Comments on: Getting Your Self-Esteem Back After Divorce

By: advice for divorce

advice for divorce — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 19:08:42 +0000

You give some great advice. It was really hard for me to start dating after I left my wife. It wasn’t until I started chatting on forums and got some additional advice for divorced dads that I decided to live single again. Now I feel better about myself and am happy to be moving on with my new life.

By: Eliza

Eliza — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 20:00:59 +0000

More than anything you have to take care of yourself and the rest will come. When you don’t take care of your own needs those of your kids are going to suffer and they are just the innocent victims here in all of these crazy messes. Find a way to get your life back in order, and look at divorce not as the best thing you have had ending, but instead try to see it as a chance for having the best yet to come!

By: Jamie

Jamie — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 06:44:23 +0000

Guys get divorced too, and it hits our self esteem hard. My wife left me. She got bored with me. I’m dealing with that, slowly.

I’m saying my Six Million Dollar Man mantra: “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.” Works for me. :)

By: Allie C

Allie C — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:15:07 +0000

If you had poor self esteem issues before you got a divorce then it is almost a guarantee that you will suffer even more when the divorce is final. It took me a couple of years to bounce back from the heartache and feelings of inadequacy that I could not make my marriage work. I recommend that you have friends and family lined to help you when the papers are signed because if you are like me then you will need all of the help that you can get. I don’t mean to be a downer but divorce is not all wine and roses- it’s hard and hard to adjust to.

By: Tina

Tina — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 19:06:35 +0000

So many insightful comments! I agree with Wanderer that it’s hard to love someone else if you don’t love yourself, and I think Lacey makes a great point about the partners we choose, because the easiest way for us to learn to love ourselves is by being well loved by another. Rachel’s comment strikes a perfect balance by promoting both reflection and new activities, so the newly divorced are neither stuck in the past nor lost in a whirl of empty distractions. I also agree with Lee that reclaiming your identity – and the self-esteem you had with that firmer sense of who you are – often plays a huge role in healing from divorce.

By: Rachel Hardings

Rachel Hardings — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:22:57 +0000

It is important to talk to a friend or a counselor and let your feelings out and not suffocate yourself by hiding things inside yourself…getting involved in a different new activity is also a good way forward after a divorce.

By: Wanderer

Wanderer — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 06:28:45 +0000

If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself. – Barbara De Angelis

Another reason for divorce: insecurity about being deserving of love.

By: Lacey

Lacey — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 05:10:51 +0000

When I first got married, my self-esteem was high. By the time I got divorced, it had never been lower. These days I’m about 80% back to where I was. Thanks to a loving partner I have now that accepts me for who I am and doesn’t want me to be anything but that, I’m fine. I just wanted to offer hope to anyone thinking about or about to divorce that’s reading Tina’s great article.

By: Lee Horton

Lee Horton — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 03:58:10 +0000

Thanks for highlighting the difference between self-esteem and an ego boost. You correctly point out that self-esteem comes from an inward knowledge whereas ego boosts come from others. The first step of adjusting to divorce is recovering one’s identity and with it, one’s self-worth. Thanks for this informative entry.

By: jayden

jayden — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 15:33:29 +0000

Divorce is such an emotional roller coaster- on the one hand you are probably happy to be getting out of a bad situation but then you have to start worrying aboutt he emotional and financial toll that the process is going to take. Not to mention taking care of the kids and making sure that they get what they need during this painful time, and you can easily see how there will be so many ups and downs. In an ideal world divorce would be avoided, but we don’t live in that kind of utpoia so it is what it is. I know that there are numerous services available to help both men and women get through the pain of divorce but I don’t really know how many people use them.

By: Tina

Tina — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 00:40:15 +0000

Thanks for your comments! Divorce is indeed a complicated experience, and different people come through it in different ways. I think there might be a good middle ground between the extremes of being utterly demoralized on the one hand, and trying to distract yourself from any pain on the other.

By: Ray Jennings

Ray Jennings — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 18:01:56 +0000

For all those going through this tough situation-Divorce was because the two of you failed as a couple, not that you have failed as an individual. Your lack of compatability is to blame, there is nothing wrong with you as a person. Treat it as a lack of getting along with that person and try and involve yourself in other activities to divert your mind.

By: Theresa

Theresa — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 13:17:12 +0000

This is such a tricky area.
I have had girlfriends who have gone through divorce and watched helplessly as their self esteem plummets and they feel like life is not worth living. It is painful to see someone so down on themselves when they are not at fault and need to be upbeat in order to get their lives back.
By the same token I have watched some just blossom after the divorce and really comeout of their shells. I guess it can go both ways.