The Deafening Sound of Silence
August 27th, 2009 |
A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC
Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
We are often thinking, for it is rare that we allow the mind to become silent. But, it is in the spaces in between our thoughts that seem to elude us. When our systems are in need of that grace, that time of “nothingness,” we just forget, or ignore, the need to allow for its arrival. And when we are so focused on doing and being present in the material world, we forget that the silence even exists.
Our attachment to our thoughts, our mind’s constant chatter, doesn’t allow us to sit in silence, to hear the part of us that knows what is in our highest interest. In contrast, when we are focused on that which serves our highest good, our highest intentions for ourselves, the presence of that silence is irrefutable. It is that internal voice that speaks to us of being present, calm, and still. It is that internal knowing that appears when we quiet the mind. Or, if the mind is not quiet, that we are able to identify underneath all of the noise.
The Soundtrack
Unfortunately, our thoughts are the very notes that create our internal noise. Our thoughts, depending on the day, become the “soundtrack” by which we chose to live the day, even our lives. We give our thoughts power. We buy into the idea that chaotic “songs,” in our heads are real. In fact, they are not. Just because we think it, does not make it real.
Our soul, if you will, tries to make it self known amidst chaos we would often rather identify with. We ignore the soul when we think that our thoughts are real. Instead of “watching” our thoughts and observing them, we “hook into them” believing, in error, that we are them. In fact, our true self is separate from those thoughts. And it is in the space between the soul, and our thoughts, where peace arrives.
Ironically, peace never left us, for it is and always has been there. We just forget to look within to find it. We continue to look for it outside of ourselves. We look for it in other people. The material world. Experiences. Substances. Then, of course, these “things” constantly disappoint us, for they really aren’t there to fulfill us in the first place. They actually distract us. We just use them to distract ourselves from the thoughts, instead of realizing that they don’t have power in the first place. We’ve just allowed them to have power.
“I can’t do this,” “I’m can’t stay clean.” “I’m not good enough.” You name it. All of these are thoughts. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what the thought. Our minds fill with chatter. Yet, we are not alone, for thoughts challenge for everyone, no matter the circumstance. You know this already, especially if you have ever been in therapy before, it is likely that your “thoughts” have even become the focus of your treatment.
Just Because We Think It, Doesn’t Mean It’s True
But, if we actually identify with our thoughts, we then come to assume that those thoughts are accurate. We believe that “something” is true just because we thought it. Ironically, it is when we are in between our thoughts, and are not doing, that the truth appears. In the quiet, comes the reality.
In the deepest caverns of our souls lies a peaceful silent spot, one that if we were to actually walk towards, and into, would welcome and support our true nature. When we are centered into ourselves, as if riding a wave, our breath and sense of peace can take us inward. The truth is that we often don’t allow our true selves to shine forward. We don’t actively seek that part of ourselves that wants to shine. We, and the world, miss out on our energy being put forth. And we do this by identifying with the thought, that fear, of “putting ourselves out there.” Failure. We buy into the fear. We thought it, so it must be true. Ironically, that is the biggest falsity.
Fear
It is when we resist and struggle against the fear, that we give it more power. Like a damn that builds to hold back the water’s intensity, fear increases its tenacity when we struggle against it. The fear is a river of doubt that would lose power if we were to not muscle against it. What would our lives be like if we allowed the thoughts, even the fears, to rush in, to then flow back through us? What would happen if you felt the fear, noticed it, then allowed yourself to “witness” rather than “buy into it? What would you be become if you chose to not believe every thought that showed up on the doorstep of your mind, begging you to let it in to your very being?
©Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC can be reached at 480.370.7630, and on the web at www.dragonflyinternationaltherapy.com She is an Arizona Board Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified EMDR therapist. Her private practice is located in Tempe, AZ where she also runs a weekly Healing Circle that offers a combination of Eastern and Western approaches to emotional healing. Sarah specializes in helping women and men with histories of trauma, especially emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Sarah’s experience includes having served as a Clinical Supervisor for a federally funded EMDR based trauma treatment program. She is also on the adjunct faculty for the University of Phoenix and Arizona State University.
8 comments so far
Thoughts can be a dangerous thing, Sara puts it well however, that just because we think it doesn’t mean it’s true. I know personally how hard it can be to get over those thoughts and beliefs in one’s mind. The constant ‘noise’ in my mind is sometimes too much to handle.
Sometimes people are too afraid to listen to the thoghts going on in their heads. That is their way of avoiding reality and they talk and do anything they can to cover the external silence so they can mask the internal dialogue going on.
Thank you Sarah. Your words are like a soothing balm. I need silences. I dislike continual noise and chatter around me and have to allocate quiet time. I know from experience I can learn more from taking that time to focus inwards than the entire day.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Williamson in her 1992 book A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles. (Often incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela.)
Chatter conceals fear. Silence reveals it.
I am a psychosynthesis therapist and regular meditiator and however often I meditate and disidentify from my thoughts I still have the propensity to get caught in the net of worry and fear. So this article was a loving and gentle reminder of the universal soothing of silence that is within and between us all, where healing can carry out it’s work.Unless we allow this space how can we ever expect to be soothed. Beautiful.
Hi again I am interested in your healing circles, any info you are prepared to share will be gratefully received.
Thanks for all of your comments and feedback about this article. I hear that for many, silence is a blanket that comforts them. So often, and even in my own life, we can get so busy and “caught up” that we forget its power. Thank you, for taking the time to read this, and remember ;)
Best,
Sarah
Hi Elizabeth, I also sent you an email about the group. Thanks for asking about it!
Sarah