Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID)
Body integrity identity disorder (BIID) is a rare condition in which one’s ideal body image contrasts sharply with actual physical appearance. Thought to potentially be a neurological condition rather than a psychological one, BIID causes those experiencing it to believe a part of the body does not actually belong to them. This belief often leads to a desire to amputate the offending limb.
Understanding BIID
Although many people experience frustration or disappointment with their physical appearance at one time or another, the dissatisfaction felt by an individual with BIID goes much deeper. This condition often leads those who have it to feel as if one of their limbs is extraneous. They may feel incomplete or disconnected from the rest of the body.
Individuals with BIID might feel, for example, feel as if an arm or leg does not belong to them and may refuse to use the limb or desire to have it amputated. People with this condition often feel anxious or depressed due to the presence of the limb considered to be unnecessary and generally believe eliminating the offending limb will remedy the problem.
What Causes BIID?
The causes of BIID are not well understood. Some researchers speculate early childhood trauma, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, or an over-identification with amputees may contribute to the development of BIID, but due to the rarity of the condition, there is not yet enough research to determine its cause. BIID is not caused by actual physical injuries to the limb, and it is not a paraphilia, as it was once considered to be. With this condition, there is no sexual motivation for the desire to have a limb amputated.
One major theory among psychologists and neurologists is that BIID occurs when the brain has not mapped the body correctly. Because this condition is so rare, little information is available, but case reports showing a common low age of onset and exposure to amputees at a young age support this idea, as body mapping occurs early in youth. Individuals who have BIID often report a childhood awareness of the condition, which may lend further support to the theory. Some researchers consider BIID to be a result of the circumstances originally leading to the brain’s incorrect mapping of the body, rather than one single condition.Some association between personality conditions and BIID has also been noted, and some doctors have compared it to body dysmorphia, a condition that causes individuals to think constantly, in a negative manner, about what they consider to be flaws in their appearance. These so-called flaws, which may be either insignificant or entirely imagined, often cause an individual with body dysmorphia to experience emotional distress and difficulty in daily life, and that person may both attempt to hide the offending body part or seek surgery to correct it. Some similarities between BIID and anorexia nervosa have also been noted.
How Is BIID Treated?
This condition is troubling partially because there is little information about it and no cure. Treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can often reduce the distress and depression associated with BIID, and some clinicians find treating the symptoms exhibited by those with obsessions and compulsions can help reduce symptoms. Some people with BIID experience an unrelenting desire to become an amputee even after years of psychological treatment, which leads some doctors to wonder if perhaps treatments are not effective because they are not specifically meant to treat this particular condition. Still, debates about effective treatment, as well as the ethics of amputating healthy limbs, continue.
Most surgeons will not perform a medically unnecessary amputation, so while some individuals are able to able to alleviate their desire for amputation to some degree—often using canes and prosthetics to simulate an amputated limb—other individuals may attempt self-amputation or damage the limb they wish removed until amputation becomes necessary.
Further, amputation has only been shown to have a 70% success rate of resolving the symptoms of BIID. Thus, when surgeons do agree to amputate, they do not often do so until all other treatments have failed. Increased awareness of this condition is needed, both to support those who have been diagnosed and so that more effective treatments, and possibly a cure, may be developed.
Ethical Concerns Surrounding BIID
BIID generates important ethical questions. People with the condition may desperately want to have a limb amputated, raising issues of personal autonomy and informed consent. Amputating a perfectly functioning limb is a troubling proposition to many medical professionals, but some have questioned whether it is in fact harmful to refuse a person a potentially helpful treatment that may lead to an increased quality of life.
Another concern is that those who undertake to amputate their own limbs or attempt to find someone who will perform the procedure for them may face serious complications, even death, due to unsafe and unlicensed surgeries. A man died in 1998 of complications following surgery, after the desire to remove his leg led him to allow a surgeon who had lost his license to perform the amputation.
Some doctors are working to add BIID to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), but others are unsure. Those who support its inclusion argue including it may lead to further interest in the condition, facilitating research and possibly leading to further treatment options.
References:
- Blom, R., Hennekam, R., & Denys, D. (2012, April 13). Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3326051.
- Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd.
- Henig, R. (2005, March 22). At War With Their Bodies, They Seek to Sever Limbs. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/psychology/22ampu.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&oref=slogin
- Muller, S. (2009). Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID)—Is the Amputation of Healthy Limbs Ethically Justified? The American Journal of Bioethics, 9(1), 36-43. doi: 10.1080/15265160802588194.
- Novella, S. (2013, April 16). Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Retrieved from http://theness.com/neurologicablog/index.php/body-integrity-identity-disorder.
Last Updated: 01-8-2016
- 68 comments
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David
April 1st, 2015 at 4:10 PMGood evening.
I am a 43 year old man who lives in the North of England. I have suffered from the desire to be an amputee for as long as I can remember. I dream about being an amputee every waking hour of every day. It has greatly affected my lifestyle. I strongly believe if I had put my leg under a train when I was a teenager, my life now would be a lot better than it is. Although I would have to live with the physical difficulties of being an amputee, I think it would be less detrimental to my life than living with the mental issues of BIID every day. Rather than spending my life dreaming of being an amputee, I would be able to build relationships, a family and a career as an amputee. I have tried to seek help from several mental heath charities, but have received no help. I am affraid to discuss this with my freinds and family because it would upset them. I think if I became an amputee through illness or accident it would be easier for them to accept than my BIID. I do try to ‘pretend’ to be an amputee when I am alone. I often tie my leg off restricting the circulation in an attempt to kill my leg. I know this can be very dangerous. I have no desire to die but sometimes think it may be easier than having to live with these feelings. I would be willing to give more details if you are interested. Thank you.Kind regards
David. -
Jerome
November 1st, 2016 at 9:21 PMHas anyone considered in past life you lost a limb and this is why it feels wrong for you? Try a Hypnotist to find out about a past life.
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David
November 8th, 2016 at 2:29 PMHello Jerome.
Thanks for your interest. I have tried seeing a hypnotist. He did help me, he put me under and I thought I had a prosthetic leg. I cant remember much but it was a fantastic feeling, however he wouldnt let me stay like that outside of his control. I never thought of the past life transgression, so it might give me some sort of answer. Thank you for your suggestion.Kind regards,
David. -
Kendra
November 18th, 2016 at 12:34 PMHello David and anyone else who is interested,
I am a student of disability Studies and am writing my thesis on Biid. Would you be willing to answer a few questions to help me with my research? I am focusing on how society marginalizes people with Biid and how true autonomy is refused to those living with Biid.
Thanks for your time and hope to hear from anyone who is willing to speak to me.
Sincerely,
Kendra -
Diana
November 18th, 2016 at 3:14 PMHi Kendra,
Good luck with you thesis. If you would like to reach more people with BIID, consider trying a couple of BIID online forums. For best results, contact the moderator(s) first and include as much academic information (your institution, thesis advisor, scope of planned work, any IRB approval sought or given, etc) as you can as well as your plans for ensuring anonymity and privacy of any participants.
Here is a link to an English speaking one:
groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/fighting-it/infoHere is a German-speaking one (which is more active than the English-speaking one, so worth it if you speak/read German):
forum.biid.ch/All the best,
Diana -
David
November 27th, 2016 at 3:22 PMHello Kendra.
I would be willing to discuss any part of this with you. If you could leave some way of getting in touch please. I relise the moderator of this site has to consider their responsibilities, but any conversation about this terrible condition helps in a small way.
Kind regards,
David. -
Jordan
December 14th, 2016 at 5:31 PMI am willing to help you. I have this disorder. It is so devastating..
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Vanchha
July 3rd, 2017 at 1:58 PMHey
I’m a journalist and writer. When I read about this disorder for the first time it was so hard for me to accept this. Ive done some researches and now I can understand your suffering. I want to raise awareness related to this topic.
Anyone who is interested to share there details and experience with me may respond.
Your help will be really appreciated.I believe that this disorder is not as rare as it appear. There is lack of awareness which can help others to understand your pain and can be helpful for others also. -
Sofia
January 16th, 2020 at 11:34 AMHello, I have this condition but it’s a little different, instead of wanting a limb removed, I want my pancreas removed and give it to someone who needs it.
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AM
January 4th, 2018 at 7:42 PMI have to admit, I initially felt this was more attention seeking behavior than an actual disorder when I first started reading abou BIID. However, after reading some of the comments from folks suffering with this ailment… this might sound insane, but could you all have a parasitic infection? Sometimes, parasites can impact brain and nerve endings. For me, I had pain and tingling in my limbs. Thankfully, I only had this issue for a year and was treated. However, if it went on for years, I might want to cut it off, too. I hope you find a solution to your ailment. It must be awful to have this feeling.
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James
March 2nd, 2016 at 8:15 AMHi David,
I’m an MA Journalism student in London doing a documentary on (BIID). Myself and a colleague are looking to explore the condition in a sensitive and respectful way, while raising public awareness.If you are willing to be interviewed then please get in contact (you can remain anonymous if you’d like).
