Comments on: Saying Goodbye http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Sat, 20 Mar 2010 15:48:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Shelly http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-13235 Shelly Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:11:58 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-13235 This article brings a lot of insight to me. im glad that I'm not the only one who has went through something like this. I feel so guilty getting mad at someone over the stupidest things when it really is just something so little. This article brings a lot of insight to me. im glad that I’m not the only one who has went through something like this. I feel so guilty getting mad at someone over the stupidest things when it really is just something so little.

]]> By: Kayla http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-13155 Kayla Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:12:15 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-13155 This makes me sad. The end of your life should be a happy time, a time of reflection upon all of the good you have known and the joy of having a family around that cares for you. Instead it is too often filled with steeling yourself against the inevitable of what is to come and I am sure that this more than almost anything else causes so many of the elderly to decline so rapidly in both their physical health as well as mental health. Perhaps this will give us all a better understanding of what many of them are going through and will help us to treat them more kindly as a result. This makes me sad. The end of your life should be a happy time, a time of reflection upon all of the good you have known and the joy of having a family around that cares for you. Instead it is too often filled with steeling yourself against the inevitable of what is to come and I am sure that this more than almost anything else causes so many of the elderly to decline so rapidly in both their physical health as well as mental health. Perhaps this will give us all a better understanding of what many of them are going through and will help us to treat them more kindly as a result.

]]> By: Henry http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-13049 Henry Fri, 14 Nov 2008 10:12:08 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-13049 Sometimes I wonder whether all this has something to do with seeing the light. Anyway I do remember my grandpa yelling at grandma so loud it woke the neighbours everyday. The day all was quiet was the day he passed away in the morning. Sometimes I wonder whether all this has something to do with seeing the light. Anyway I do remember my grandpa yelling at grandma so loud it woke the neighbours everyday. The day all was quiet was the day he passed away in the morning.

]]> By: neena http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12933 neena Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:30:50 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12933 Your article brought back plenty of poignant moments that I shared with my dad before losing him to cancer. He was fighting against pain and the fear that he wouldn't survive and we were fighting the fear of losing him forever. It created many tense moments where we argued over his resistance to treatment and his anger at everything. I guess neither of us could put the recurring fear into words and things just became worse. I wish I had read your article earlier, I could have handled the situation much better.... Your article brought back plenty of poignant moments that I shared with my dad before losing him to cancer. He was fighting against pain and the fear that he wouldn’t survive and we were fighting the fear of losing him forever. It created many tense moments where we argued over his resistance to treatment and his anger at everything. I guess neither of us could put the recurring fear into words and things just became worse. I wish I had read your article earlier, I could have handled the situation much better….

]]> By: Marilyn http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12711 Marilyn Fri, 07 Nov 2008 05:15:35 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12711 What you said is very true. I don't realize too. I had big fight with my ex when he was about to work in overseas. I don't want him to go because I read in many places that distance relationship won't last longer. I guess. I'm worried of losing him, that's why I have created such a big fight and end up breaking with him. I never know about this termination process incurs. Thanks Jeanine for widening my eyes. Now, I'm a better person in tackling this issues. What you said is very true. I don’t realize too. I had big fight with my ex when he was about to work in overseas. I don’t want him to go because I read in many places that distance relationship won’t last longer. I guess. I’m worried of losing him, that’s why I have created such a big fight and end up breaking with him. I never know about this termination process incurs. Thanks Jeanine for widening my eyes. Now, I’m a better person in tackling this issues.

]]> By: runninfast http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12679 runninfast Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:58:34 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12679 Carolyn that story is so sad and yet I know it is not unique. I have seen people time and again turn away from the ones they love in the hope of warding off future pain. But this is not the way we shoukd deal with things like this. We should all strive to get better at confronting our demons and working to make them better. Ignoring it all only makes things worse in the long run as I am sure all of us already know. Carolyn that story is so sad and yet I know it is not unique. I have seen people time and again turn away from the ones they love in the hope of warding off future pain. But this is not the way we shoukd deal with things like this. We should all strive to get better at confronting our demons and working to make them better. Ignoring it all only makes things worse in the long run as I am sure all of us already know.

