Comments on: Overcoming Tough Problems with Kids: A Narrative Therapists’ Approach http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:10:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Craig http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-14539 Craig Wed, 14 Jan 2009 09:16:54 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-14539 Hi, My daughter has had peeing problems for a while now, still having daily 'accidents' at age 4. My biggest concern was the shame and embarrassment she was developing when being asked if she was wet. After reading your article (by coincidence, I subsribe to the blog) I immediately introduced to her the idea of 'sneaky pee', the naughty visitor who spoils her fun. She grabbed the concept straight away, telling me to tell her teacher so that her teacher would be angry at sneaky pee and not her. The peeing hasn't improved much, but I put this down to development.. I am just happy to see that she is less stressed about the ordeal and we are able to remove treats and blame it on sneaky pee - thus retaining behavioural reward strategies whilst also creating a narrative that eases her worries and prompts her to do better (rewards for catching sneaky pee). I also supported this with an animation, where she is able to hear the narrative repeated as a conversation between two bears. She asks for this often, perhaps to see me being reminded. I am also a practicing therapist (clinical psychologist), and plan on introducing these ideas to our local child referrals clinic. Thanks. Craig. UK. Hi,

My daughter has had peeing problems for a while now, still having daily ‘accidents’ at age 4. My biggest concern was the shame and embarrassment she was developing when being asked if she was wet. After reading your article (by coincidence, I subsribe to the blog) I immediately introduced to her the idea of ’sneaky pee’, the naughty visitor who spoils her fun. She grabbed the concept straight away, telling me to tell her teacher so that her teacher would be angry at sneaky pee and not her. The peeing hasn’t improved much, but I put this down to development.. I am just happy to see that she is less stressed about the ordeal and we are able to remove treats and blame it on sneaky pee – thus retaining behavioural reward strategies whilst also creating a narrative that eases her worries and prompts her to do better (rewards for catching sneaky pee).

I also supported this with an animation, where she is able to hear the narrative repeated as a conversation between two bears. She asks for this often, perhaps to see me being reminded.

I am also a practicing therapist (clinical psychologist), and plan on introducing these ideas to our local child referrals clinic. Thanks.

Craig.
UK.

]]> By: Peggy Gold http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-14203 Peggy Gold Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:20:25 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-14203 Robyn, The beauty of narrative practice is that kids feel respected and regarded as people who have knowledge, skills, and expertise to help themselves and turn their life around. Rarely do I find that people shut down, but sometimes in the beginning. Generally people figure out pretty quick that this approach is strength-based, non-blaming, and playful, and they open up pretty easily. Not always though - I've had whole sessions where my teenage client would only nod yes or shake no. But that was ok - we accomplished ALOT. I was undaunted by this way of functioning, respected her way of responding to me, and we went from there. I think that helps people know that there's not a right or wrong way to be in counseling...we really meet people where they're at, and even if it feels a bit "slower" paced, huge things happen that people can really take hold of in life. I wish you luck with your son. I worked with a mom and son last year in a VERY similar predicament. It went very well. I would meet with one of them every other week - both needed support and to find their own voice and comfort. Best, Peggy Robyn,
The beauty of narrative practice is that kids feel respected and regarded as people who have knowledge, skills, and expertise to help themselves and turn their life around. Rarely do I find that people shut down, but sometimes in the beginning. Generally people figure out pretty quick that this approach is strength-based, non-blaming, and playful, and they open up pretty easily. Not always though – I’ve had whole sessions where my teenage client would only nod yes or shake no. But that was ok – we accomplished ALOT. I was undaunted by this way of functioning, respected her way of responding to me, and we went from there. I think that helps people know that there’s not a right or wrong way to be in counseling…we really meet people where they’re at, and even if it feels a bit “slower” paced, huge things happen that people can really take hold of in life. I wish you luck with your son. I worked with a mom and son last year in a VERY similar predicament. It went very well. I would meet with one of them every other week – both needed support and to find their own voice and comfort.

Best,
Peggy

]]> By: Megan http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-14189 Megan Mon, 29 Dec 2008 12:42:05 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-14189 My son and daughter dont like me asking them ever about their friends. I still do but I do it gently and when we sit down together for a chat as a family. Its very difficult to be patient but we have to. My son and daughter dont like me asking them ever about their friends. I still do but I do it gently and when we sit down together for a chat as a family. Its very difficult to be patient but we have to.

