Quick Tips on How to Build your Trust in your Relationship
February 23rd, 2008 |
by Jennine E. Estes, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Intern
Click here to contact Jennifer and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
It is very important to show your partner that you are trust-worthy….and here are some quick tips.
1. Follow through with what you say. If you tell your partner that you will be home by 8:00, come home no later than 8:00pm. If you are going to be late, call them and let them know ahead of time.
2. Don’t be unrealistic. Avoid saying that you will “Always” have your cell phone on or you will “Never” turn your phone off. This is unrealistic. Sometimes your phone will die or you might forget it or you might not hear it ring. Instead, tell your partner that you will try your best to answer the phone. And then….follow through with what you say (tip #1).
3. Let your Partner in. If you have a wall up, it hides things and creates a suspicious feeling from your partner. Avoid the suspicious behavior and be an open book. The more open you are, the more trust you can build.
4. Keep your eyes on your goal. Body language speaks louder than words….and so does your eye focus. If you are talking to your partner and a beautiful woman walks by, keep your eyes on your partner. If your goal is to build trust, then your actions have to show it. If you want your partner to be self-conscious, then keep looking at other women. It is your choice.
5. Make time for Communication. Communication can create a safe and comfortable feeling in your relationship. The more communication and feelings of safety, the more the trust can build.
If you have a history of trust being broken in your relationship, it might take more than these behaviors. You will have to resolve the past so it doesn’t interfere with your current behaviors. Possibly working with a professional therapist can help.
©Copyright 2008 by Jennine E. Estes, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Intern. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Jennifer and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
8 comments so far
I enjoyed reading this concise list to help us all with trust issues. Thanks!
Another great tip is to make sure you are where you say you are going to be. If you need to make a quick stop somewhere, don’t withhold this information from your partner. I have found that this makes a big difference as well.
I think I am going to shrink this and then print it off and laminate it for my couples who are having trust issues. I think having something like this to refer to on a regular basis is a great visual reminder. Putting it on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, etc. might be another way to keep these important reminders in front of those who need it most.
When I read Katherine’s idea about posting the list on the refrigerator, I immediately thought, “But the children will see it!” Then, my next thought was, “That could be really great!” Kids need to see that their parents are working through issues such as trust. And, if these important ideas are ingrained at an early age, it can save the children a lot of their own grief as they head into adult hood and adult relationships.
I am glad this information is helpful. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback!
Interesting piece. Easy to use site with lots of content. Thanks.
I think that the tip to let someone in is the best tip of all. I grew up in an abusive household so when I met my future wife it was so hard for me to tear down those walls and let her in. But through years of hard work I have been able to get there, let her in, and allow myself to have a life again free from hurt and abuse.
Building trust is such a tough issue for so mnay couples, never mind the fct that many often have a lot of baggage that they bring with them from previous dysfunctional relationships. But in order for any relationship to be successful there has to be a certain level of trust among the participants, and I think this article offers some very helpful tips.