Comments on: The Death of a Parent: Healing Children’s Grief http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:06:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: jennifer http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-55041 jennifer Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:02:39 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-55041 hey i am an aunt of two neices and one nephew they are brother and sisters my sister and her husband died together in a car accident ten years ago so that leave three kids behind 3,5 ,and 7 years old my mom adopted them through social services so they went to lives with her after their parent death and believe me these kid it is killing them every single day that their parent is gone and not nothing can ever make them happy my mom done every single thing she could think of to make them happy but nothing would work all they ever wanted to do was to be unhappy and make us unhappy too what they didn't understand that we was grieving too and it was a tradegy losing our love one suddenly but i know that i sound selfish saying that it affect us too because it is different to them because they was their parent but sometime i put myself in their place and realize that yes i will be completly lost without my parent i know that it not so great living with a grandparent it different i too live with my grandma when my mom got married at 12 yrs old and believe me it not so easy so yes i pray for my neices and nephew every day that they will someday find peace and understand that how life is you have to accept what god has given you and they will need to learn that we are here for them and that we are familes sometime i get confused of how can it affect a three and a five years old child losing their parent but really don't let nobody prove you wrong because it does. hey i am an aunt of two neices and one nephew they are brother and sisters my sister and her husband died together in a car accident ten years ago so that leave three kids behind 3,5 ,and 7 years old my mom adopted them through social services so they went to lives with her after their parent death and believe me these kid it is killing them every single day that their parent is gone and not nothing can ever make them happy my mom done every single thing she could think of to make them happy but nothing would work all they ever wanted to do was to be unhappy and make us unhappy too what they didn’t understand that we was grieving too and it was a tradegy losing our love one suddenly but i know that i sound selfish saying that it affect us too because it is different to them because they was their parent but sometime i put myself in their place and realize that yes i will be completly lost without my parent i know that it not so great living with a grandparent it different i too live with my grandma when my mom got married at 12 yrs old and believe me it not so easy so yes i pray for my neices and nephew every day that they will someday find peace and understand that how life is you have to accept what god has given you and they will need to learn that we are here for them and that we are familes sometime i get confused of how can it affect a three and a five years old child losing their parent but really don’t let nobody prove you wrong because it does.

]]> By: Betty L. Willard http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-40887 Betty L. Willard Tue, 28 Dec 2010 04:44:46 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-40887 CORRECTION: It was my father's MOTHER who died 3 months after he did. CORRECTION: It was my father’s MOTHER who died 3 months after he did.

]]> By: Betty L. Willard http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-40886 Betty L. Willard Tue, 28 Dec 2010 04:42:29 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-40886 I lost my father after a semi-long illness when I was 7. Have never gotten over it, though I'm 63. He was closest to me; I was an only child; I don't remember any comforting by mom or anybody. Other family members died shortly before & shortly after (notably my father's father, 3 months after him; and my cousin, age 4, in 1949 when I was 2). To me the world is a TERRIBLY unsafe place. I've been in counseling for over 25 years; am better; can cope; but do not know what happiness is. I lost my father after a semi-long illness when I was 7. Have never gotten over it, though I’m 63. He was closest to me; I was an only child; I don’t remember any comforting by mom or anybody. Other family members died shortly before & shortly after (notably my father’s father, 3 months after him; and my cousin, age 4, in 1949 when I was 2). To me the world is a TERRIBLY unsafe place. I’ve been in counseling for over 25 years; am better; can cope; but do not know what happiness is.

]]> By: Jamie Carter http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-39024 Jamie Carter Tue, 16 Nov 2010 16:10:20 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-39024 I have three children. But my two oldest children are from a marriage that ended in leaving them fatherless and me a widow at the age of 24. My daughters were only six years old and eight years old. I was always told kids were very resiliant to things like that. Now my kids are 14 and 12 and I'm thinking they may still need some counseling. I have found it really hard to help them with their grieving when I still have problems grieving also. I kmow they need help but I cant find the help they need. You can't get government help because social security pays too much and social security doesnt offeeer any help with counseling. I'm very lost and confused. If anyone can offer any help I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much.. Jamie I have three children. But my two oldest children are from a marriage that ended in leaving them fatherless and me a widow at the age of 24. My daughters were only six years old and eight years old. I was always told kids were very resiliant to things like that. Now my kids are 14 and 12 and I’m thinking they may still need some counseling. I have found it really hard to help them with their grieving when I still have problems grieving also. I kmow they need help but I cant find the help they need. You can’t get government help because social security pays too much and social security doesnt offeeer any help with counseling. I’m very lost and confused. If anyone can offer any help I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much.. Jamie

]]> By: Beth Patterson, MA, LPC http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-25327 Beth Patterson, MA, LPC Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:09:55 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-25327 Dear Patricia: I am so sorry that you have not connected with the support needed to heal your grief. It is unfortunate that the therapists you've worked with are unable to sit with and work with the grief you are continuing to experience. I agree that you have likely experienced traumatic grief. I would be happy to talk with you. Please feel free to email me at bethpatt@mac.com. Sincerely, Beth Patterson, MA, LPC Dear Patricia: I am so sorry that you have not connected with the support needed to heal your grief. It is unfortunate that the therapists you’ve worked with are unable to sit with and work with the grief you are continuing to experience. I agree that you have likely experienced traumatic grief. I would be happy to talk with you. Please feel free to email me at bethpatt@mac.com.

