Comments on: How We Behave in Relationships Is Predicted by Who We Blame

By: Barry

Barry — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 11:09:21 +0000

No matter whether you are blaming yourself, your partner, or some other external factors, until you are ready to take responsibility for your own actions, then I have a feeling that you are not really ready for a grown up relationship. There are times in all of our lives when we choose to point the finger at someone else. But let’s be clear here- you can’t go around doing that all the time and at a certain time you just have to face it yourself and look for what your own role could have been,

By: marlon

marlon — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 23:30:34 +0000

Last time I checked no one wins when you go around playing the blame game

By: SoulRoll

SoulRoll — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 11:44:06 +0000

There are partners who view themselves as reasons for discord and not totally blame their spouses?? Because I have only met the opposite kind.

By: Lila

Lila — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 11:36:57 +0000

I was once in a relationship where my boyfriend refused to take any responsibility for any disagreement that we had, to him he was never the one who was wrong and was always the one quick to point the finger of blame toward me. I loved him, so I accepted that I was the blame for everything that was wrong in our relationship and came to feel that I was unworthy of being happy with him or with anyone else. That whole situation really did a number on my self esteem. I was once so strong but he tore me down little by little, all because I think that he was threatened by the fact that I was so strong and successful. If you had known me a year before being with him and a year after you would not have been thought that I was the same person. I came to accept that I was to blame for every single thing, which was the way he wanted it. It put me into a manner of submission that I have had to fight for a while now to get away from.

By: stewart

stewart — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 00:07:02 +0000

Look, when you go into a relationship with issues, then why do you think that this relationship won’t be loaded with issues too?
There are a lot of us who carry childhood memoroes and feelings with us far into our adult lives.
It’s easy for us to say that we need to move on, get over it, but many times we have been far too traimatized to do that.
Instead we continue the cycle and allow ourselves to be hurt time and again when we don’t have to be if we would just own the situation and work on getting right within ourselves.

By: Rochelle

Rochelle — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 20:10:09 +0000

Expectations are constantly being rearranged but I think if couples can sit down and identify the 3 most important ones that they consider firm, that will give the other person a clear guideline toward change or figure out if they can’t meet 1 or all 3.

I think it does feel different if the discrepancy in expectations/hopes come from yourself or your partners. I suspect that if a person is more inclined to take on more responsibility or blame the degree of response will be different as compared to someone who is less likely to take on responsibilities.

It would be nice to see more research in this area and come to a point of less discrepancy!

By: Gregory.M

Gregory.M — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 16:39:08 +0000

Well I can imagine how the different causes for dissatisfaction can bring about different feelings.

I would definitely have different feelings if I though I was not up to the mark compared to if I thought my partner does not meet my expectations.

But honestly,it is always best to have lower expectations so that you are not disappointed and the overall satisfaction remains high.

By: andree west

andree west — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 11:07:11 +0000

The biggest problem is that I think that most of us go into relationships with this idea of what we want it to be like, or what we want this person to be like, and then we get disappointed when things don’t go the way we think that they should. We set our own selves up for disappointment, so we have to do a little better job at being more realistic about what we expect or we will continue to be disappointed by these relationships that we rush into.