Bullying From the Other Side
November 19th, 2010
Parents are taught to look out for signs that their child is being bullied at school. But what happens if you discover that your child is the bully, not the victim? Your first instinct may be to deny the possibility, or to acknowledge it but blame external factors such as peer pressure or the media. These may have contributed, but they’re not the whole story. Bullying isn’t just a behavioral issue: it’s often an emotional and psychological issue as well. Often, kids who bully are reaching out for control by asserting power over kids perceived to “weaker” or “weirder” than them. This can be a reaction to previous bullying, low self-esteem, trouble in school or at home – any number of concerns. If you suspect your child is a bully, insist (and keep insisting) on behavior change, but meet their needs, also. Try and get them to open up about what’s bugging them, or take them to see a counselor. The tragedy of bullying is that it harms both the bully and the victim, so looking the other way will only harm your child more.
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Comments
It may be that something is wrong with the environment of the house that is making the child a bully and parents need to watch out for the signs and if at all they do get concrete news from the school or teachers they need to sit down with the kid and talk about it calmly and not just blow their top.
I would freak out if I find out that my kid is a bully.
It may b because of the negative things generally associated with being a bully but it sure feels like you have a criminal at your place to know your child is a bully.
I agree with Sid. I would be mortified to learn that my own child was victimizing another, especially if I had never thought that my child was capable of doing something like this. I know that every child is going to pick on someone else from time to time but if I learned that he was making another child feel helpless and worthless that would be such a letdown, not only in my child but also in my own parenting skills.
my little devil was a bully at school and when I first found out about it a year ago I was surprised and also found it a little funny. He is always the trouble maker at home and I had found out that he did the same at school.
anyhow we just sat down and spoke to him and mending him did not require too much of counseling or mentoring.
I would question myself as a parent if something like this happened with my child. After all the child only learns what he hears and sees and if something like this happens then there is something definitely wrong in the house.
You thought it was funny your son was a bully, larry? Good grief. And do you think the child or children your son bullied found it funny? Did his parents have a good belly laugh about it too? You should be ashamed of yourself for treating it so lightly. It’s adults like you that are the reason kids grow up to be bullies because they are taught it’s okay to “be a devil” and push people around. No big deal–that’s the lesson there.
I’m here to tell you it’s a very big deal. Lord help you when he grows up if he’s that out of hand already. One day that little devil will be a big thug if you’re not careful and don’t start taking aggressive behavior seriously. If he’s always a troublemaker at home he needs help.
While there are many of us who would be so upset that our child could be harming another at school I think that there are just as many others as has already been evidenced here of all places who seem to think that it is funny that their kids are taking on this kind of role. What in the world could possibly be funny about hurting someone else at any point in life whether you are at school or not. Although I suppose that you can kind of see where the kid is coming from if this is the kind of behavior and role modeling that he or she sees at home. When they receive the encouragement to do it then of course they are going to plant their feet and make a stand against someone else that they feel like they can overpower. And that is sad that the parents at home with the bully are ok with that.
Laughing at the fact that your child is a bully is not appropriate, but completely wigging out isn’t good either (although at least it’s understandable). Finding out your kid is a bully is an opportunity to be a good parent and do the right thing.
How can any parent with half a brain even think about looking the other way? I would NEVER have tolerated bullying from my child. I would make sure it stopped dead first and then have got him the help he needed if it transpired that I couldn’t get through to him myself. I’d do whatever it took to ensure it never happened again. I’m a good parent and I also know my limitations. If resolving the bullying problem was beyond me, I wouldn’t hesitate to call in professionals for counseling.
It horrifies me that parents, who should know better, let their kids continue to bully another child and turn a blind eye to it. That’s the same as condoning their actions. My father would have taken a belt to us if we’d done that. Of course I grew up in the days when parents could do that without worrying about the police getting called.
And amazingly you say that about calling the police like it’s a bad thing, Margaret. Hitting kids with a belt is called child abuse. It’s not a practice to get nostalgic about!
Bullying is often a sign of other serious antisocial violent behavior. Bullies are more likely to be underachievers in school, engage in criminal activities as adults, and become abusive spouses. Putting a stop to this early can prevent the potential violence he or she may partake in down the line.
Yeah Margaret, I grew up like that too. And it was called discipline. Remember that word. In a couple of years you’ll find it’s not in a dictionary anymore because it won’t exist.
Discipline doesn’t have to include physically hurting your child. The only two choices aren’t hit your kid with a belt or let them run free with no boundaries.
This is why bullying is so rife now! Parents don’t give a damn about what their kids do as long as they aren’t bugging them. They are spineless.
I beg your pardon, Ellie? I take exception to your comment. I care very much about what my children do and I certainly would never overlook any bad behavior, especially something as serious as bullying. My children have very clear boundaries laid down and with regards to bullying, it’s zero tolerance. I don’t accept it between siblings and I certainly wouldn’t with other people’s children. Spineless I am not!
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