Comments on: Recovering from Infidelity http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Fri, 19 Mar 2010 23:18:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Rob Scuka http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21421 Rob Scuka Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:34:53 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21421 Robin, Given what you have described, I encourage you to seek out individual thetapy if you have not already done so. Good luck. Rob Scuka Robin,
Given what you have described, I encourage you to seek out individual thetapy if you have not already done so. Good luck.
Rob Scuka

]]> By: Rob Scuka http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21420 Rob Scuka Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:33:24 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21420 Dear Jesse, I am sorry to hear of your circumstances as well. While there often are issues in a marriage preceding infidelity, no such preexisting issues justify anybody's choice to engage in infidelity. Also, strange as it may sound, some people have affairs even though they are happily married. So while it may be a positive thing to ask yourself what you can learn for yourself from how you were in the marriage relative to possible future relationships, I encourage you to not think in terms of what you could have done to prevent his infidelity since he was 100% responsible for making that choice. Rob Scuka Dear Jesse,
I am sorry to hear of your circumstances as well. While there often are issues in a marriage preceding infidelity, no such preexisting issues justify anybody’s choice to engage in infidelity. Also, strange as it may sound, some people have affairs even though they are happily married. So while it may be a positive thing to ask yourself what you can learn for yourself from how you were in the marriage relative to possible future relationships, I encourage you to not think in terms of what you could have done to prevent his infidelity since he was 100% responsible for making that choice. Rob Scuka

]]> By: Rob Scuka http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21418 Rob Scuka Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:23:12 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21418 Dear Fiorghra, I am sorry to her about your situation. Trust can indeed be compromised by what is referred to as emotional infidelity, even if it has not (yet) become sexual infidelity. Therapy under such circumstances is virtually a necessity in order to rebuild trust. As the previous post by Mike indicated, regaining trust needs to become the number one priority for a relationship to be able to heal. Rob Scuka Dear Fiorghra,
I am sorry to her about your situation. Trust can indeed be compromised by what is referred to as emotional infidelity, even if it has not (yet) become sexual infidelity. Therapy under such circumstances is virtually a necessity in order to rebuild trust. As the previous post by Mike indicated, regaining trust needs to become the number one priority for a relationship to be able to heal.
Rob Scuka

]]> By: Fiorghra http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21238 Fiorghra Mon, 07 Sep 2009 13:23:08 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21238 I discovered my partner had attempted to cheat on me with an old girlfriend and though I confronted him about it, I was just met with excuses and defensiveness. Though he didn't actually physically cheat, the discovery of him attempting to do so had a profound effect on how I feel about our relationship and I know I can never leave it behind until or unless we have a meaningful discussion about it. Even though we love each other, as the author of this article states, the incident has deadened our relationship to some degree and has inhibited my ability to trust him. I believe only through therapy could we truly leave the incident behind. I discovered my partner had attempted to cheat on me with an old girlfriend and though I confronted him about it, I was just met with excuses and defensiveness. Though he didn’t actually physically cheat, the discovery of him attempting to do so had a profound effect on how I feel about our relationship and I know I can never leave it behind until or unless we have a meaningful discussion about it. Even though we love each other, as the author of this article states, the incident has deadened our relationship to some degree and has inhibited my ability to trust him. I believe only through therapy could we truly leave the incident behind.

]]> By: Mike http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21085 Mike Thu, 03 Sep 2009 21:50:01 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21085 When I found out that my wife was cheating on me, it was extremely hard for me to deal with. I didn't know if I should be angry or sad. I wondered if I would ever be able to trust her again after that. As I loved her a lot, I decided that I just cannot make do without her and that I should forgive her. Even though I said "I forgive you" several times, I was just not convinced. I started coming back home from work unexpectedly to check whether she was still cheating. Thankfully, she proved to me, time and again, that there was no more cheating in the relationship. Hence, over the years I have been able to trust her again and we are now a very happy couple who love each other a lot. Trust is the one thing that takes a backseat after a case of cheating and gaining it back should be the number one priority for any couple having suffered from it. When I found out that my wife was cheating on me, it was extremely hard for me to deal with. I didn’t know if I should be angry or sad. I wondered if I would ever be able to trust her again after that. As I loved her a lot, I decided that I just cannot make do without her and that I should forgive her.

Even though I said “I forgive you” several times, I was just not convinced. I started coming back home from work unexpectedly to check whether she was still cheating. Thankfully, she proved to me, time and again, that there was no more cheating in the relationship. Hence, over the years I have been able to trust her again and we are now a very happy couple who love each other a lot.

Trust is the one thing that takes a backseat after a case of cheating and gaining it back should be the number one priority for any couple having suffered from it.

]]> By: Jessi http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21076 Jessi Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:42:14 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21076 My marriage never recovered after I found out that my husband was cheating on me. The revelation that he did this to me and my family was more than I could take and although I am working hard still to forgive I knew in my heart that I would never be able to forget and let go of all of that anger in order to keep moving our marriage forward. That was hard for me to accept and move on, but even harder for me was to get the image of him with another woman out of my head. I knew that it was never gonna happen, and there are still times even now three years later that I sit down and wonder what I could have done differently for him not to have done that to me and our family. But I know that there is nothing that will ever change that and that I have to stay in constant forward motion because there is no sense in reliving the past. My marriage never recovered after I found out that my husband was cheating on me. The revelation that he did this to me and my family was more than I could take and although I am working hard still to forgive I knew in my heart that I would never be able to forget and let go of all of that anger in order to keep moving our marriage forward. That was hard for me to accept and move on, but even harder for me was to get the image of him with another woman out of my head. I knew that it was never gonna happen, and there are still times even now three years later that I sit down and wonder what I could have done differently for him not to have done that to me and our family. But I know that there is nothing that will ever change that and that I have to stay in constant forward motion because there is no sense in reliving the past.

]]> By: Robin http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21068 Robin Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:08:59 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21068 I had been with this one girl for 2 years and we were in a serious relationship. Last year, I got to know that she has been cheating me (emotionally though) for a couple of months. When I instigated the matter further and spoke to her about it, her denial-acceptance-denial just choked me. I don't know whether I have been a fool, but I just don't seem to let go of the relationship and am very disturbed mentally even to this day. I have now broken up with her, but just can't do without talking to her every day. I just hope there is a solution to effectively deal with such setbacks in life and that others do not suffer in the way I did. I had been with this one girl for 2 years and we were in a serious relationship. Last year, I got to know that she has been cheating me (emotionally though) for a couple of months. When I instigated the matter further and spoke to her about it, her denial-acceptance-denial just choked me. I don’t know whether I have been a fool, but I just don’t seem to let go of the relationship and am very disturbed mentally even to this day. I have now broken up with her, but just can’t do without talking to her every day. I just hope there is a solution to effectively deal with such setbacks in life and that others do not suffer in the way I did.

]]> By: Richard F. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/recovering-from-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-21065 Richard F. Wed, 02 Sep 2009 23:55:10 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=3763#comment-21065 My wife and I struggled with my infidelity a few years ago and it has taken lots of time and complete honesty for her to rebuild trust in me. This is a good article, it really tells the fact and issues that need to be faced. My wife and I struggled with my infidelity a few years ago and it has taken lots of time and complete honesty for her to rebuild trust in me. This is a good article, it really tells the fact and issues that need to be faced.

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