]]> By: Owen spokes http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12645 Owen spokes Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:58:45 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12645 I love my wife dearly, yet I often pick fights with her for trivial things. can't help mysef I love my wife dearly, yet I often pick fights with her for trivial things. can’t help mysef

]]> By: Carolyn http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12639 Carolyn Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:58:38 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12639 This makes me so sad because I know that I behaved in the very same way when we knew my dad was dying. I was so angry with him for what I felt was leaving me, that I guess I understood on a subconscious level that perhaps staying mad at him would make it easier for me when he was gone. But it has not. It has left me with nothing but regrets for the things I did not say or do while he was alive so I urge anyone out there who is going through this right now to put all of those angry feelings aside and use the time that you have left in a more loving and caring manner. This makes me so sad because I know that I behaved in the very same way when we knew my dad was dying. I was so angry with him for what I felt was leaving me, that I guess I understood on a subconscious level that perhaps staying mad at him would make it easier for me when he was gone. But it has not. It has left me with nothing but regrets for the things I did not say or do while he was alive so I urge anyone out there who is going through this right now to put all of those angry feelings aside and use the time that you have left in a more loving and caring manner.

]]> By: Pam http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12595 Pam Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:40:51 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12595 I think we tend to lash out to the people we love in desperate times because we know that they understand us and are closest to us and we are just in their pathway to do so. I have often heard of people lashing out to the ones they love. I also believe this is one way for them to communicate and they don't want us to worry about them, and this is the only way, at the time they know what to do. I think we tend to lash out to the people we love in desperate times because we know that they understand us and are closest to us and we are just in their pathway to do so. I have often heard of people lashing out to the ones they love. I also believe this is one way for them to communicate and they don’t want us to worry about them, and this is the only way, at the time they know what to do.

]]> By: Tabby http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12591 Tabby Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:36:22 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12591 I have a friend who's brother died back in December. He was mentally handicapped and before he died, he was very irritable with his mom, whom he lived with. His mom took very good care of him, seen to all his needs and yet his personality was very hateful toward the end. I am sure that my friends brother appreciated all his mom did for him and I believe he knew his time was up. I have a friend who’s brother died back in December. He was mentally handicapped and before he died, he was very irritable with his mom, whom he lived with. His mom took very good care of him, seen to all his needs and yet his personality was very hateful toward the end. I am sure that my friends brother appreciated all his mom did for him and I believe he knew his time was up.

]]> By: jeni http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12585 jeni Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:21:56 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12585 this makes so much sense to me. It's like we don't want to separate from our friends or loved ones and when we are mad, it's easier for us. It's like.. I'll show them and we do things in haste without really thinking about it. I had a friend who lived in the same town as me.. she moved to another town, about an hour away. I was a little disappointed and when I didn't hear from her, I got kind of angry, that she had made knew friends and I was no longer her "best" friend. I have told my husband many times that she must like them more than me because she never visits. The truth is.. I still consider her a good friend, but at the same time, feel betrayed this makes so much sense to me. It’s like we don’t want to separate from our friends or loved ones and when we are mad, it’s easier for us. It’s like.. I’ll show them and we do things in haste without really thinking about it. I had a friend who lived in the same town as me.. she moved to another town, about an hour away. I was a little disappointed and when I didn’t hear from her, I got kind of angry, that she had made knew friends and I was no longer her “best” friend. I have told my husband many times that she must like them more than me because she never visits. The truth is.. I still consider her a good friend, but at the same time, feel betrayed

]]> By: Suzanne Rodgers http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12525 Suzanne Rodgers Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:29:33 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12525 I appreciate the work you did with this couple. I have found that with patients and with others, anger is easier to come out than sad and empathic feelings at times. I have worked with an elder in my practice and in the first 3 years he was very angry with his wife who had passed away when I began to see him. He would tell stories about their life together and he couldn't find much to say that was nice. When the 4th year of our work came around, he began to really recognize that he felt his wife was not that bad, they didn't always get along but now he missed her and felt the sad depressed part. I'm thankful that I was able to experience this with him. There were times in the treatment I would try to explore other experiences with his wife and it was always met with anger. Now he can talk about his life in more realistic terms and feelings. He is 95 years old, and I enjoy working with him. He is much more at ease now. Suzanne I appreciate the work you did with this couple. I have found that with patients and with others, anger is easier to come out than sad and empathic feelings at times. I have worked with an elder in my practice and in the first 3 years he was very angry with his wife who had passed away when I began to see him. He would tell stories about their life together and he couldn’t find much to say that was nice. When the 4th year of our work came around, he began to really recognize that he felt his wife was not that bad, they didn’t always get along but now he missed her and felt the sad depressed part.

I’m thankful that I was able to experience this with him.
There were times in the treatment I would try to explore other experiences with his wife and it was always met with anger. Now he can talk about his life in more realistic terms and feelings. He is 95 years old, and I enjoy working with him. He is much more at ease now.

Suzanne

]]> By: Carson http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12477 Carson Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:01:21 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12477 When I cam across this article I had one of those real A-Ha moments. My wife had to go for an unexpected mammogram the other day because she had found a mass in her breast. I tried to be very loving and comforting but it seemed that the closer the date came for the test the more she pulled away from me. It left me baffled, like what was I doing wrong? The I came across this and realized that the pulling away and anger she must be feeling internally must be her coping mechanism, almost in preparation for finding something bad. Everything turned out just fine and benign, but this does give me more insight into the way we all deal with different things and how health scares can actually pull people apart. When I cam across this article I had one of those real A-Ha moments. My wife had to go for an unexpected mammogram the other day because she had found a mass in her breast. I tried to be very loving and comforting but it seemed that the closer the date came for the test the more she pulled away from me. It left me baffled, like what was I doing wrong? The I came across this and realized that the pulling away and anger she must be feeling internally must be her coping mechanism, almost in preparation for finding something bad. Everything turned out just fine and benign, but this does give me more insight into the way we all deal with different things and how health scares can actually pull people apart.

]]> By: Donna http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12459 Donna Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:09:47 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12459 Thanks so much for this. I had never given something like this ANY thought until I came across this article. This gives me little better insight into not only why older couples fight and argue but friends who are not so old as well. Sometimes we are all so afraid of what the future will hold than rather be hurt by it we would prefer to get the hurt over with by arguing and breaking a friendship down. Why is this the easier way for us to deal with things? I will never know but it is so logical that I am only sorry I was not given something to help me realize this sooner. Thanks. Thanks so much for this. I had never given something like this ANY thought until I came across this article. This gives me little better insight into not only why older couples fight and argue but friends who are not so old as well. Sometimes we are all so afraid of what the future will hold than rather be hurt by it we would prefer to get the hurt over with by arguing and breaking a friendship down. Why is this the easier way for us to deal with things? I will never know but it is so logical that I am only sorry I was not given something to help me realize this sooner. Thanks.

]]> By: Holly D http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/saying-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-12431 Holly D Wed, 29 Oct 2008 17:15:40 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1065#comment-12431 This makes so much sense to me. There were times near the end of their lives when I saw my grandparents arguing over such silly things and it always totally baffled me. They used to be so loving and here they were spending the rest of their days (which were surely limited) arguing. They just did not know how they were going to be able to say goodbye to one another once the time came. This is a bittersweet reminder of how fragile life and love both can be. This makes so much sense to me. There were times near the end of their lives when I saw my grandparents arguing over such silly things and it always totally baffled me. They used to be so loving and here they were spending the rest of their days (which were surely limited) arguing. They just did not know how they were going to be able to say goodbye to one another once the time came. This is a bittersweet reminder of how fragile life and love both can be.

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