Comments on: The Gift of Anger http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Mon, 22 Mar 2010 03:34:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Anne Ream http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24799 Anne Ream Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:35:44 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24799 Hi Emma, I know how it feels to try to communicate with another person who is unable to continue to listen if you begin to express feeling angry. Unfortunately, that inability to listen can often make things worse. If the other person cannot understand and validate our feeling, we tend to become even more angry. That is when our anger can become a "base emotion" as Liam describes it. Anger is actually, often secondary to many other emotions and when the person listening to us is untrained and personally involved, they will often have much difficulty listening to us. A family therapist can help resolve family conflict. Hi Emma,

I know how it feels to try to communicate with another person who is unable to continue to listen if you begin to express feeling angry. Unfortunately, that inability to listen can often make things worse. If the other person cannot understand and validate our feeling, we tend to become even more angry. That is when our anger can become a “base emotion” as Liam describes it. Anger is actually, often secondary to many other emotions and when the person listening to us is untrained and personally involved, they will often have much difficulty listening to us. A family therapist can help resolve family conflict.

]]> By: Liam http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24788 Liam Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:07:44 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24788 Anger is definitely a base emotion that can become a bad habit to shake off. I think it achieves much less than dialogue. Its better to talk things through than get worked up. Anger is definitely a base emotion that can become a bad habit to shake off. I think it achieves much less than dialogue. Its better to talk things through than get worked up.

]]> By: Emma http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24787 Emma Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:03:50 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24787 I dont think its right to stop a person who is venting their frustration. It takes anger to the next level - rage. I hate it when my mother cant understand my anger. Cause of so much friction. I dont think its right to stop a person who is venting their frustration. It takes anger to the next level – rage. I hate it when my mother cant understand my anger. Cause of so much friction.

]]> By: Anne Ream http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24162 Anne Ream Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:30:29 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24162 Hi Carson, I agree with you. I believe that all adults who work with children should teach them about their feeling, as they come up, and help them learn how to cope with and express them. When we keep anger inside it leaks out as hyper criticisms and judgements of ourselves and others, or scarcasm. Often people develop physical symptoms from internalized anger. Very unhealthy! My favorite way to express all feelings is through creative activities. Doing this increases the level of fun in my life, thus raising the level of my daily dose of happy feelings! Hi Carson, I agree with you. I believe that all adults who work with children should teach them about their feeling, as they come up, and help them learn how to cope with and express them. When we keep anger inside it leaks out as hyper criticisms and judgements of ourselves and others, or scarcasm. Often people develop physical symptoms from internalized anger. Very unhealthy! My favorite way to express all feelings is through creative activities. Doing this increases the level of fun in my life, thus raising the level of my daily dose of happy feelings!

]]> By: Carson http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24147 Carson Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:29:43 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24147 When we are not given the ability to deal with things in a constructive manner then that is all going to stay pent up inside. Why is it so wrong to let someone know when we are feeling angry? What good is it going to do for us when we do not even feel like we can express what is going on inside? That seems very unhealthy to me. It is one thing to not know how to deal with your anger, but something else entirely when you try to ignore that it is even there. You have to be able to get those feelings out! When we are not given the ability to deal with things in a constructive manner then that is all going to stay pent up inside. Why is it so wrong to let someone know when we are feeling angry? What good is it going to do for us when we do not even feel like we can express what is going on inside? That seems very unhealthy to me. It is one thing to not know how to deal with your anger, but something else entirely when you try to ignore that it is even there. You have to be able to get those feelings out!

]]> By: Anne Ream http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24138 Anne Ream Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:58:07 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24138 Hi Jacki, Wow! You have done a lot of excellent work, both personal and helping others! It sounds to me as if you are part of The Solution, which society needs so much! It's wonderful to hear from you! Hi Jacki,

Wow! You have done a lot of excellent work, both personal and helping others! It sounds to me as if you are part of The Solution, which society needs so much! It’s wonderful to hear from you!

]]> By: jacki phoenix http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24123 jacki phoenix Sat, 24 Oct 2009 05:50:13 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24123 I agree with you! I love reading an article that embraces ALL of our emotions. While livingin the Bay Area, I participated in and then helped teach full force women's self defense classes. Our anger is such an importanat tool to keeping us safe! It is an emotion that tells that we have experienced some kind of boudary violation. I believe that ALL of our emotions are gifts given to us humans to help us live healthy lives. I personally experienced much abuse as a child including sexual abuse. I have much repressed anger from those traumas that needs full expression as I heal. I work with therapists who embrace anger expression healing work such as screaming, beating pillows, tearing up phone books, etc. To force me to supress or deny the emotion of anger is to disempower me! I agree with you! I love reading an article that embraces ALL of our emotions. While livingin the Bay Area, I participated in and then helped teach full force women’s self defense classes. Our anger is such an importanat tool to keeping us safe! It is an emotion that tells that we have experienced some kind of boudary violation. I believe that ALL of our emotions are gifts given to us humans to help us live healthy lives. I personally experienced much abuse as a child including sexual abuse. I have much repressed anger from those traumas that needs full expression as I heal. I work with therapists who embrace anger expression healing work such as screaming, beating pillows, tearing up phone books, etc. To force me to supress or deny the emotion of anger is to disempower me!

]]> By: Kerry C http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24102 Kerry C Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:50:37 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24102 It is natural of us humans to have the ability to turn the same one thing into something either positive or negative, and I believe even anger can be converted into something positive for us. It is natural of us humans to have the ability to turn the same one thing into something either positive or negative, and I believe even anger can be converted into something positive for us.