Sincerely,
Beth Patterson, MA, LPC

]]> By: Patricia http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-25266 Patricia Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:07:53 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-25266 At 52, I am still struggling with the loss of my 18 yo sister when I was 2 followed by the loss of my Father when I was 9. When my father died, I was alone with him in the house and I went into some kind of psychological shock. I was in the house for hours before my mother got home from work. Nothing was ever done about these traumas and they became almost a taboo topic growing up b/c my mother was so fragile. I am only now coming to understand through my own reading that I probably experienced Traumatic Grief. I think that the trauma symptoms arose every time I began to feel grief and I backed away from them leaving me with "frozen grief". I have never even cried about my father's loss, yet I am haunted by it. Everyone, including every therapist I've ever seen just seems to want to "brush" right past this and address my current issues (which are many). My own reluctance to address this doesn't help, b/c I begin to go into a panic attack when I feel that I'm close to talking about it, so in the moment, I'm just as happy to let it go. Long term, I feel some resentment that "here's just one more person" who won't help me "go there". Everyone seems to agree that the "past is the past" and I understand that, but part of me is still standing in that bedroom reaching out to find that my sleeping father is ice cold. At 52, I am still struggling with the loss of my 18 yo sister when I was 2 followed by the loss of my Father when I was 9.

When my father died, I was alone with him in the house and I went into some kind of psychological shock. I was in the house for hours before my mother got home from work.

Nothing was ever done about these traumas and they became almost a taboo topic growing up b/c my mother was so fragile.

I am only now coming to understand through my own reading that I probably experienced Traumatic Grief. I think that the trauma symptoms arose every time I began to feel grief and I backed away from them leaving me with “frozen grief”. I have never even cried about my father’s loss, yet I am haunted by it.

Everyone, including every therapist I’ve ever seen just seems to want to “brush” right past this and address my current issues (which are many). My own reluctance to address this doesn’t help, b/c I begin to go into a panic attack when I feel that I’m close to talking about it, so in the moment, I’m just as happy to let it go.

Long term, I feel some resentment that “here’s just one more person” who won’t help me “go there”. Everyone seems to agree that the “past is the past” and I understand that, but part of me is still standing in that bedroom reaching out to find that my sleeping father is ice cold.

]]> By: Joanne Koegl, M.A., LMFT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-21508 Joanne Koegl, M.A., LMFT Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:38:33 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-21508 Beth Patterson's article on loss was of great interest to me since I have ran many grief groups and individual therapy. I was happy to see her write about Worden's tasks since I always turned to his theory and tasks since he does take into consideration the developmental stages which is a huge factor on how one grieves and heals. Grieving is as unique as every individual is unique and although I use Kubler-Ross's 5 stages of grief in my work, I find that Worden's tasks gives one a much more understanding into the affects of a loss of a parent at a particular age and how it affects the person throughout life. Beth Patterson’s article on loss was of great interest to me since I have ran many grief groups and individual therapy. I was happy to see her write about Worden’s tasks since I always turned to his theory and tasks since he does take into consideration the developmental stages which is a huge factor on how one grieves and heals. Grieving is as unique as every individual is unique and although I use Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief in my work, I find that Worden’s tasks gives one a much more understanding into the affects of a loss of a parent at a particular age and how it affects the person throughout life.

]]> By: Beth Patterson, MA, LPC http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-21183 Beth Patterson, MA, LPC Sun, 06 Sep 2009 03:24:02 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-21183 Thank you all for sharing your personal stories of loss. I hope that you continue to grow on your journey. The guidance and partnership of a trained grief counselor can be invaluable to help transform grief and loss into healing and growth. Thank you all for sharing your personal stories of loss. I hope that you continue to grow on your journey. The guidance and partnership of a trained grief counselor can be invaluable to help transform grief and loss into healing and growth.

]]> By: Cara http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-21153 Cara Sat, 05 Sep 2009 15:37:32 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-21153 I lost my dad when I was five and I have to say that even now i am still grieving for what might have been because I never knew how to deal with all of that as a child. I lost my dad when I was five and I have to say that even now i am still grieving for what might have been because I never knew how to deal with all of that as a child.

]]> By: George http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-21097 George Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:47:07 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-21097 hi,i totally agree with mickie its really very heart breakin for children to loose there parents at an early age.I lost my grandfather when my mother was still in her teens it wwas really crictal for my mother to cope with the situation.If my aunt would not hav monitored my mother would not have come out of it inn the right time. hi,i totally agree with mickie its really very heart breakin for children to loose there parents at an early age.I lost my grandfather when my mother was still in her teens it wwas really crictal for my mother to cope with the situation.If my aunt would not hav monitored my mother would not have come out of it inn the right time.

]]> By: Francis W. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-21092 Francis W. Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:59:43 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-21092 My friend's mother died of cancer when she was only ten and she has never got over it. She says she never will. Every milestone in her life has been tough because her mother wasn't there to celebrate it with her. The hardest was when she had her children. We've been friends since childhood and I've seen this for thirty years. It's heartbreaking. My friend’s mother died of cancer when she was only ten and she has never got over it. She says she never will. Every milestone in her life has been tough because her mother wasn’t there to celebrate it with her. The hardest was when she had her children. We’ve been friends since childhood and I’ve seen this for thirty years. It’s heartbreaking.

]]> By: Mickie http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-death-of-a-parent-healing-childrens-grief/#comment-21090 Mickie Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:11:56 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3876#comment-21090 It is very sad to see any child losing a parent early in life... It can break a child's heart to the extent that he/she is not interested in anything at all. This needs to be taken care of by the surviving parent or any known person, or a counselor... A child who has lost his/her parent should never be let alone, someone should be there to hold his hand at all times, guiding him through every situation where his deceased parent was required to be with him. It is very sad to see any child losing a parent early in life… It can break a child’s heart to the extent that he/she is not interested in anything at all. This needs to be taken care of by the surviving parent or any known person, or a counselor… A child who has lost his/her parent should never be let alone, someone should be there to hold his hand at all times, guiding him through every situation where his deceased parent was required to be with him.

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