By John Lee, LMHC, Post Traumatic Stress / Trauma Topic Expert Contributor

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Ideally, the holidays are a time for sharing of love with friends and family. For many, the holidays bring parties, sharing gifts, being around friends, family and people who may be new to one’s circle of friends. The list of the “Ideal” holiday time and the “Holiday Spirit” goes on and on.

PTSD survivors often share a different experience. Being around people is the last thing some want to do. Because PTSD is connected with the flight or fight response, people often avoid parties, places where they do not feel safe, or people they don’t feel safe with. Some also avoid people so they won’t get into trouble and they won’t hurt anyone. People and places bring about old memories. If one is really suffering, socializing isn’t an option. Holidays are often times of despair and depression. Holidays are also a time when suicides rates spike and emergency rooms fill up with failed attempts. This sounds bleak; however, despair, pain and suffering often go hand in hand with those who suffer from PTSD–especially around the holidays.

The good news is there is a road out of suffering if one is willing to do the work! My son once told me, “If I have to live another 40-50 years, I’m not going to be miserable.” The same was true for me as is true for other PTSD survivors. For me, it was getting to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Many of the people I have helped have come to the same conclusion and became willing to take the road of recovery. Many had to get to an emotional bottom and a lot of suffering before the surrender flag was raised and real recovery began. There is a road. It is quite painful and bumpy at first, but there is a road!

Holidays also bring up memories of life before PTSD, when survivors had good holidays with family and friends and felt comfortable with socializing. Many PTSD survivors become hyper vigilant and easily aroused, with similar events bringing about thoughts of the past or even visual hallucinations related to the trauma. This is exemplified by one person with many losses who thought she was psychotic because she was seeing “spirits of deceased family members.” Yes, this could be psychosis, but it could also be intrusive images related to trauma.

The following are some real stories where identities have been protected and writer has been granted releases to share how choosing the road to recovery has helped them through another Christmas or Holiday season. The people I work with and the people I have helped have a common mission. That is “Getting out of oneself” and helping others. Practicing daily relaxation exercises, daily affirmations, and an emphasis on being safe. The people who are sharing part of their story believe their experience and how they are coping may be helpful to others. They also believe PTSD is at times a matter of life or death and what they share may prevent a suicide. Their experience demonstrates how they have each grown through therapy to enable them to have a little bit better holiday experience this year.

The first case is someone I have been working with for the last eight months. Since February of this year, she has tragically lost four significant people in her life due to accidents. Until recently, she has been numb to the pain. She is hyper vigilant, becomes startled very easily, and works from sun up to the time she goes to bed at night. She suffers from insomnia. I have worked with her on using relaxation techniques, but relaxing and shutting her mind down is extremely frightening for her.

Yesterday she told me she dreads the New Year because she is afraid she is now going to die and this will be her last New Year’s. The losses she experienced this year brought up trauma from long ago, when she was sexually assaulted and when her father was murdered. I reframed how she looks at relaxation and hypnosis. She has agreed to practice structured breathing exercises for relaxation. She is looking at this exercise as “training her mind to respond”. To help her through the holidays she is totally focusing on her grandchildren and ensuring they have a good Christmas. She was able to agree that by focusing on her grandkids, she doesn’t focus on herself and the hurt she continues to experience. Her positive self talk is helping her to believe she deserves to be happy. Yesterday she stated, “It’s time for me to surrender and learn how to live again.”

Bottom line is, she reached an emotional bottom that brought her to a fork in the road. Be it life or be it death! She chose life! The resistance to work on herself has lightened up and she has discovered that focusing on her grandchildren is getting her out of herself and helping her cope a little bit better with suffering from PTSD this holiday season.

Another person was in a “depressed spiral around the holidays.” She was deep in PTSD symptoms from early childhood abuse and from failed relationships which “tore her heart out.” Her PTSD became worse at Thanksgiving. Due to current financial trauma, she faced more losses: job, housing, and separation from her children. But this time she changed her attitude and actions. Packing to move, job hunting, and volunteering with her children’s school have all helped her to fill her time and her mind with positive activities. She has found a road out of trouble (PTSD) and is willing to take it! She has stepped back from her reactions into a new response. That has made all the difference in her life. From a new beginning, she has started down the right road. Her progress is not always continuous, but she is learning to turn toward her new responses and behaviors when she feels threatened by the past. She also listens to my hypnosis media on a daily basis. Her favorite is the one I did for insomnia. When she got to the point of no return and hit an emotional bottom, she began helping others and doing the work along the bumpy road to recovery. She turned her scares into stars!

My clients have told me that because I am a PTSD survivor and a psychotherapist I am more effective than other therapists they have tried. What I teach is to feel safe, help others, practice daily meditation or hypnosis, and always have a plan “B” escape route. For example, if you know you will be attending a holiday party where you could feel unsafe from PTSD stress, plan an alternate way to get home.

Happy Holidays to all! Most of importantly, be easy on yourself, be safe, try to help others, and have a plan “B”!

©Copyright 2009 by John Lee, LMHC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact John and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile