By Kalila Borghini, LCSW and Ordained Yoruba Priest, Spirituality Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Kalila and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

One of the unique features of my practice is my ability to assist patients who are comfortable using a range of religious and spiritual practices to achieve closure on unresolved conflicts and trauma. These include individuals who may have spent years uncovering the root causes of their suffering but who still are not at peace with an individual, a situation or an event that has traumatized them, particularly if it involves someone who is deceased.

This was the case with a patient I’ll call Janine. My dual credentials as a Psychotherapist and Ordained Yoruba Priest were what motivated her to call me for help. She came to me after having spent many years in traditional psychotherapy during which she had gained a great deal of self-awareness. However, she could still not shake a feeling of vulnerability, particularly as it related to one deceased uncle of hers whom she had known to be mentally ill. She had vague recollections of frightening encounters with him that still continued to trouble her.

As it happens, her particular religious tradition believed it was important to honor the ancestors. (If you think about it, most traditions do). However, she was really struggling with honoring this particular man. She had recently undertaken an extensive search of all of her deceased family members in the hope of healing her wounds through a deeper understanding of the past. However, with him, she felt she was blocked.

With my encouragement, she began to research as much information as she could find about him. This was quite a laborious task, as all other living relatives were now deceased; she had no social security number, date of birth, date of death, and so on. But through perseverance and a bit of cleverness, she managed to obtain copies of his medical records which contained a social security number. Using that as a springboard, she also learned that he had died violently and was buried in a potter’s field.

The more we discussed what she was learning about him, the more I felt that her uncle wanted something – specifically for her to pray for the elevation of his spirit. By doing so, it would help him achieve some sort of peace in the next world. And the benefits for her would be two-fold: first, she would stop being tormented by vague memories of trauma and second, she would be able to see his behavior as that of a very disturbed and tormented man who needed her to help him. She would learn compassion and forgiveness.

Thus together, we planned an approach using research and ritual that would provide a sense of closure for what was up until now an open wound of abuse and mystery. Throughout the course of our work, Janine was able to let go of the unrest she felt as she prayed for her deceased uncle. The man who had been for so long a hovering and disturbing presence now became someone she could pray for.

There are many techniques for healing trauma perpetrated by those who are no longer living. I personally believe that by remembering those who came before us regardless of how they behaved toward us when they were alive, by praying FOR them rather than only TO some of them, by being able to separate them from their relationship to us and to see them in the context of who they were in their own lives, we have an invaluable opportunity to learn about forgiveness and compassion, especially for those who have harmed us in some way.

©Copyright 2009 by Kalila Borghini, LCSW and Ordained Yoruba Priest. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Kalila and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile