By Kalila Borghini, LCSW and Ordained Yoruba Priest, Spirituality Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Kalila and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

What better place to begin my tenure as a Topic Expert on Spirituality than with the Ancestors. By “ancestors” I mean those in our bloodline who have passed on. And so I open this article with the Yoruba saying “maferefun egun” which means “I give praise to the Ancestors.” Indeed, none of us would be here without them. And whether we know much about them or even liked most of those that we did know is less important than our acknowledgement of their role in our lives.

In my work as a Psychospiritual Therapist (for lack of a better description of myself), I often start out asking my clients for some family history. We do what’s called a Genogram which ends up looking something like a corporate organizational chart or family tree with lots of additional information. I ask clients to go as far back as they remember on both sides of the family and provide me with information such as names, birthplace, birthdays, ethnicity, religion, education, profession, economic status and any other qualities and key events including the presence of abuse, addiction and mental illness, trauma, key achievements, losses and so on. In the course of this process, which usually takes two or three sessions, clients begin connecting the past to the present.

From that point on, we both have a frame of reference for many of the subsequent conversations we have about family of origin and their impact on current issues. What eventually emerges is a deeper understanding of those “invisible loyalties” clients have to family rituals, values, behaviors, beliefs and fears. (I take this phrase from the brilliant work of family systems therapist Boszormenyi-Nagy).

During this process which initially analyzes the information on a psychological/emotional level, some clients express an interest in working on a more spiritual level. Many of them already have a predisposition and perhaps even a strong desire to have a spiritual perspective. Nevertheless, they must open the door to me. Kind of works the way spirit works – we must open the door and then spirit comes forth.

It is at that point, once they open the door, that I will talk about the Yoruba beliefs and practices with the ancestors as a point of reference. I will explain that we believe that when people die, they cross over to another realm where they become Egun. This journey takes approximately three months. At that point they no longer exist in corporeal form but in spirit form. We acknowledge Egun by reciting their names during our prayers, by erecting altars to them and leaving different types of offerings at those altars, singing, dancing and drumming for them and when appropriate, praying to and for them, and asking for their advice and counsel. For a Yoruba, the relationship with Egun is active and dynamic. When we do any kind of spiritual work, Egun is always honored and consulted first.

I might ask my clients whether or not developing a stronger relationship with their ancestors is something they are interested in. If they say yes, then we discuss how to go about doing that. Typically, the first step is setting up an altar, which is essentially a quiet place for someone to have a conversation. I describe a Yoruba altar (and even at times have shown clients my own altar). The second step is discussing how to communicate, which is where the notion of prayer comes in. The third step is discussing how to listen. This is a big stumbling block for many people who wish to work spiritually. The fourth step is what to do with the information they receive.

Once clients begin the process, reports of their experiences usually provide a treasure trove of information for both of us. We also have an opportunity in the work to talk about whom to venerate (e.g. what about those ancestors who were horrible human beings for example). This can lead to conversations about forgiveness and what happens to us after we die as well as about the importance of developing good character while on earth and the implications that has in the next life.

My own ancestors (both those of my birth family and my spiritual family) are the foundation of my personal life, spiritual life and profession. For example, when I am inspired in session to say what comes to me, it is often Egun talking through me. Over time my relationship with Egun has deepened and has been more rewarding. It is a gift that I cherish and desire to pass on to interested others.

Ancestor work is a complex topic. Nevertheless, I hope this has been a useful introduction with more to come. Additionally, in future columns, I would also like to discuss topics such as the use of rituals, developing good character as part of a spiritual path, 12-step spirituality, the difference between being religious and spiritual, and the meaning of healing.

I welcome feedback on this article as well as suggestions about other topics of interest.

Maferefun Egun!

©Copyright 2009 by Kalila Borghini, LCSW and Ordained Yoruba Priest. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Kalila and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile