By Joyce A. Thompson, MS, LMFT, Abuse Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Joyce and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Many survivors have heard the terribly painful comments from others who just did not ‘get it’, telling them that their abuse was in the past and to basically ‘get over it’. But sadly, childhood abuse causes many difficulties for those survivors, and it’s not simply a matter of ‘forgiving and forgetting’. Not everyone experiences the same after-effects of childhood abuse, but there are many commonalities among survivors in what they suffer.

These difficulties often include the numbing of emotions and the avoidance of feelings, people, places, and circumstances which may trigger memories of past abuse (whether consciously or unconsciously). In adulthood, one might notice that they have ‘gaps’ in their memory or no recollection of parts or all of their childhood, at all. They might notice problems with their concentration, ranging from mild to severe. Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks are complications in adulthood often associated with unresolved childhood abuse issues. Women who were sexually abused as children tend to struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, sexual difficulties, eating disorders, self-harming behaviors, flashbacks to the traumatic events, sleeping difficulties including nightmares, anger, a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, or powerlessness, amnesia, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and suicidal ideation and/or suicidal attempts. Severe childhood abuse can result in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and/or Dissociative Identity Disorder; leaving the adult female to feel a sense of being in a dream state or as if nothing is real. Oftentimes adults will make an attempt to use addictive behaviors to deal with the overwhelming emotions which result. Common addictions include the use of alcohol, drugs, food, gambling and over-spending, and other compulsive behaviors. Unfortunately, although these behaviors sometimes provide temporary relief, in the long run they only add to and complicate the problems.

Although your situation may feel hopeless, it is not. For starters, try educating yourself on what constitutes childhood abuse and learn the effects of this abuse on those struggling in adulthood; many books are available on the subject and can be of help in beginning this difficult journey of recovering. It is amazing how much easier it is to ‘connect the dots’, once we learn what actually makes up child abuse. When you grow up in an abusive home as a child, abuse seems normal. It’s common to assume that everyone lives that way. Once you begin to educate yourself on what is and is not abusive, it becomes easier to take an honest look at your past and to acknowledge your pain – past and present, resulting from that abuse. Bookstores, the library, and trusted sites on the internet can provide invaluable information on this topic. Be careful though to pace yourself, as the feelings can sometimes become overwhelming. If you do begin to feel overwhelmed (especially if you begin to feel helpless and hopeless about your situation), seek out the help of a therapist; preferably one who specializes in childhood trauma and abuse.

Oftentimes a trusted therapist can make the difference between suffering and healing. However, it is important to seek out a therapist who is skilled in working with those who have suffered from childhood abuse. Otherwise, you might unfortunately end up with a therapist who tells you literally or figuratively that your damage is too great to overcome. This can cause even greater harm to you in your painful struggles.

You might also consider joining a therapy group for those females working to overcome the effects of childhood abuse. This can provide a safe environment in which to learn about the lasting effects of the abuse and to learn ways in which to overcome these effects. A therapy group can offer a place in which you will be supported by others who are dealing with the same painful issues. It can provide a place where you will be respected and believed and where your feelings will be validated. It can also provide a safe and supportive environment in which healing can occur.

Therapy, whether individual or group, can help you as you begin working through the traumatic events of your past and the related emotions. In time, you will learn how to go about leading a happier and more fulfilling life. During the healing process, remember to be good to yourself; perhaps soaking in a bubble bath while listening to soothing music, spending quality time with a trusted friend, reading a book just for fun, sharing a laugh with others, etc. Remember to love yourself and to never forget the inner strength which you possess; the resiliency which resides within you can take you far in your recovery. Childhood abuse can continue to cause problems for the survivor, long after the abuse occurs. Trying to ‘forget’ the abuse and neglect can sometimes add to the problem. The damage done will not go away, no matter how hard you try to forget what happened. Instead, you must seek out others who can be supportive and understanding. Although this recovery work is painful at best, if accomplished with the ‘right’ therapist for you, it can be a very rewarding journey.

©Copyright 2009 by Joyce A. Thompson, MS, LMFT. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Joyce and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile