and that i am ‘exaggerating’ things, she shared with me.

i found several things listed in this blog that were not professional for my friends’ therapist to be doing, boundary-wise.

best,
bee

It’s a delicious replication of a typical dynamic. The therapist feels she must maintain authority, and if that’s threatened, she’ll employ the needed weaponry to quash dissent.

If any professional has the curiosity to learn about iatrogenesis from the articulate writers here, they’ll find much material on this thread as well as in the blogs several of us have started.

Hoo boy. There’s a big logical fallacy in your statement. I said “no one knows how many bad apples there are” and you jump to “you’re saying all the apples are bad”.

And then you agree with me that no one knows how many bad apples there are.

Uh, I personally would hope for a therapist with a better ability to read/listen to what I am *actually saying* instead of making inferences, who looks at the *evidence at hand* and who is a good logical thinker.

E.g. You say you know hundreds of therapists and they all seem like competent professionals. Well, so what? Hundreds is a small fraction of the total number, and of course you have never interacted with them as a client. Surely a therapist knows that people can present one persona to certain people and another to others (e.g. the “pillar of the community” type who abuses their family in private). What you see may not be the truth.

The bad therapists don’t tell clients upfront that they’re bad. The client has to figure it out on their own, often the hard way. At best, they have wasted their time and money (and they may not have more time or money to continue their search for a good therapist, so the opportunity is lost altogether). And since no one has shown that therapy is truly necessary to deal with difficult issues, why take the risk?

I’m not sure if I can be of much help here, but I’ll sure try . . . I can’t tell from your post if the therapist is your ex-spouse’s, your children’s, yours, or you and your ex-spouse’s together as parents. Additionally, I can’t tell if the therapist was assigned to you by the court – or even employed by the court – or if she was chosen privately by you and/or your ex-spouse. This matters because identifying the actual client is what’s important. For a therapist, focusing on the actual client is critical, and what were ethically bound to do. In fact, due to confidentiality issues, we are generally unable to speak with anyone but the client unless we have a written consent or release signed by the client.

If the therapist is employed by the court or assigned to you by the court, her position is most likely one of assessing the family situation and making recommendations back to the court. If this is the case, the word “client” doesn’t actually seem to fit. It would be difficult to call any of you a client from a therapeutic standpoint if she knows up front her job is to report back to the court. Though of course I don’t know all of the legal issues you’re facing nor do I know the laws in every part of the country, the confidentiality issues in this situation would be very muddy. If the therapist is an agent of the court, my feeling is that she should do a thorough assessment of you, your ex-spouse, and the children to understand the family dynamics before she can make a recommendation.

If she has not been assigned specifically by the court and is the therapist for both of you together or for your children, she has an obligation to all of you to help you work through whatever issues may be present in an unbiased way. This would include speaking and working with all of you, being open and candid about her professional assessment of your situation, and maintaining a professional relationship with all of you.

Based on your description of her behavior, I am wondering if she is technically the therapist for your ex-spouse only?, If this is the case, her obligation is to your ex, and she has no obligation to you. In fact if she is the therapist to your ex, discussing therapy with you could potentially violate confidentiality guidelines.

While I certainly question some of her therapeutic choices like spending time outside of therapy sessions with your ex, it sounds to me as though your ex may actually be her client. If this is the case, I’m thinking perhaps you need to seek your own counselor or therapist so that your needs can be addressed as well??

I don’t really know if that’s helpful at all. What I do know from working with so many couples and families is that it can get very tricky at times. The counselor’s role is to always work towards the client’s best interests. The problem occurs when two people in the same family have interests that conflict with one another. The therapist absolutely cannot meet the needs of both.

I think you would be well served to understand who her client is and then go from there.

To margarets:
I really appreciate your feedback, but I’m not sure that I understand your disagreement with the “few bad apples” argument. It seems to me if you’re saying the therapists who engage in unprofessional behavior are NOT “a few bad apples,” then you’re saying we are all “bad apples,” i.e. we all behave that way. And that is just simply untrue. Though some therapists unfortunately do cross the lines of ethical boundaries, we do not all do so.

Like you, I have not seen a study that tried to quantify how many so-called “bad apples” there may be among us. But this is largely due to the fact that research on the efficacy of therapy is very difficult to conduct for a variety of reasons:

There are confidentiality guidelines that restrict therapists from speaking about clients – making it difficult to find clients for a research study,

Many clients would not be willing to speak about therapy or their therapists, and

The very subjective nature of understanding what is successful, what is professional, etc. to clients. Clients have very different definitions and ideas about what to expect from therapy and thus what makes good therapy.

While I think I understand what you mean when you say any honest therapist should admit to having no idea what “most” therapists are like, I would pose the question right back to you. How is it that you know what most therapists are like? I can personally say I know or have known hundreds of therapists. Whether in school, in my places of employment, or in the many trainings for professional counselors I’ve both attended and presented, I have worked with so many people that I believe to be really good, competent, professional, ethical counselors.

I couldn’t agree with you more that it’s always a risk to find a therapist, and sometimes people have to talk with more than one to find one they like. But assuming we’re all bad does far more harm than good. I would really hate to see someone contemplating therapy – someone who may be dealing with some really difficult issues – assume most therapists are unethical or unprofessional and therefore decide not to seek the help good therapists can provide.

Margaret, I agree to your response to the “few bad apples” argument. My unhappiness is with the larger system that seems to create an authoritarian culture in the therapy community. And a therapist operating within ethical guidelines can still be destructive in many ways few professionals seem to realize.

I’m in tumultuous relationship with ex-spouse, who refuses co-parenting approach and is amazingly bitter 5+ years after a divorce that was planned and executed by that ex-spouse.

Via a Priority Consultant’s recommendations, my ex-spouse and I receive counseling for “parenting assistance.” Ex-spouse has filed so many motions with court that I’ve lost count, with not one of them being supported by court.

Therapist, even after many requests on my part, will not address my interest in co-parenting but insists on parallel parenting, because (in my opinion) the therapist won’t address ex-spouses anger, bitterness and general personality disorder. Therapist has admittedly accepted gifts from my ex-spouse. They sit together at school meetings related to my children. Therapist has billed/charged my insurance company using my children’s names as the “patient” for sessions conducted with ex-spouse and children were not present. Ex-spouse is not on my insurance. (insurance fraud?) For several reasons, I feel that the therapist is biased in favor of ex-spouse due to being same gender, among other things. (I’m obviously biased myself tho’). AND, I’ve communicated this to therapist only to receive the response that I will need to petition court.

I would rather not file complaint with state licensing board, nor file insurance fraud complaint, as I’m weary of conflict. Yet, I feel that I’m being screwed because this therapist has input to the court system on decisions related to my children.

I think any honest therapist has to admit that they really haven’t a clue what “most” therapists are like, and that therapy is always a risk because there is no good way to determine in advance whether a given therapist is competent and ethical, or a total whackjob.

Steve’s case is an excellent example. He went to see a LICENSED social worker and found himself and his family in the middle of a nightmare, in just one session.

Steve and Allie, your recent posts have touched me the most. It is clear you both have had some terrible experiences with therapy, but I so hope you won’t allow these experiences to color your view of all therapists. I can tell you firsthand, THERAPISTS DO SO MUCH GOOD! My life was saved by a great therapist many years ago, and that is the reason I am now a therapist myself.

I think one of the primary keys to good therapy is making a genuine, therapeutic connection with the therapist. Connections really are the key to any relationship, and a relationship with a therapist is no different.

Connections can be tricky though, as with any relationship. Sometimes clients are so in need of a connection with another person that they appear to – or actually do – connect easily with the therapist. Sometimes they have been so hurt by broken connections with friends or loved ones, they have a difficult time making any connections at all. Regardless of the client’s experiences or needs, it is the therapist’s responsibility to determine what the initial level of connection can or should be with the client … and how that connection should or should not evolve with time.

When I speak with clients, I try to get a clear understanding of where they are, emotionally speaking, as quickly as possible, so that I can meet them there and have a place to start. For those who seem like they need to talk, to tell me their story, I simply give them the floor on a first visit. I allow them the freedom to tell me what’s important to them, and I use what they say as a foundation for setting goals.

For those who seem more reluctant to talk and tell me their story, regardless of the reason, I begin by asking a few nonthreatening questions designed to make them feel comfortable, make them feel like it’s safe to talk to me.

My entire objective is to find some common ground where a connection can potentially be made. Working with clients in this way has helped me to form connections with them and ultimately help them move toward emotional health.

As for the experiences of many is posted in this blog, I think a genuine, therapeutic connection may have been missing. I know this happens for lots of different reasons – sometimes it takes the client a while to feel comfortable with the therapist; sometimes the therapist isn’t focused on developing a connection; and sometimes the therapist and client just may not be a good fit.

As someone so appropriately said, therapy is an art and not a science. And therapists are human and not robots. If I can establish a genuine connection quickly, we can move to the more difficult issues more quickly. When I work with clients that need a little more time, I try to stay focused on the tangible and concrete issues and develop a rapport more slowly. Either way is fine and is ultimately beneficial to the client. And that’s the point of therapy.

When I was in my early 20s, I was dealing with a specific issue and went to a counselor on my college campus. I had never been to a counselor before, and my expectation was that he would be able to give me some advice that would help me with my issue. To make a long story short, he didn’t help me at all. He listened to me, and he basically repeated back to me everything I had said. But he gave me no advice whatsoever. Nothing terrible happened; he just simply wasn’t helpful. I walked away feeling like it had been a complete waste of my time and his.

While that experience did leave a bad taste in my mouth about therapy, I’m so thankful I didn’t assume all therapists would be just like him. It was probably 10 years later that I sought therapy again for a much more serious issue and found the one who changed –saved– my life. And that’s why I am now so passionate about therapy.

While I would encourage anyone to stop seeing a therapist who makes them feel uncomfortable – and I certainly know there are therapists out there who act in unprofessional ways – I would also encourage them not to assume that all therapists are bad just because they found one who was. Most of us choose this field so that we can help others, and we work hard every day to that end. :-)

Best regards,

Kelly

My son (14) had gotten into an altercation with my wife the week before and there was some shoving and he called her a B****. Actually I believe my wife initiated the conflict. So I set up a session with a company that works with my insurance carrier. When we met with the social worker I explained to her the altercation and the fact that my son had put holes in his walls over the past year including his baseball bat and his hatchet (he uses it when we camp). She interviewed us first and asked if we had knives in the house and guns, I said yes and that they are for sporting and are kept hidden way. My son had never threatened any one and was very interested in hunting. She immediately said that we must remove all the guns and knives (including our kitchen knives) and that my wife and daughter were in grave danger. I’m sort of taken back by this and said that I thought she was over reacting. She had my wife in tears. When my son came in he would not respond to her as he was upset for being there. When he would not respond to her questions she got aggressive and said to him I expect you to give me the respect I deserve and answer my questions and make eye contact. She basically wanted a contract with him that all the knives and guns would be removed and if he did not agree to this she would take action. He became very upset at her and yelled at us for taking him there and that he hated us and the he would kill himself rather that have to go through this (he can be immature and say things he doesn’t mean when). I told the social worker that things were getting off tract that that we need another approach. She left the room and returned and wrote a note to me that said “the police were on their way”. I was stunned. When the police arrived she said that she was filling out a ED order that that my son was to go with them to the hospital that happened to be across the street. She said it was too late to do anything and that basically he would go there for an evaluation and then be transported to a mental heath facility whether or not we liked it. The police said to my son that you can walk with us or we’ll put the handcuffs on you. The ambulance showed and he went willingly with them to the hospital. I was at this point floored and livid beyond comprehension. I told here that this was a huge mistake and that we came there for counseling and help and when he did not cave to her bulling tactics she got aggressive. Please keep in mind that he never threatened us or her or anyone other than the comment about killing himself the one time. She left us with the impression that he would not be coming home and that he would end up in a ward. I cannot tell you how upset I was, He was admitted and the doctor order a blood and urine test (drugs). Of course it was clean because he had never done drugs or alcohol. The girl who took his blood warmed right up to him and he started to respond in a friendly manner. After an hour or so the hospital family therapist showed up and interviewed us and my son (alone). He was very friendly with her and very talkative. After she interviewed my son one-on-one she gave me a couple of references for therapists she liked. I informed her that I was very upset at the social worker and that I had a mind to report her to the state and gave her an overview of what happened. She said she would call and speak with her then get us our discharge. The social worker was in a session so she did not speak with her. We were discharged. Keep in mind that we are professionals and are very friendly and outgoing people. The people at the hospital were very friendly to my son and it was a nice experience there. Later that night a cop showed up at my house and mentioned that he received some sort of sketchy call about my son being ED’ed. I explained to him the situation and that we went to the hospital, complied and were discharged. He said something to the effect that I was upset and the situation at the hospital (the social worker probably eventually spoke with the hospital). I said I was but I was calm and that I would take whatever action I need to. He left after a friendly conversation.