Thanks in advance!
James -
David
March 23rd, 2016 at 2:38 PMHello James.
I would be willing to speak to you, but I would like to stay anonymous if possible.Kind regards
David -
James
March 24th, 2016 at 6:27 AMHi David,
We’d be delighted to talk to you – and we’d happy to do it anonymously.Looking forward to hearing from you.
Best,
James -
James W
March 26th, 2016 at 3:17 PMHi David,
We would be delighted to speak to you and of course we can do so anonymously.Kind Regards,
James -
David
April 3rd, 2016 at 2:52 PMGood evening James.
I have been in contact with Alex from Blink films. Thank you for your interest I hope your project goes well.
Kind regards,
David. -
Keeley L
March 31st, 2016 at 8:45 AMHello David,
My name is Keeley, I work for Blink Films. We are researching BIID for our documentary. Our documentary will be a sensitive exploration of this little known condition. We are speaking to leading experts in the field to gain their steers on how to deal with the subject and to gain a full understanding of the condition. This will not be an inflammatory piece, it will raise awareness and explore a range of iterations of BIID as well as possible treatments.
I imagine its going to be very difficult to get people to come forward and talk to us but if we do I think it will be a very important documentary that will hopefully lead to understanding, compassion and more importantly more research being done by medical experts in the field to help people with BIID.If you have any steers on where I might be able to find communities more likely to have BIID people in the do let me know.
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David
April 3rd, 2016 at 2:50 PMGood evening Keeley.
I have been in contact with Alex from Blink films. Thank you for your interest I hope your project goes well.
Kind regards,
David. -
Jordan
December 14th, 2016 at 5:33 PMDear Keeley i would love to give my contribution for the documentary. I live in Portugal. Is there any problem?
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John
October 29th, 2017 at 5:51 AMMy novel, An Imperfect Man, published in Canada, in French and in English, narrates the fictitious life of a main character with BIID
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John
May 13th, 2016 at 1:35 AMHi… i need help on my BiiD. Need some one to get me (Biid Fix). Can some one serious help me get a solution to my problem… fast pls. ??
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The GoodTherapy.org Team
May 13th, 2016 at 9:23 AMHi John,
We’re thinking about you and wishing you the best! If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area.
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 FREE ext. 1.
Kind regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Team -
Megan
June 10th, 2016 at 9:07 AMHello David (and any others who might be interested). I’m a writer, and doing some research for a novel I’m writing. I would really like to get a better understanding of BIID by speaking to some people first hand. If you would have any interest or time to speak to me over email I would be so grateful.
All my best,
Megan
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john
June 12th, 2016 at 9:09 AMhi… how can i reach you?
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Megan
June 13th, 2016 at 1:32 AMHi John, thank you for the response.
Meg -
The GoodTherapy.org Team
June 13th, 2016 at 4:31 PMPersonal contact information has been redacted from this comment. We apologize for any inconvenience!
Kind regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Team -
David
June 21st, 2016 at 3:32 PMHello Megan.
I would be happy to help you any way I could.
Kind regards,
David. -
ANDRE
December 30th, 2016 at 5:53 PMYes hi Megan, I hope I’m not too late but I am interested, I as well have BIID
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Jeff
July 4th, 2016 at 2:58 PMI have a problem with all this. I felt for quite some time that my arm is not mine. It is half way up my forearm, which is the part I don’t feel is mine. There is a distinct line, diagonally across my forearm and I have thoughts about cutting it off with a saw. I feel that people will think that I am trying to get sympathy. I wouldn’t cut my arm off, but I do think about it and my forearm on my left arm feels very different to the right. I told my psychiatrist about this and I worry that she just thinks I am attention seeking. I have read that some people think that there is a sexual desire to loose a limb or that people want to be an amputee. I don’t want to be an amputee, but I don’t feel this arm is mine. it feels different, even though I am typing with it. I have no sexual desire or curiosity to satisfy. It just does not feel as though it ought to be there. It feels too secret and embarrassing to talk to any one else, I have never told my wife. I told my psychiatrist, because I was hoping that there may be a reason for it, but she has not told me why. I wonder if she feels to awkward to say that I am a weird person who thinks of cutting off his arm. Sad but true.
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David
November 8th, 2016 at 2:39 PMHello Jeff.
Have you ever researched alien hand syndrome. This may be something for you. I suffer with BIID, I think. Most BIID sufferers I have come across have been very specific about their amputations. Mine are mainly right leg above the knee, but I do have times when I desrire an arm amputation, usually right below elbow. I hope you find an answer.Kind regards,
David. -
Raya
September 13th, 2016 at 3:59 AMI’ve been living most of my life feeling like I need to go blind, but, like Jeff, have been too embarrassed to tell anyone. I am unsure whether the need to go blind counts as BIID, but it has caused extreme depression on my part. I have tried in the past to make my eyesight worse (ex. Bleach), but I’ve always had a low pain tolerance so I didn’t go through with it.
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Diana
September 15th, 2016 at 8:26 AMHello Raya,
Yes, the need to be blind does count as BIID. I am in a German and an English speaking BIID forum. There are at least 4 people with blind BIID in the German forum and 2 in the English forum. (There is also the much publicized case of Jewel Shuping. ) From what I know, many people with blind BIID find some relief by pretending to be blind – privately and/or publicly – aka blind simming. There is also a blind simming forum out there somewhere. You are not alone . . . . -
David
November 8th, 2016 at 2:32 PMHello Diana.
Could you help me find one of your English speaking forums. I would love to know someone else has these feelings. Thank you.Kind regards,
David. -
Diana
November 18th, 2016 at 3:01 PMHi David,
I am just seeing your message now. Here is a link to the English-speaking BIID forum I spoke of:
groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/fighting-it/info;_ylc=X3oDMTJlbHVmZGZhBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzQ0ODc1OTQEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDgzNzY0BHNlYwN2dGwEc2xrA3ZnaHAEc3RpbWUDMTQ3ODczNDIzMw–That link looks awfully long – here’s another shorter version:
groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/fighting-it/infoHopefully at least one of those will work – hope to see you in there soon.
There was another English speaking forum in the past which has since closed down, but you can still see some of it here via the Wayback Machine:
web.archive.org/web/20121022165242/transabled.org/
Other less straightforward places to meet people with BIID online include DeviantART and Second Life.
Good luck – you are not alone!
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Jordan
December 14th, 2016 at 5:40 PMPlease does anybody can help me? I am struggling and suffering so deep inside with my BIID disorder. I already tried to contact more than 100 medical tourism agency world wide, so far i am just getting no, after no. I need a surgeron to perform my leg amputation, to regain my confidence and keep living my life. My daily routine basically consists on waking up every day and send at least 15 emails for surgerons trying any positive feedback. If anybody has ANY light please contact me i will be very discreet. I can no longer living suffering in a such way. Thank you for your attention.
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Danijela
February 6th, 2017 at 3:27 AMI just stumbled across this article and comments and I just had to contribute even though its extremely hard for me to even write it down, For as long as I can remember I had thoughts and fantasies about not having both of my legs. I remember that when I was only 4 or 5, during the summer holiday with my parents in Greece, I used to play a “game” all by myself in the shallow water – I imagined that I had no legs and I kept myself on the surface just with my arms – I could spent hours in the water not moving my legs at all – I tried to forget that they are there. The thing that is confusing to me is the fact that I don’t have that feeling of “foreign element” that does not belong to me… I am fine with them and I feel them as mine. I just feel that I should live without them and that I should look that way – legless. Also – I don’t want to be disabled “per se” but I am fine with the fact that being without both legs implies severe disability and I am ready to someday live like that. I have seen the therapist on this and received no help so far. I am not close to planing how to execute this but I can feel that over years my desire have just grown and I also I feel that I am being more and more sad, depressed even, because of the fact that I might be “sentenced” to life with legs and no opportunity to ever get rid of them… On the other hand I am very specific about my desired look (which is typical for BIID) – it’s very, very high amputation of both legs with extremely short stumps. Just like someone stated in his comments above – I spend every awake moment thinking about it. And when I look down to my legs I can almost “see” that invisible line where I want them amputated… This affected my whole life and I even though I can see myself struggling against this for the rest of my life I would love to “find the cure”…. So far I found nothing,
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Joy
February 6th, 2017 at 1:34 PMHey Danijela. Where r u from? I know people that can really help you regarding the amputation if you want.
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Rob
September 18th, 2017 at 2:00 PMI have the same problem too
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Gabrielle P
February 15th, 2017 at 2:10 PMI had a partner from germany and he had BIID. Is there a cure from this disorder. I am always worried to him.
What should I do? -
Jodan
February 15th, 2017 at 3:47 PMThere are two options either undergo psychiatric treatment or the amputation surgery. I know a good contact for the surgery. They are a company based in Europe, that provides this kknd of treatment.
Regards -
Res
February 17th, 2017 at 1:25 AMHi Jordan,
What’s the name of this company? -
Dave
June 17th, 2017 at 6:14 AMYes, any information about doctors who are willing to perform amputation surgery would be much appreciated.
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Remy
August 30th, 2017 at 3:34 PMI’m pretty sure I actually have BIID, which explains so, so much about feelings thoughts I’ve had for as long as I can remember about how one or both of my arms should be broken or disabled. I even used to make fake slings as a kid. I never really acted on my feelings though and I’ve never even broken a bone before, but I’ve always been made uncomfortable by these thoughts and never understood why I had, and continue to have them. They’ve just kind of always been present and I had no explanation for them, but now I actually get it. It also kind of makes sense for me to have this since my mom was disabled and couldn’t move one of her arms, which I know being close to someone who is disabled or an amputee can cause BIID in some cases. It all really clicks together for me and I’m really, really happy I’ve found out why I’m like this!
Although the problem is that while researching it there’s a lot of people calling it weird or how it just makes no sense, which yeah it’s an uncommon disorder, but I can’t control this. I can’t do anything about it. Researching this hasn’t been the most comfortable for me. Hell, I actually found out about this through some people criticizing people with BIID for glorifying disability.
Sorry for rambling ;.;
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Isabella
April 23rd, 2018 at 8:11 PMHi, I’m looking for someone to talk to / learn more about xenophilia / BIID and the future of treatments for the condition. I don’t know if I actually have it, but what I feel like inside seems to closely relate to it from my perspective.
Essentially I am a 23 year-old transwoman, and one of the biggest issues Ive had while transitioning, for the last few years, has been my hideously oversized feet. Its gotten to the point where I just want them gone. I hate them with tremendous passion and I cant even stand looking at them anymore or having them attached to my legs. I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life as an “amputee” if it meant I could get removed. They truly disgust me and really, really hurt my ability to see my lower body as “feminine”. I don’t think this is wrong since part of the reason they are so warped and out of proportion to the rest of my body is because I went through my male puberty before beginning hormone replacement therapy. Except even for a male, they are “much larger than average”. They make me sick as of late and I wish there was a doctor I could sit down with and talk about this in regards to potential options for removing them both and receiving new, correctly sized and beautiful “feminine” amputated feet.
Thank-you for any responses and advise given, as long as you’re not making fun of my beliefs, desires and hopes for my future. -
The GoodTherapy.org Team
April 24th, 2018 at 8:12 AMThanks for your comment, Isabella. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. If you’re looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html
Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Alternatively, you are welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. 1.
If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, it’s very important that you get immediate help! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
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David
April 26th, 2018 at 3:28 PMThank you so much Isabella for sharing your story with us. I have total sympathy for your situation. There are documented cases of people who are transgender suffering with BIID and although I am no doctor there could be some link between transgender and transabled people. From what you have said however It seems as if you have only had these thoughts since your gender reassignment. From my experience I am quite happy with my gender It is just the feeling that I should be missing a limb. You say you have only recently had these feelings. They seem to have surfaced since you have had gender reassignment. I think if you had BIID then you would have had these feelings all of your life. I don’t mean to make light of your situation But I have met transgender people who are unhappy with their masculine hands and they have expressed a desire to change them But not to loose them. I think and hope if you find the right surgeon they could improve your feet without amputating them. I truly hope you can find this solution rather than the drastic action you are thinking about. Sorry I can’t help you more. I hope you find happiness.
Kind regards
David. -
RJ
July 11th, 2018 at 6:39 PMI am also suffering from this. I had been a contributor in a group on another site. I believe I may have spoken with one or more of the contributing authors of some studies. I have remained silent over the last few years in part due to the psychiatric treatment I received. My experience with “coming out “ has been detrimental to say the least. Ashamed. Dirty. Ungrateful. My physician even said “it’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard “. Not exactly good things to hear about something that’s such a big part of my life. Some have said I’m brave for choosing to seek help through proper channels. I don’t feel that way. Am I in a dark place? Yes. When there is no one to talk to, it’s very lonely. My wife doesn’t understand it, but has stood by me. My mother made sure to make it her problem and made sure to tell everyone that meant anything to me back home. I have hidden my feelings and thoughts as best I can now. No need to keep putting them through what I go through on a day to day basis. I have made a decision to seek help again speaking with the only resources I have access to. One more time with someone whom I never really gave a chance in part to my emotional state back then because of her initial reaction to the issue presented to her.
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Diana
July 12th, 2018 at 10:28 AMHi RJ,
Thank you for sharing your experiences coming out with BIID. Sorry to hear your experiences have been difficult – even with professionals.
I have BIID and have come out to my psychiatrist, my daughter, my sister, my best friend from my teenage years, and my husband.
My psychiatrist was fascinated. He however recognized right away there was nothing he could do to help the actual BIID, so he just keeps prescribing me my medication for other issues and supported me in my plans to come out to my husband. I haven’t told my primary care doctor since I haven’t had one in years. I haven’t approached any surgeons since I am sure they would not help me. I have considered seeking out counseling, perhaps with someone who specializes in transgender issues. I have heard of some success with this approach from other people with BIID. I have found the greatest help from my relationships with other people with BIID. This is mainly online, but recently I was able to meet a few others with BIID in person – amazing :)
Coming out to my husband has been the most difficult, but also the most necessary for me. I simply could not continue in the relationship without him knowing the real me. I was prepared for him to leave me, but he hasn’t. He still loves me and wants to remain married, even though he wants nothing to do with my BIID and desired disability. He will not help me pretend and he will not help me become disabled. When problems around my BIID have flared up with him he has threatened to tell my mother, which I do find frightening. I need to control who I tell and how. Telling my mother would mean losing control over that. I suspect my mother would be similar to yours in that she would out me to many people without my consent and she would try, and fail, to help me in frustrating ways.
Once you tell someone about your BIID you cannot un-tell them. It is inherently risky. And it is often difficult for those we tell. Never telling is also difficult – not being seen as the real you by those closest to you, not knowing whether they would still love you if they knew the truth, feeling like an unloveable fraud. When it comes to outing oneself about BIID there are no easy answers.
Hugs,
Diana -
Marc
September 6th, 2018 at 7:15 AMHello from central europe!
I am a BIID-man. 47 years old. wannabe LAK-amputee. Would like to talk with women with BIID and the wish of real amputation.
Marc -
Steve
January 8th, 2019 at 6:08 AMI am an elderly British male with BIID. I am in a complex situation. I hate my testes and wish to get rid of them as they are, for me, unncessary appendages. I am gay and only indulge in sexual activities when my partner of the moment desires it. I would describe myself as asexual. I have received lengthy counselling and I have been referred to a consultant urologist for surgery. Until now, and for the last ten years, I have undergone chemical castration. Fortunately this treatment has been carried out without cost under the U.K. National Health Service. I declined surgery as the consultant advised me that it could reduce my lifespan by 7-10 years but I have recently learnt that castration could even be beneficial and I believe that I shall take up the offer of surgery. So you see that, for me, relief from BIID will be by actually removing the “offensive” part of my body. I sincerely hope that other BIID sufferers gain relief in due course. It’s a debilitating condition which non-sufferers cannot and do not understand.
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Max
November 24th, 2019 at 11:01 AMHello everyone, I am a student documentary film maker and looking to create a documentary about BIID and explore the difficulties of having BIID and not being legally allowed to have surgical operations. I would really appreciate being able to talk to anyone who has it and may be willing to talk on camera openly or anonymously if prefered. I am from the UK so would only be able to film here, but I am more than happy to hear and learn about other peoples experiences from outside the UK.
Thanks -
DDW
December 11th, 2020 at 7:05 AMWhat other BIID sites can I go to to talk to others who have this condition
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Darcy M
April 3rd, 2021 at 9:07 PMHi David,
I hope this reaches you – I don’t know if you’re still active on this page. I have BIID and would really like someone else to talk about this with. I’m 19 and have tried to amputate my own leg on 4 seperate occasions.
If anyone else sees this that can help or can point me in the right direction to help I would love to contact someone.
I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for the last few years and I would really like my life back.
Thanks guys.
I am safe btw I know this sounds depressing but I have a good team of people around me, just no one that understands this problem. -
David
September 14th, 2021 at 4:34 AMHello Darcy.
Thanks for sharing your story. I do understand what you are going through, but everyone is different and we all have our own ways of dealing with things. From my own personal point of view I think it’s great you are getting help at such a young age, i wish i had done that. I’m 50 now and there is hardly a waking moment when I don’t have these thoughts. I don’t know where you are from but in England the NHS don’t recognise this. I have tried mental health services, counselling and other things but not had any success. People from research university’s and media have all shown interest, but as soon as you say you want to be anonymous they disappear. I hope you can find some help.
Kind regards,
David -
Paul
December 31st, 2021 at 8:03 AMI recommend that you begin with a past life regression hypnosis therapist who has no agenda other than to determine the condition of your limb during your past life. – Paul
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Tim
January 2nd, 2022 at 12:03 AMHi everyone. I have found an absolute cure, not only to Gender-Dysphoria, but also to what were the beginnings of BIID. I commented earlier from the name Isabella; I had my name and sex legally changed to female, I took female hormones for years, and I even had my testicles removed to stop producing testosterone, but now I go by my birth name again- Timothy. God showed up in my life in a way where I knew He was real and that He loved me. He showed me that if I would have a relationship with Him, primarily through His word-the Bible, that he would heal my mind of anything that was holding me back from true freedom. I spent time with Him, even while being on female hormones, and out of that consistent time in His presence everyday, came true fulfilment and thankfulness.
Over the last couple years of living in a relationship with Jesus, I have seen my desires go from wanting to be a woman completely, and even wanting to cut my own feet off, to now actually enjoying the gift God gave me- being a biological male, and being His son. His miraculous power has literally changed my thoughts and emotions to align with His own!
I encourage everyone here to look to God and seek Him, as well. All these thoughts I had about what would satisfy me: if i could just be a woman, if I could just have smaller feet, if I could just change my outward appearance- I finally understand that none of these ideas could have fulfilled my soul the way that the love of Jesus has fulfilled me. I know why I was created now: I was created to know God, to be filled with His love, and to share it with the world!!! He didn’t ask or force me to change the way I lived to be good enough for Him. He simply promised me that through a relationship with Him, things would get better; and they did, more than I ever imagined.
Jesus can heal us on the inside, so that the outside won’t bother us anymore! He is inviting each and everyone of us to know Him now, and for all of eternity. He created you and He deeply loves you. Just call out to Him: ”Jesus Christ, I believe in you! I receive your forgiveness of my sins, and I receive the salvation that you paid for me to have with your own life! Thank-you for making me yours now, and for leading me into genuine intimacy with you, where I will find myself: the real version that you created me to be!! Thank-you for your love, and that as I just spend time with you, you will transform my desires and enable me to enjoy the body you prepared for me to have, before I was even born!”
I hope to meet you all one day soon, in heaven with Jesus!!!
God bless you, everyone :) -
Chrishell
January 2nd, 2022 at 6:51 PMDear Tim, so glad that you are finding peace and self acceptancce. I hope that you find more and more joy in life, and I wish the same for everyone in this community.
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John
February 8th, 2022 at 2:45 PMHello everyone, I’m doing a project for one of my classes and chose the topic BIID. I thought it was very interesting and managed to stumble on this website. As I was reading the comments and read all of your stories I wanted to see if I could ask you guys questions.
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David
February 10th, 2022 at 7:59 AMHello John Ask away!
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John
February 10th, 2022 at 2:49 PMThank you so much for the response David! Feel free to not answer any question if it makes you uncomfortable or you would just prefer not to. First of all, how has this affected your life and how does it affect you on a day to day basis? As well as that, I was looking around some other websites and sources and I’m not sure if you have an exact answer to this, but one website explained as a definition for BIID that a person feels the desire to amputate a limb or cause harm towards themselves. I wasn’t sure if people with BIID would like to harm themselves in some sort of way. What I mean by this is by looking through more websites, I found a woman who publicly spoke about blinding herself with drain cleaner due to the fact that she had BIID. I was wondering what people with BIID want besides amputation. Secondly I was wondering what people or simply yourself does to cope with having BIID. Whether that would be pretending to be an amputee or acting upon that. And my last question was if you have acted upon your need for amputation or if you have found some sort of treatment? And if you have amputated a limb or done something of the sort, do you feel happier/more complete now? Thank you so much saying you will answer these questions and again, any questions you don’t want to answer you don’t have to. Thank you again!
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David
February 11th, 2022 at 4:19 AMHello John. Thank you for your interest and questions. I would like to answer them one by one over a few days as I get overwhelmed by things. I have had these feelings all of my life for as long as I can remember. The earliest memories being at pre-school/nursery. I have had these feelings every waking hour of every day all of my life at least 5 or 6 times an hour. Sometimes more sometimes less if I have to concentrate on something like complicated work problems or if I have too many things to do at once. I believe it has completely affected my life. It affected my school life by dealing with these feelings. I had to study while dealing with these thoughts. I had to hi these feelings from all my friends and family. I fail college because I would spend more time in the library studying books about amputees and prosthetics. I would sit on the train station want to put my leg under a train. I would get very drunk trying to get rid of these feelings. I never had any real relationships. I have only ever had one main job and never progressed. I have only had one sexual partner, my wife, and I only met her in my 30’s. I lived at home until my 40’s. I have never had any other real ambitions or interests. Hope this helps I will answer more soon.
Kind regards David. -
John
February 11th, 2022 at 2:30 PMThank you so much for the answer David. I really appreciate you answering and you are free to take as much time to answer as you would like!
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David
February 14th, 2022 at 8:01 AMHello John. I can’t speak for other people with BIID but for me I just feel as if I am stuck in the wrong body. I don’t want to cause myself unessecary pain. My dream would be to fall asleep and wake up an amputee. I just feel like my body should be missing a limb or two. It wouldn’t be for anyone else but just for me. I wouldn’t mind if nobody noticed. I just want to feel it. Both the stump and the prosthesis. Not just how the stump physically feels but how it would feel to have one. It’s difficult to explain if you don’t have these feelings. It can only compare in my mind to being the wrong gender. There are certain amputations I would prefer. This sounds really bad. I would ideally like an above knee amputation. Instinctively my right leg mid thigh. I wouldn’t mind below knee, double below knee, left above or below knee, right below elbow or any combination of two or three. I do want through the knee or a disarticulation i like the thought of a stump how it moves and feels. I hope this helps you understand me a bit more. Thank you.
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David
February 14th, 2022 at 8:20 AMHello John. Sorry there was a typo on my last reply. I meant to say i Don’t want a disarticulation. Over the years I have coped in a number of different ways. As I said when I was young I tried to incorporate it in my play. I would pretend by folding my leg up. I would try and use my toys to be like crutches or prosthetics. I would make leg braces out of things. I once covered my entire leg in duck tape. As I grew older I would spend time in the library reading books. I would keep newspaper and magazine articles about amputees. I would try to video record anything on the TV about amputees. I used to tie my leg off hoping to kill it. This was quite painful and dangerous. It would go grey or purple but the pain was difficult to bear. I have hit my leg with cricket bats and various other things but again that is too painful. I have sat on train stations wanting to put my leg under but I always bottle out. I tried to destroy my foot by spraying a full vsn of deodorant into it about an inch away but it eventually record. I now have lots of things to help me pretend. I have bought crutches, plastic afo leg braces and various other surgical appliances off amazon to help me pretend. I still spend any spare time on YouTube watching videos of amputees and prosthetics. I also now take antidepressants to help me cope. I hope this answers some questions Thank you.
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John
February 14th, 2022 at 2:30 PMHi David, thank you for taking your time to answer some of the questions I ask. I really appreciate you taking your time from your day to explain to me how your life is with BIID. All of the information you’ve given me is extremely helpful. Thank you so much for answering!
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David
February 16th, 2022 at 5:50 AMHello John. I will start by correcting another typo. It was a can of deodorant i sprayed into my foot and it recovered after a while leaving a scar. So far I haven’t had an amputation. The NHS don’t recognise this condition. I have tried counselling, this didn’t work. I have spoke to mental health people, they discharged me, although i am on the waiting list again. I can’t seem to move on with my life as its always on my mind. I wish i had done something drastic when I was younger. Then maybe i would have received the sort of help i need. It sounds awful but I truly believe i would have built a better life as an amputee. Im sorry I don’t mean to upset or hurt anyone. I have thought of ending it all to stop the thoughts but if I did that there could never be an amputee me Thanks again. Kind regards David.
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Judith
March 6th, 2022 at 12:54 PMPlease don’t dismiss the possibility that these feelings you have are a carryover from a previous life in which you suffered the loss of a limb or two. Medical professionals are useless when it comes to treating BIID. Seek a board certified therapist who is trained in past life regression therapy. You may not find a cure but you will find answers. Understanding why you have these feelings is the first step towards being able to live with them. God bless all of you who are trying to deal with this debilitating condition.
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Margaret
August 11th, 2022 at 7:00 AMI am a 67 year old male who has had transsexual feelings since my teens. I cross dress as often as I can and most of my sexual fantasies involve me being a woman having sex. I also suffer from what I now know is BIID. I have an intense desire to be a paraplegic and live the rest of my life in a wheelchair. I fantasise constantly about being a woman paralysed from the waist down. I am also very attracted to ladies in wheelchairs. I am married and although my wife knows about these aspects of my personna wishes to play no active part in my fantasy life. I would welcome contact with others who feel a need to be paralysed
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Jennifer
June 22nd, 2023 at 9:51 PMI have wanting my left leg amputated ever since I can remember. I am obsessed with getting a prosthetic leg. I do have a blank gun so I can get someone to shoot me at point blank range and I would be willing to pay them also if they did me this honor
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