Comments on: Marriage – The Impact of Resentment on Relationships

By: Kristin

Kristin — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 21:35:22 +0000

This is a fantastic account of the impact of resentment on relationships. It is intuitive for us to avoid conflict, to try to “forgive and forget” and to “go with the flow” in order to dodge the discomfort of arguments and out of concern for our relationship. In some cases, there are issues that are not meant to be let go without a resolution, because rather than the problem going away, it just eats away at your relationship. You explained this fabulously!

By: Crystal

Crystal — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:20:19 +0000

What an excellent article. I recognize my own relationship here. Having worried for months I finally brought up an issue that was met only with defensiveness so I was never able to put it aside. Now I sometimes wonder if I’m still in love with my partner but really I think it’s just that I haven’t been able to leave this resentment behind because we haven’t been able to have an honest conversation about it.

By: ramona covrig,

ramona covrig, — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:53:07 +0000

Adler said one time that there is no behavior without a purpose conscience or unconscience and I said that we always receive in life what we want/need even we don’t know that this is what we want or need. People leave things unfinished because can be a purpose there. Imagine 1 young couple starting a marriage. They both have under the bad (on there side) each, a big eampty box. And when they don’t want to argue or don’t feel safe and decided do not start to discuss, they put the complain under the bad in the box ( each in his box). when one partner will want to leave the house, he/she will show the box full of complaines and frustrations – this will be his explanation- thinking that he is entitle to leave the house because he/she is no longer in love. But she/he in fact was the one who start to sabotage his marriage keeping his frustrations ,,under the bad in the big box”. Probably the unconscious purpose is to always have an ,,open dor” or a ,,window” to leave the relationship telling/thinking your self that is not your fault but your partner fault. ,,-what can i do, i am no longer in love”. ramona covrig, psychotherapist

By: Sean

Sean — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:09:29 +0000

How does one work things out when all you hear is you will never change? Trying to make things work out is more difficult than leaving things the way it is. People never want to accept that the other person is trying to change. Change doesnt happen in an instant or everytime. It is a slow, gradual, conscious process. Sometimes old habits die hard but reminding oneself of wanting to change helps with that. Still convincing people is an awful job. Especially if that person happens to be your spouse.

By: Gloria

Gloria — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 11:58:16 +0000

There is no doubt about it. The longer we let emotions and unresolved issues simmer beneath the surface the more of a hit that our marriages are going to take. I know that when I am mad I keep things inside and then sometimes it feels like the longer I stew about something the bigger and worse the stuation becomes.

By: Faye

Faye — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:00:18 +0000

Jeff I hear ya loud and clear! There is no harder job than being a good spouse! That does not mean in terms of keeping the house clean and other things like this, but being able to invest the time that marriages need to thrive and to continue to build on that over the years. Without that work and foundation resentment is bound to come into play and then you have nothing to fall back on.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 21:41:51 +0000

Right now I have a lot of built up resentment toward my husband and like this article says it has completely poisoned my relationship with him. There was a time in our lives when I could never have imagined living without him but now I have no way of even knowing how to live in the same house with him anymore. He lost his job and has become a totally different person than I once knew. I have tried to be supportive but when the bill collectors are calling on a daily basis and he acts like it does not even bother him at all, yeah, there is a lot of resentment that creeps in. Now I do not even know how to start settling these issues because there have been so many hurtful things that he has done that even when he does find work again it is not going to make all of the other go away.

By: Jeff Moore

Jeff Moore — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:07:39 +0000

Marriage is f—ing hard work!

By: douglas rilke

douglas rilke — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:05:10 +0000

your article was hard for me to read..it hurt….I could see clearly how i’ve let my resentment build and overflow. trying to communicate my needs just hasn;t worked.. i guess i need some help. going to a therapist just seems so serious..like I;d have to acknowlege how bad things are…it just so much easier to avoid it.