Three Steps for a Successful ADHD Marriage
July 18th, 2012
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can present many challenges for parents. Raising children with ADHD can be both exhilarating and exhausting. But when an ADHD child grows up and enters a relationship with another person, it can be even more taxing. Adult ADHD can be a mystery to those with ADHD and those who love them. Sometimes adults are unaware that they have ADHD and only realize after months or years of difficult and unexplained tensions in a marriage or committed relationship. Regardless of whether or not the ADHD was diagnosed in childhood or adulthood, there is hope for marriages partners dealing with it.
In a recent article, Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., an author and psychotherapist, says that sharing responsibilities such as finances, chores, and parenting can bring ADHD symptoms to the forefront of the relationship. How couples address the symptoms and work through the tasks has a significant impact on the severity of the ADHD and the emotional status of each partner and the relationship as a whole. The first step is to get an accurate diagnosis. Once this has happened, couples can work together to manage the symptoms, the treatment, and their shared household responsibilities.
Gina Pera, an author and expert on adult ADHD, says that having structure and simplicity is essential in an ADHD relationship. When one spouse understands the limitations of the other, they can pick and choose the chores that are best suited to each person’s capabilities. This is true in every relationship, whether there is an underlying psychological condition or not. The most important things to remember when living in an ADHD marriage are these three elements: education, action, and empathy. Pera says that couples should learn about ADHD and copy strategies other successful couples use in their marriages. Take action to overcome the hurdles and work through the problems respectfully and as a team. And finally, be understanding of each other. Pera adds, “Having empathy and compassion for each other is vitally important in these relationships.”
Source:
Sarkis, S. (2012, July 9). ADHD and marriage: An interview with Gina Pera. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephanie-sarkis-phd/adhd-relationships_b_1659300.html
Related articles:
Living with Frustration in a Relationship
Rewiring Your Brain: When Genomes Meet Connectomes
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Comments
You sure would have to have a lot of empathy to be successful in a marriage with a partner who has ADHD. It is hard for people who are afflicted with this to focus and concentrate; hopefully by the time that they have reached adulthood they will have found some ways of coping that work well for them. If they haven’t that would have to be one of the first tasks that we would focus on as a couple, because I am not sure that I could stand all of that scatter that can come with ADHD that is not under control.
My husband had adhd when a student but now shows few signs of it now as an adult. I don’t know if it went away or he just handles it better than he used to do.
good topic to talk about.a neighbor of mine has adhd and his marriage is doing just fine.although I do not know the details,I am sure he and his wife work for and accommodate the disorder in their marriage.working on things can often help you get the better of the biggest of adversaries.
I have a friend with ADHD and is married as well. One day he was working on the roof and got distracted and walked right off the roof! I asked if he was on medication and told me about the computer program he uses now to focus. He says it’s helped tremendously within his marriage and his work, maybe it could work for you as well.
I have done a lot of homework on this topic. I found no quantitative statistics that convinced me that medication is the way to go. I feel that parents with children and persons suffering from ADHD/ADD should seek alternatives to the current medications available. I have a child with ADHD. I tried the Ritalin with little to no success. I found the drug made my child lethargic and once it wore off she would either crash or become even more hyper-active. Believe me, I tried it for a period of time to see if it would build up in her system and alleviate not only the behavior but the side effects. It did not. After talking to my friend and doing research, I found a program that is working for my child and my family. I use Play Attention. Play Attention is a program that builds behavioral shaping. Since investing my child’s mental health into this platform I have now learned that they are using this program at nuclear power plants, nascar mechanics use it, why? To focus and reach their maximum potential. Personally, I just want my child to live a normal, loving life and enjoy life to the maximum. Hope this helps you as well. Jnystrom
What a great article. Understanding how Adult ADD/ADHD affects executive functioning such as listening, planning, strategizing, and organizing affects relationships. It is essential to understand ADHD so that each person in the relationship can have empathy and compassion for each other, exactly as this article explains. Diagnosing and treating ADHD is a key step on improving a relationship.
Scott Shapiro, MD
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