By Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D., Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy Topic Expert Contributor

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In this article about Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy I want to describe the ten take-away points that I want therapists to take away from my Master Class, Level I, and Introductory courses in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. Once or twice a year I teach a six-month Master Class in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy that meets one Saturday a month for six months. This format allows therapists to learn the model and begin using and refining their use of the model in between sessions. When I teach this class across the US and Canada, I usually provide three two-day sessions separated by one to two months; again this allows therapists to practice and refine their competency over time. I’ve also have the privilege of teaching Level I and Introductory Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy courses in Singapore, Finland, and the Czech Republic. In all instances I want the participants to come away understanding these ten points. I often introduce each one by saying, “If only take away one thing from this class, it’s this….” Of course, by the end of the class there are ten of these.

The Ten Take-Away Points:

1. Kind attributions.
2. All behavior is adaptive; a. Mental health is flexibility. Many children’s “problems” can be seen as caused by rigidity and not feeling safe; b. Much of the child’s behavior can be explained by their being “relationship phobic.”
3. Strange or odd behavior represents our lack of empathy; a. Is this a child who likes to argue or a child who is fearful of being hurt, is scared, and lacking trust?
4. It’s about connections, not compliance.
5. Mistakes are not a problem, lack of repair is.
6. Who owns the button?
7. Alliance is the key. Alliance is necessary to create a secure base, which is necessary too for exploration, integration, and healing.
8. Parents are the keystone.
9. How to stop a behavior? Treat the cause not the symptom. Address the underlying driver.
10. Shame, fear, anxiety underlie much.

I will describe the first of these points now and the balance in a future article that you will see here on GoodTherapy.org.

Kind Attributions:

Why did the parent or child do what they did? Our assumptions regarding motives and intentions of the other influence how we feel about that person and how we act toward that person. For example, how do you feel about an abusive parent? If you see that person as a monster, vicious, bad, you will feel and act in accordance with that assumption. In my experience, parents who have abused their children don’t intend to be hurtful, abusive, or neglectful. They often have significant trauma histories that impair their emotional, psychological, and interpersonal functioning. They often feel great shame over their actions. Viewing their behavior this way leads you to feel differently and in accordance with that view. To be therapeutic, we must build an alliance with the other person. Kind assumptions help.

What about a child who takes things that are not the child’s without asking; without permission? How do you feel about a liar and a thief? Warm and cuddly or annoyed, irritated, and distant? The attribution that the child is a liar and thief leads you to feel irritated and distant toward that child and to act accordingly. However, many children who have been experienced chronic early maltreatment within a caregiving relationship (Complex Trauma) have learned that adults are either non-responsive or hurtful and cannot be relied upon for help. These children have difficulty trusting and so they have difficulty seeing help when it is there. When these children experience a need or want, their emotions overwhelm their cognitive abilities and they act on their internal working model of the world; that no one will help you but yourself. So, the child take what the child needs without asking. The child who feels the world is a scary place and that carers cannot be trusted; who feels overwhelming shame later over the child’s actions and so hides by denying the child’s actions may evoke you empathy and caring.

So, as you see, your attributions regarding the other person profoundly influence how you feel about that person and then how you will act toward that person. To be therapeutic with parents and children we need to have kind attributions regarding their motives and motivations.

©Copyright 2009 by Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Arthur and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile