Comments on: A Triumph for Positive Reinforcement

By: Guy Ness

Guy Ness — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 03:40:35 +0000

Anything in excess is not good. That is why we need to balance things. While Positive Reinforcement may produce good results, a good discipline or as others would call it “punishment” is necessary. Even the Bible talks about God disciplining those whom He loves. And that no discipline is pleasant at a time. We discipline our kids not to hurt them but to help them learn a valuable lesson. Let us teach our kids to do things right without expecting something in return. I agree with Lacey, Jon, Hannah, Brandi, and Jenna.

By: Denise

Denise — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:08:33 +0000

I wonder Hannah how you do that. Kids do know when they are up to no good. Sometimes a reward maybe a goal they need to work towards with a right attitude. I think it helps a lot to be able to understand this.

By: Betsy Davenport, PhD

Betsy Davenport, PhD — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:15:10 +0000

I did not mean to suggest that all children are uniformly cooperative just out of their basic goodness or something. I only meant to speak to the common idea that they NEED rewards and praise (even when they didn’t play so well in the soccer game — “Oh! You did so GREAT today!” like they don’t know how they did).

Another facet of this is that children and adults have very different values. I figure anytime a child does what we ask, s/he is doing us a favor. Reasons may be even less “favor”-able: they depend on us, we may have instilled fear in them, they want to stay in our good graces, they do like us, etcetera.

By: John

John — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:34:04 +0000

This was an interesting post. I think positive reinforcement has its place – and that is can be very useful. A lot of other things need to go into the mix too, like respect, values, and so forth. Positive reinforcement is helpful though with basic behaviors early on in a young persons life for sure!

By: Hannah

Hannah — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:00:59 +0000

Positive reinforcement does have its place but I think that for kids to come to expect rewards for good behavior is a bad idea. The reward should be that they are making a positive impact on the family, the classroom, the world, and no amount of candy or stickers can make up for that!

By: Brandi

Brandi — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 23:40:35 +0000

oh my goodness you’ve hit the nail on the head Jon! My dh has a bee on his bonnet about this subject. Children aren’t going to be handed a prize for every positive action they take when they step outside your door. Does it make sense to do that at home and give them false expectations of the world outside? Everything in moderation.

By: Jon

Jon — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 18:29:33 +0000

I totally agree with you Lacey. I think that when you raise your kids to be good people, that they need to show respect in the family unit and earn that from others, then you are teaching them about not only how to get along in the house but in the world in general. What better lesson could you give to your kids?

By: Yolanda

Yolanda — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 01:27:11 +0000

Changed days indeed! If I’d expected a reward for setting the table when I was young my dad would have beat me for having airs and graces and getting uppity LOL. You just did it and you didn’t dare grumble about chores. I don’t remember ever getting a thank you and I didn’t expect one either.

By: Lacey

Lacey — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 01:21:22 +0000

Betsy that was a very interesting comment.I feel that children need positive reinforcement to a certain degree. BUT they become like Pavlov’s dog, always waiting for the reward for their actions, if the parents offers that every single time the child does something vaguely right. Having a loving family should be reason enough to cooperate.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 11:01:20 +0000

There always needs to be a good balance of tricks when you are a parent. One fix is not going to be the answer for everyone.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 08:59:48 +0000

I am a parent of a very difficult 4 year old. Nothing seems to work with my daughter. We have tried every trick in the book but she is a very hard nut to crack. Sometimes we give in and sometimes we do use a reward system. When things get out of hand we have to use punishment. It is difficult for anyone to understand unless you stand in our shoes.

By: Betsy Davenport, PhD

Betsy Davenport, PhD — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:15:33 +0000

I hesitate to say that I find it disconcerting that so many think children need to be “trained” with rewards. The relationship between child and parent, and the natural desire for the child to take her/his place as a member of the family and wider world; both exert great energy toward the child’s developing cooperation.

It’s never been my practice to offer rewards — or punishments, of course — and to avoid it all is to also avoid a child growing up to depend on external factors for action, and to rely on the judgment of others for what is the right action.

To show genuine appreciation to a child for setting the table is not artificial, it is relational and the child is not objectified by things (rewards) being “done to” him/her.

By: Jerry Pen

Jerry Pen — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:18:43 +0000

ahh it makes me sick to think of how many parents use the old-school ways of punishment…and how many backwards professionals still encourage them to do so! i wish it was easier to educate the masses.