Is Problematic Sexual Behavior Really Addiction?
March 31st, 2008 |
by Rhoda J. Lipscomb, MSC, DAACS
Click here to contact Rhoda and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
Recently it has become more commonplace to have clients come into my office and state that they have a sex addiction. Often when asked how this was diagnosed they respond that their spouse or other family member told them or they read a book and self-diagnosed. Sometimes when examined more closely, the client does not have a sexual problem at all, just a higher than average sex drive well as living in a sex negative environment.
Many sexologists are beginning to speak out about the attitude that promotes the current level of misunderstanding about problematic sexual behavior. Many practitioners would condone a client who watched 3 hours of reality shows on prime time as normal, while someone who views an hour or two of porn on the internet as an addict. Could both people be spending their leisure time more productively? Absolutely, however if both are able to be productive in their jobs and relationships, then why would some view the latter as problematic?
No one denies that sex, like many other things, can become compulsive, problematic behavior. As some would say, sex is like Jell-O in the refrigerator, it takes on the flavor of whatever you put with it. Sex can be sacred, loving, kind, healing and fun if that is the focus. It can also be hurtful, coercive, demeaning, or wounding.
There are several problems with the diagnosis of sexual addiction. The first is that no such diagnosis appears anywhere in the commonly used diagnosis processes. When dealing with issues of chemical abuse, therapists do not use the word “addiction”, but rather “dependency”. In 1964, the World Health Organization declared the term “addiction” to be clinically invalid and recommended the term “dependence” which can exist in varying degrees of severity and does not rely on the disease model of sick or well.
Another problem is that those from the addiction model view point have rather unclear definitions even within their diagnosing methods. Dr. Patrick Carnes who is the founder of the sex addiction movement has a questionnaire frequently used to determine if one is a “sex addict”. It asks questions such as “Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?” and “Do you feel that your sexual behavior is not normal?” These types of questions do not take into account that healthy sexual expression encompasses a wide range of forms, functions and frequency. Sexual behavior, thoughts, and feelings exist on a continuum rather than a definite point.
Part of the reason that the sexual addiction movement is so popular is that it takes away personal responsibility for sexual choices. A person can blame their addiction for their behavior instead of having to face themselves. Our sexuality is not always pretty, perfect, or easy to understand. The lack of proper sex education or ability to discuss sexual issues openly feeds the shame and public ignorance about sexuality. This makes it easy to spread dangerous lies about sex and allows people to continue to harbor ignorance about issues such as masturbation even though no medical society in the world has ever proven that masturbation is harmful.
Human sexuality is complex and requires being comfortable with uncertainty. Those in the sex addiction field would like people to fear their sexuality, be powerless over it, and lack the tools to understand how to deal with any compulsive or destructive behaviors. Treating clients with problematic sexual behaviors requires an understanding of human behavior, the wide range of healthy sexual expression, and a belief that people are strong enough to handle the complex issues of their own sexuality, for better or worse.
©Copyright 2008 by Rhoda J. Lipscomb, MSC, DAACS. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Rhoda and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
9 comments so far
If it is not affecting their everyday lives then what is the big deal? So someone may have a greater sex drive than whta others deem normal. What is wrong with that? It is only when it begins affecting interactions with others and their daily routines should this be referred to as problematic.
I agree with you runninfast! I sometimes think everyone wants to be diagnosed with a disorder these days just to have a medical excuse to explain away their quirks.
I honestly think you are a little off base. This is an actual problem that many people do suffer from. I know that it may be easy for some to make jokes about the subject but there are some whose lives are turned upside down by this behavior and they could be at risk of not only endangering their own lives with unhealthy sexual appetites and behaviors, but also that of spouses and family. And who wants to tell the world that they have a sex addiction? I think those who suffer with this are very unlikely to seek help for this and that therapists who deal with these issues should be commended for helping those who often have no voice.
I found the article both accurate and insightful, especially since “addiction” is so commonly a cover for or justification of behaviors peoploe don’t want to take responsibility for. That is, after all, the reason why peoploe who believe they are “powerless” relapse into destructive behaviors far more often than those who believe in self-efficacy. Additionally, it’s hardly possible to classify sexual behavior in anything but subjective terms – with the public terms usually being generated by the most repressed individuals.
Experience suggests that people are just as anxious to sign up for “sexual addiction” and they are for other supposed addictions, though in my practice it’s a “condition” that women cling to far more so than men, though that again fits well with gender based preferences for seeing oneself as an unresponsible victum rather than a responsible adult.
Are you saying that women tend to view themselves as “helpless” and as a “victim” of experiences more than men do? That this is their way of coping and dealing with behaviors that they perceive as wrong yet feel they have no control over?
I don’t like that at all! All that does is perpetuate the stereotype of females as victims and unable to control what is going on in their lives! We are stronger than that and deserve better!
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Great idea, but will this work over the long run?
The idea is to discuss the most important cornerstones, such as images, pornography, and masturbation. Through them we will try to study what this addiction – in which so many can be tied up, even suffer from it – is like, and what is the life like of a such person who fills his or her time with these things, thinks about them, and is directed by them. There is also a spiritual viewpoint to the same issue.
Imagination and daydreams are very ordinary for most people. It is certainly true that almost everyone has them, but a person addicted to sex is different in that they are in a main part in his or her life. It means that there will be fantasies and images connected to sex all the time, either old experiences or plans for the future. Sex addicts can think and dream about sex with persons they have met, with porn magazine lovers, or to look at films, which will lead to the same. They do not always even need pornographic material, but they can form these images in quite ordinary situations, in which other people do not see anything provocative. Very minor issues can spike their imagination, often leading to masturbation. In addition, the sexual interest of some people can be directed only at certain parts of the body, such as breasts and legs, and these people especially dream of touching these parts. There are many variations.
Pornography, which is especially the problem of men, is the second main factor in the life of a sex addict. This can mean porn magazines, films or material on the Internet that is used to seek for satisfaction.
One problem with pornography is that it does not bring long-lasting satisfaction to us. These magazines or films kind of promise that you will find the erotic picture you have always been looking and longing for, but the satisfaction does not last for long. As time goes by, many may experience the same as alcoholics and drug addicts: they need more and more powerful stimulus to experience the same stimulation as before, because the amount of pleasure diminishes.
Also the man in the story before told how he got old magazines in order to get the same experiences as he had when he was younger. This proves how we can get used to things, and thus they will no longer feel the same. Instead, the tolerance and addiction can grow and grow, but we will feel more empty all the time. This happens with almost everything that we experience daily: we do not feel the same as before. Therefore, the sex of older people who have practiced it for decades, is usually not as passionate as when they were younger.