My issues:

1. She never gave us counseling.
2. She actually made diagnosis such as he should see a neurologist, he is not ADHD (one concern I had), and that he may have depression. All this diagnosis with 20 minutes with us and 20 with him.
3. She scared the hell out of us my calling the police and leaving us with the impression that he would be locked up.
4.Never consulted us on how we wanted to handle things before calling the police.

Most likely I will never go to a therapist after this horrific experience.

Thanks,
Steve

Ask this questions of therapists: “Why are you a therapist?” If they say something like, “I want to create harmony in interpersonal relationships..”, RUN!!! It’s a means to end for them—lots of money!

My pet peeves which caused me to quit:

1. Phone calls during therapy – this is your job, profession. Perhaps rip your phone out of the wall and survive 50 minutes without it. You are either there to engage the patient or the phone. If it’s a TRUE emergency, a patient will understand. Ask the patient to turn their phone off too. I always did till I had a T that answered calls during therapy. I went the 2nd visit and answered my phone throughout then told her, “This isn’t working out. I’ll find someone else.”

2. No license, no therapy – Hey, if you want to be a good samaritan, good. I ain’t paying for it though.

3. The T with one field of study – No idea what they are, don’t care, hope Freud’s diaper was clean.

4. Patients are science projects – No, I don’t want to be a study for your paper, your grant, your benefit, etc. Nothing against it. Just it should be a free thing if I am. Not telling me about it really, really, really pisses me off.

5. Expensive or dumpy office – Comfy is good. If it’s not comfy, you don’t want people to stay. If your office is a dump, you need help more than I do.

6. Therapy at a T’s home – No. It should be called fraud. Was your license revoked? Kicked out of a practice?

7. Religion as therapy – I’m really glad Jesus, Buddha, your cat, the tooth fairy, your imaginary friend, etc. works for you. Save your witnessing for elsewhere. (I actually told one where she could put Jesus.) Christian Counseling is a joke IMO.

8. Asking me to do something for you – Ask me outside therapy. NO, I WILL NOT BUY STUDY GUIDES OR BOOKS YOU WROTE FROM YOU! $300 an hour and you want my to buy your book for $10???

9. Cancelling my appointments because they have something better to do. ‘Nuff Said.

10. Treating your therapy practice as a hobby – Basically, this racket pays for my vacations to Europe or I wouldn’t be doing it.

11. Just because I’m pretty and you can see my cleavage does not mean I want to be ogled. Yeah, it was women Ts who offended here. Shove your fashion advice. I’m not dressed like a hooker.

12. Ask me details about my sex life. Read penthouse letters instead. I’m a contributor. My child rape is the only details you need to know unless I ask a question like..”Do I do because happened when I was raped?”

13. Talk about how great you are like “I was the therapist to .” So, since you bring it up all the time, you’ve been a total loser since then, right?

14. Talk about other patients they’ve helped or are helping treating that confidentiality like it’s nothing.

15. If they gripe about reviews on here, run.

16. If they ask you to put good reviews on here, run.

How to fire a therapist: don’t go back. You are under absolutely NO obligation to tell them anything. However, they are if they quit you.

If you have a T that is abusive, take a recording device they can’t see, record it and see a lawyer. A lawyer will know exactly what to do with the recording and any other evidence you have.

Therapy is a job. Some excel and many don’t. The best thing anyone can do is not go to the one’s that don’t do it well and hope they quit due to lack of money and find something else to.

If you go to a group, ask other patients who is a good T. They know. It’s the best advice you’ll get.