]]> By: Jenna http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-14187 Jenna Mon, 29 Dec 2008 12:22:20 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-14187 I tried NT with my teen and her failing grades. It worked and thank you for this lovely article. :) I tried NT with my teen and her failing grades. It worked and thank you for this lovely article. :)

]]> By: Robyn http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-14061 Robyn Wed, 24 Dec 2008 14:31:56 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-14061 I have a question about narrative therapy and teens. My son is ready to quit school, is using marijuana, and is overall defying my every ground rule for living at home. How did we get to this place in our lives? His dad and I are divorced (I know your aha! meter is going off with that one) but we have always tried to remain cordial and do things with the best interests of our son in mind. Now I feel like such a failure because I have completely lost control of the situation and feel like I am getting no help from his father. I really do not know what to do at this point to make things ok. Could narrative therapy work in this case or does my son (and me!) need something more intensive? We have tried working with a counselor in the past but when we go he just seems to shut down and we get absolutely nothing accomplished. I have a question about narrative therapy and teens. My son is ready to quit school, is using marijuana, and is overall defying my every ground rule for living at home. How did we get to this place in our lives? His dad and I are divorced (I know your aha! meter is going off with that one) but we have always tried to remain cordial and do things with the best interests of our son in mind. Now I feel like such a failure because I have completely lost control of the situation and feel like I am getting no help from his father. I really do not know what to do at this point to make things ok. Could narrative therapy work in this case or does my son (and me!) need something more intensive? We have tried working with a counselor in the past but when we go he just seems to shut down and we get absolutely nothing accomplished.

]]> By: Peggy http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-14023 Peggy Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:31:27 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-14023 Does narrative therapy help in the case of children with dyslexia or those suffering from trauma related to child abuse? I have adopted a child who is nearly 7 years old and fits this description Does narrative therapy help in the case of children with dyslexia or those suffering from trauma related to child abuse? I have adopted a child who is nearly 7 years old and fits this description

]]> By: alyssa http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13859 alyssa Tue, 16 Dec 2008 13:27:00 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13859 I was the same way, Natasha. I always told my son that some of the things were wrong and not to do it again and would point my finger. I now realize that this just intimidates, if not, make the child rebel. This really was a good article and I think all of us parents try to be the best and discipline the best that we can. I was the same way, Natasha. I always told my son that some of the things were wrong and not to do it again and would point my finger. I now realize that this just intimidates, if not, make the child rebel. This really was a good article and I think all of us parents try to be the best and discipline the best that we can.

]]> By: Peggy Gold http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13857 Peggy Gold Tue, 16 Dec 2008 13:17:02 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13857 Natasha - I have to do the same with my daughter (in Kindergarten). I keep having to remember my own skills as a therapist (it's so hard when you're with family)!! Let me know how it turns out. Hannah - what the article doesn't capture all that well is the fluidity of sessions. It is really shaped by the kids and eventually provides beautiful opportunities for problem solving. But not until the problem has been fully externalized and the child and family have taken a stand against it. Certainly, sometimes kids need different things. Often I team up with DBT or CBT therapists and help the kids claim the skills they learn in these approaches. This has the ability to produce "staying power" quite effectively. Natasha – I have to do the same with my daughter (in Kindergarten). I keep having to remember my own skills as a therapist (it’s so hard when you’re with family)!! Let me know how it turns out.

Hannah – what the article doesn’t capture all that well is the fluidity of sessions. It is really shaped by the kids and eventually provides beautiful opportunities for problem solving. But not until the problem has been fully externalized and the child and family have taken a stand against it. Certainly, sometimes kids need different things. Often I team up with DBT or CBT therapists and help the kids claim the skills they learn in these approaches. This has the ability to produce “staying power” quite effectively.

]]> By: Amy http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13851 Amy Tue, 16 Dec 2008 13:08:54 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13851 I like that this narrative approach is something that can be worked on by a family together at home rather than always having to start with a therapist. Of course I know that there will be times when professional help is needed but I think that doing the narrative approach with your kids can be a great way to help resolve many of the everyday life problems that every family encounters at some point in time. I like that this narrative approach is something that can be worked on by a family together at home rather than always having to start with a therapist. Of course I know that there will be times when professional help is needed but I think that doing the narrative approach with your kids can be a great way to help resolve many of the everyday life problems that every family encounters at some point in time.

]]> By: Hannah http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13833 Hannah Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:27:22 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13833 What about the kids that this approach does not work for? What are the counseling solutions for them? What about the kids that this approach does not work for? What are the counseling solutions for them?

]]> By: Natasha http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13823 Natasha Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:08:31 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13823 I am so glad I read this article. My son in kindergarten is picking up irritating habits watching other children at school. I realise i was doing the wrong kind of parenting, making him feel bad about the dirty habits in order to stop it. It definitely didnt work as he is more resilient and defiant. I am going to try and get my emotions out of the way and approach the problem from a third person perspective. I am sure it will work this time. I am so glad I read this article. My son in kindergarten is picking up irritating habits watching other children at school. I realise i was doing the wrong kind of parenting, making him feel bad about the dirty habits in order to stop it. It definitely didnt work as he is more resilient and defiant. I am going to try and get my emotions out of the way and approach the problem from a third person perspective. I am sure it will work this time.

]]> By: Steve H http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13803 Steve H Sat, 13 Dec 2008 21:41:21 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13803 I thoroughly enjoyed this article. It should be a must read for all parents! I thoroughly enjoyed this article. It should be a must read for all parents!

]]> By: Kendall http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13787 Kendall Fri, 12 Dec 2008 12:48:16 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13787 Peggy, This just goes to show all of us that kids DO remember what we teach them, especially at a younger age. I thoroughly enjoyed this article. It's an eye opener. Peggy, This just goes to show all of us that kids DO remember what we teach them, especially at a younger age. I thoroughly enjoyed this article. It’s an eye opener.

]]> By: Peggy Gold http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13783 Peggy Gold Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:35:54 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13783 I'm glad this article is making the impression I'd hoped it would. I love being able to promote mastery instead of shaming. It's so easy for all of us to shame. I was giggling yesterday because my daughter is now 5 1/2 and she ran off and yelled - "I gotta poopy - I'm not going to let it sneak!!" It remains to be a source of pride and self-control for her. I’m glad this article is making the impression I’d hoped it would. I love being able to promote mastery instead of shaming. It’s so easy for all of us to shame.

I was giggling yesterday because my daughter is now 5 1/2 and she ran off and yelled – “I gotta poopy – I’m not going to let it sneak!!” It remains to be a source of pride and self-control for her.

]]> By: Oliver http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13775 Oliver Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:59:15 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13775 Sounds like this could be a very important piece of the therapy puzzle for kids of all ages. I know that sometimes we are tempted to try to shame a child into improving behavior, such as telling them that only babies wet the bed. But it should be obvious to everyone by now that this kind of talk will never be useful. Giving them an active role in naming and fighting back against the problem, like seen here with the Sneaky Poopy story, will give them a feeling of having more control over the situation and giving them something to feel good about when they master it. Sounds like this could be a very important piece of the therapy puzzle for kids of all ages. I know that sometimes we are tempted to try to shame a child into improving behavior, such as telling them that only babies wet the bed. But it should be obvious to everyone by now that this kind of talk will never be useful. Giving them an active role in naming and fighting back against the problem, like seen here with the Sneaky Poopy story, will give them a feeling of having more control over the situation and giving them something to feel good about when they master it.

]]> By: Tarra http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13767 Tarra Thu, 11 Dec 2008 11:56:03 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13767 This was such an interesting article. I enjoyed hearing how you handled the poopy pants with your daughter. That was brilliant. We all can learn from this article and use it in our everyday lives. This was such an interesting article. I enjoyed hearing how you handled the poopy pants with your daughter. That was brilliant. We all can learn from this article and use it in our everyday lives.

]]> By: Tudy http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narrative-therapy/comment-page-1/#comment-13765 Tudy Thu, 11 Dec 2008 11:54:53 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=1225#comment-13765 I really enjoyed this article and it sheds some light on how to handle certain situations. Thank you very much for sharing this. It is a true wealth of info you have here. I really enjoyed this article and it sheds some light on how to handle certain situations. Thank you very much for sharing this. It is a true wealth of info you have here.

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