Nurturing Yourself during the Holidaze
December 14th, 2010
By Ondina Nandine Hatvany, MFT, Eating & Food Issues Topic Expert Contributor
Click here to contact Ondina and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
—Source unknown
I love this quote (even if I can’t remember its source) because it works! The best way to combat stress and exhaustion is not necessarily sleep. In fact, if you’re really exhausted, sometimes you can find you’re too tired to sleep—or if you do sleep, you sleep fitfully. The real cure for feeling strung out and stressed is to find something that touches your heart and nurtures you—something that is enlivening, silly and even a waste of time. Something that is about play, not work or your to-do list. Children know this one really well. Why do you think they have so much energy?
A fast track to knowing what would be a heartfelt or nurturing activity is tuning into the child in you. Ask yourself: “What does the child in me want?” or “What is purely about fun and play for me?”
Then see if you can make some time and space for “your inner child.” You will be amazed what a difference this can make! There is something powerful that happens when you turn your attention and focus toward what is pleasant and enlivening. It’s as if what your radar is focused on is what you end up seeing more of, simply because you are tuning in. See if giving “your inner child” some time and space this year doesn’t change the whole flavor and tone of the holidays for you.
My favorite questions to clients at this time of year are: What is heartfelt activity for you? What would be nurturing?
I have found that women in particular can have a hard time giving themselves permission to focus on their own fun and pleasure. We are so often encouraged to focus on everyone else but ourselves, so it’s no surprise that at the end of all the festivities we can find ourselves feeling resentful and depleted! Yet if we focus on ourselves we think we are being selfish. So I encourage my female clients to reframe “selfish” and instead be “self-full.” If you are giving when your glass is full, it’s a very different experience than when your glass is nearly empty.
For the eating-disordered population, needs and self-care are especially crucial during the holidays. Ignoring one’s needs is a set-up for a relapse. I focus almost exclusively on needs and self-care with my eating-disordered clients at this time of year. Otherwise, it is too easy for food or rituals around food to become the only attempt at self-nurturing. (Look at my article “Food, Family and the Holidays” for more about ways that those of us who struggle with food, weight and body image issues can take better care of ourselves during the holidays.)
Here are some of my favorite ideas for self-nurturing during the holiday season:
- A hot bath with your favorite tunes and scents
- Curling up with a good book
- Calling a loved one to chat
- Playing with your pet
- A cup of hot cocoa by the fire
- Playing a game
- Drawing, painting, beading or doing something creative
- Spending time in nature
What are your own favorite ways to nurture yourself? Remember don’t forget to ask “your inner child”!
©Copyright 2010 by Ondina Nandine Hatvany, LMFT, therapist in San Francisco, CA. All Rights Reserved.
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Comments
My very favorite way in winter is to get out there and have a snowball fight until I can’t feel my fingers LOL. Do you know how hard it is to talk grownups into that the first time?? They forget the fun and just think about how cold it is when snow’s dripping down your neck. Once I get them out there, it’s a different story and they have a blast. You can always change clothes I tell them.
Holidaze is a very creative play on words and oh so perfectly descriptive of the season! Thank you for a pleasant and inspiring read, Ondina.
If I thought it wouldn’t get me thrown out the mall by security, I’d be sitting on Santa’s lap in a flash. Of course his legs may never recover from that trauma LOL. We never did that. My dad didn’t have the patience for queues and they were always a mile long in my town.
i may be middle-aged but young at heart is what i am…it is so good to just put aside your responsibilities for sometime and do something really fun,something that makes you happy…as for me,i enjoy playing with little kids who have nobody to be their guardian…i like spending time and being a kid amongst kids at the orphanage…
I know a lot of people reading this would say that all their responsibilities as an adult would not allow them to become a child again and all that.As a matter of fact my brother said this very thing a few minutes ago when we read this together.But I think it certainly is possible to let go of everything and just be at ease,feel the peace within and enjoy yourself.
Taking time out any time of the year to nurture your inner self is a blessing that we should all give to ourselves from time to time.
indulging yourself once in a while is not a bad thing as some people believe…it can actually do a world of good for you and get you rid of your boredom and daily humdrum…try it people!
I would love to unleash my inner child and go out carolling. Ever since I can remember I loved singing my heart out and when I’d see the carollers in Christmas shows I always thought that would be a cool thing to do.
I’m going to try very hard to be conscious of what I eat over the festive season. It’s not unusual for me to put on five to ten pounds in that short period. I’m a grazer. Thanks for reminding me that I don’t need food to nurture me and a great article.
I nurture myself by turning everything off apart from the stereo, lighting candles and listening to chillout music.
When I feel like self-nurturing, I get my husband to take the boys out for the afternoon to a movie and a bite to eat. Then I simply savor how quiet the house is and do whatever the mood strikes me to do. Usually it’s a deep, heavenly undisturbed bubble bath. Nothing refreshes me like alone time neck deep in foam.
I play with my dogs. Wrestling around with them and seeing how excited and happy they get does lift you up when you’re down. It’s as good as a workout for me! We also play hide and seek in the house. They love it when I leap out a closet or from behind a door LOL.
“The antidote to exhaustion is not rest but heart-felt activity.” I love that quote too! I think we wind down like a clockwork train when we forget to step off the daily treadmill awhile and just give ourselves a break! Why we are never as kind to ourselves as we are others is beyond me.
I’m much more energized when I go walking in the woods nearby for an hour. By the time I come back I feel I could cope with anything that day. It’s refreshing, and the exercise isn’t bad either because it doesn’t feel like exercise. Early morning is the best time, before the world awakens too much.
holidays and celebrations do bring in a lot of stress and it definitely makes sense to relax and calm yourself down either before or after the holidays or whenever you feel the need to actually.if I reflect back I am long due for one such relaxation period myself.
Being able to curl up with a good book in front of a fire place with a warm yummy coffee is my idea of the ultimate treat!
I would adore to stretch myself out on the sofa and have a fairy tale book read to me. My dad had an enormous dusty volume of Hans Christian Anderson tales that had been in the family for years and he used to let me choose a story to hear at bedtime. It’s so comforting to doze off to the words of a fairy tale. Well, you did say ask your inner child! :)
Go climb the best hill around and go sledding! That brings out your inner child in a flash. I guarantee that will be the most fun you have all year. Thanks for a good read, Ondina. :)
I nurture myself by updating my progress in my “Dream Life” journal. I have a journal that they all go into under various headings. Career, family, house, car, wellness, education and so on. Every so often I dig it out and update how much closer I’ve come to them. All the little steps are written in there that I’ve taken and what’s come to fruition. It’s amazing to see how you’ve progressed when you keep a journal like that! Feeling you’re on the right path is very comforting. The goals part may not be my inner child talking but having a Porsche on that list sure is! I’ve wanted one since I was about five.
Cartoons! Switch on the cartoons and laugh. I like it even better if I can find oldies like Scooby Doo I remember watching. Those pesky kids! :)
Give me a bottle of Merlot, some fine cheeses, a big comfortable chair, Mantovani and his orchestra coming over the airwaves and I’m in heaven. Oh, and a large, unmissable Do Not Disturb sign on my front door. All good things in moderation.
What a wonderful list of ideas for “heart-felt activity”! Thank you all for being so inspiring… my inner kid is just jumping around right now…; )
Cheers! Ondina
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