Back in 1976, Joseph and Lois Bird broke new ground. In an era when “free love” meant “sex right now because it feels good,” they dared to explore the importance of genuine emotional connection in their book “Sexual Loving.” Here’s a passage from page 239 of that book:

“Only one who, tragically, has never experienced love would question whether sex can be fulfilling when love is absent. Physically satisfying, perhaps, but never fulfilling. It can never reach the depths of what we are as human beings, and what we are capable of becoming. To climb the heights, sex education is not enough. We need to learn how to love.”

Two decades after the Birds wrote their book, my colleague Wendy Maltz developed a new model to assist in sex education and therapy. Maltz and her husband Larry first published the Maltz Hierarchy of Sexual Interaction in the 1995 Journal of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, describing it as “a progressive model for understanding sexual relating.”

I use it frequently to help my clients evaluate their sexual interactions within the rich context of intimacy, or lack of intimacy. Maltz compares sexual energy to water, a “benign, natural force.” Like water, sex can be channeled in dangerous or positive ways. Loveless sexual interaction can be impersonal, abusive, or violent. Many of the people I see as a sex therapist are suffering the results of what she calls “mischanneled sexual energy.” A person who has been sexually abused, for example, will have a difficult time imagining sex as being safe or enjoyable.

Early sex therapists gave little consideration to past experiences such as incest, instead focusing primarily on performance such as helping the man get and maintain an erection. Their focus was entirely on what was NOT working, and heterosexual intercourse was the true goal because it leads to procreation.

In contrast, Maltz’s model is egalitarian, offering both genders a progressive framework for evaluating our sexual interactions, regardless of sexual orientation. She offers a continuum for self actualization, describing the conditions for great sexual interactions that fulfill both participants.

In my therapy practice I sometimes work with people who have arousal templates that might differ from what most folks consider “normal.” Take, for instance, a person who is turned on or aroused by spanking. Using the Maltz model we don’t criticize or judge the specific sexual behavior. We instead focus on the spirit or context: is spanking for these partners light and playful, with both participants aroused? Or is it humiliating and painful?

The Maltz hierarchy shows us sexual energy channeling along one of two routes: “the path to disintegration and disconnection, or the path to integration and connectedness.” She encourages individuals to visualize sexual energy as “ground zero, like the lobby level of a hotel.” This ground zero sexual energy is entirely neutral, with each of us having a choice to make in how we direct it.

Imagine that when you begin an erotic encounter you are getting into an elevator at lobby level—ground zero of sexual energy. If you descend, the negative qualities increase and intensify as you travel down, from emotional isolation to destruction of body and soul deep in the basement. Many sexually compulsive people that I work with are plummeting this way—sexual addiction moves us away from genuine intimacy to danger, dishonesty, and shame.

Or you can take the elevator up, with positive qualities increasing and intensifying as you ascend. Maltz suggests that caring, safety, and consent can lead upward in a positive direction culminating in life-affirming celebration that connects lovers on a truly spiritual level. “Which way will we take the elevator from the lobby?” She asks, “On which level will we exit? We can choose how we channel our sexual energy.”

Joseph and Lois Bird swam against the tide in emphasizing emotional connection. Wendy Maltz took that idea and developed a model which has stood the test of time. (Maltz has written several books, and her website is www.HealthySex.com.) They are true sexual pioneers whose work has enhanced our lives more than we know.

Related articles:
Part 2: Source Energy Optimizes Life – Soul Energy Exchange (S.E.X.)
What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Mean?
Dealing with Sex and Relationships in Recovery