]]> By: Anne Ream http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24091 Anne Ream Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:08:13 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24091 Hello, and thank-you for the wonderful feedback! John, your example of Mother's Against Drunk Drivers is, indeed a wonderful example. Thanks for adding that. Katherine and "themuse," it sounds as if your parents were not educated on the topic of emotions. That is very sad and we now know so much more about emotional intelligence, I hope you will help yourselves by reading all you can find on that topic. Pearl, the feelings diary idea has grown out of my work using the creative arts, I'm glad you like it. It helps to have something physical to do with that immediate impulse. Then we can slow down and be even more creative with the situation that we were responding to in the first place! Hello, and thank-you for the wonderful feedback! John, your example of Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers is, indeed a wonderful example. Thanks for adding that. Katherine and “themuse,” it sounds as if your parents were not educated on the topic of emotions. That is very sad and we now know so much more about emotional intelligence, I hope you will help yourselves by reading all you can find on that topic. Pearl, the feelings diary idea has grown out of my work using the creative arts, I’m glad you like it. It helps to have something physical to do with that immediate impulse. Then we can slow down and be even more creative with the situation that we were responding to in the first place!

]]> By: andrew http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24088 andrew Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:50:50 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24088 I'm suprised to say the least... anger as a form of energy...had never considered such a thing in my entire life... thank you for the wonderful article and yes, I shall now maintain a Feelings Diary. I’m suprised to say the least… anger as a form of energy…had never considered such a thing in my entire life… thank you for the wonderful article and yes, I shall now maintain a Feelings Diary.

]]> By: Micky http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24086 Micky Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:39:06 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24086 Wow! I had no idea until now that anger can be used as a form of energy to do better things and even get ourselves out of the situation that actually caused the anger. I have always been taught, since childhood, that anger is a bad thing and being angry is a sign of cowardice... I didn't quite understand the logic but had no choice but to accept it. Thanks to your article, I have quite a bit of understanding of things related to anger now, and can hopefully follow your suggestion of channelizing the energy in anger. Wow! I had no idea until now that anger can be used as a form of energy to do better things and even get ourselves out of the situation that actually caused the anger.

I have always been taught, since childhood, that anger is a bad thing and being angry is a sign of cowardice… I didn’t quite understand the logic but had no choice but to accept it.

Thanks to your article, I have quite a bit of understanding of things related to anger now, and can hopefully follow your suggestion of channelizing the energy in anger.

]]> By: Pearl http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24064 Pearl Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:17:18 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24064 Anger dissipates much faster when you don't hold it inside. Better out than in! It's very hard to feel forgiveness when you can't let it go and you don't need to do it all by yourself. Therapy is a fantastic release in that respect. I like the Feelings Diary idea very much. Anger dissipates much faster when you don’t hold it inside. Better out than in! It’s very hard to feel forgiveness when you can’t let it go and you don’t need to do it all by yourself. Therapy is a fantastic release in that respect. I like the Feelings Diary idea very much.

]]> By: Katherine http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24060 Katherine Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:53:21 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24060 I feel scared I'll be judged as unstable if I show anger. In my childhood home you didn't dare raise your voice, especially the girls. It was unladylike. "They sound like common fishwives". That's what my father would say at the slightest hint of raised voices from women. Getting angry equals being out of control and you should never be out of control. I've never learned to do anything other than suppress that. I feel scared I’ll be judged as unstable if I show anger. In my childhood home you didn’t dare raise your voice, especially the girls. It was unladylike. “They sound like common fishwives”. That’s what my father would say at the slightest hint of raised voices from women. Getting angry equals being out of control and you should never be out of control. I’ve never learned to do anything other than suppress that.

]]> By: themuse http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24057 themuse Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:37:54 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24057 Thank you Anne. That was a wonderful article. I like to think I'm far more in touch with my feelings now than I was twenty years ago. If I'm unhappy or angry, I'll voice it, which was unthinkable to me back then. It took me a long time to recognize that I had that right. Thank you Anne. That was a wonderful article. I like to think I’m far more in touch with my feelings now than I was twenty years ago. If I’m unhappy or angry, I’ll voice it, which was unthinkable to me back then. It took me a long time to recognize that I had that right.

]]> By: John Lee LMHC http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-gift-of-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-24055 John Lee LMHC Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:11:45 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=5454#comment-24055 We are a repressed culture. You are absolutly right! How many times I heard things like "Shut up or I sill give you something to cry about" or Depressed! Go rake the leaves! We are not taught to cope with our feelings! WE are taught and remember the commercial "This is an ex... number 25 headache take a pill! Pills for this Pills for that. Expecting something outside of ourselves to take the feeling away! Anger is an emotion and has a purpose. It is part of the flight or fight response! Mother's against Drunk Drivers did an absolutely terrific job of channeling their anger in a positive direction! John Walsh also is a powerful example of takng a positive means to channel his grief! How many lives have both groups saved! Great Article! John Lee LMHC We are a repressed culture. You are absolutly right! How many times I heard things like “Shut up or I sill give you something to cry about” or Depressed! Go rake the leaves! We are not taught to cope with our feelings! WE are taught and remember the commercial “This is an ex… number 25 headache take a pill! Pills for this Pills for that. Expecting something outside of ourselves to take the feeling away!

Anger is an emotion and has a purpose. It is part of the flight or fight response! Mother’s against Drunk Drivers did an absolutely terrific job of channeling their anger in a positive direction! John Walsh also is a powerful example of takng a positive means to channel his grief! How many lives have both groups saved!

Great Article!
John Lee LMHC

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