Help! My Brain is Betraying Me!: Intrusive Thoughts in Motherhood
Mandy nuzzled her 3 month old baby happily as she warmed his bottle. It felt so good to breathe in his sweet baby smell and touch his soft delicate skin, his little body curled in a warm embrace into the curve of her neck. Mandy was starting to feel like she had her “sea-legs’ as a new mom and was particularly enamored of the fact that her new baby was sleeping through the night. The rough night-time awakenings were beginning to subside as baby Noah matured and slept for longer periods. She was looking forward to meeting a new mom friend in the park with their babies after she gave Noah a bottle.
Suddenly, in the wink of an eye, the tender moment vanished. Mandy watched the water warm Noah’s bottle on the stove. She was blind-sided by a horrific thought, flashing through her mind of the water morphing into hot lava and scalding her baby boy. Mandy flinched, gasping and clenching tightly onto Noah, quickly backing away from the oven. The thought terrified her, and she could not believe such an image threatened to envelop her mind. Mandy’s entire body tensed as she began to pant, shallow breaths. She didn’t know it at the time, but, she was well on her way to her first panic attack after experiencing an intrusive thought…a hallmark symptom of perinatal depression and/or perinatal OCD.
Experiences like Mandy’s are common in some 20% of all child-bearing women who develop perinatal mood/anxiety disorders (the clinical term for depression/anxiety during pregnancy and up through the first year after having a baby). Some women develop symptoms of anxiety with intrusive thoughts while others may not experience these often debilitating and traumatic images. Others may have more depression symptoms with a smattering of anxiety, panic attacks, and sometimes intrusive thoughts.
PMADs (perinatal mood/anxiety disorders) are the clinical term for a myriad of symptoms under the umbrella of depression and anxiety from conception through the first year following childbirth. In layman’s terms, perinatal challenges/neurobiochemical imbalances while pregnant and after having a baby often leave women completely stunned, horrified, and traumatized…because women don’t know what hit them. And no one talks about it.
The reality is that PMADs are very common, and most likely under-reported due to the stigma connected to them. Mothers can be wracked with so much guilt about any of the symptoms, particularly if she has intrusive thoughts, that they are loathe to talk to a specialist to get help or to a family member. Many women report they feel like they are “going crazy” or afraid to be “like that woman on TV who killed her kids.”
I want to underscore the importance of supporting a woman who is experiencing intrusive thoughts to not delay in seeking help, to get help immediately with a trained specialist in perinatal challenges. The differential amongst these particular perinatal struggles is quite delicate. Furthermore, to receive the best care, she must have help from a skilled perinatal psychotherapist who can provide a comprehensive bio-psycho-social assessment and steer her in the appropriate direction for what is ideally a multidisciplinary approach to treatment.
This article is not intended to be a primer on the difference between perinatal intrusive thoughts and hallucinations since such is the subject of a workshop or conference. And, each set of circumstances requires a different course of treatment (both medically and in psychotherapy). Generally speaking, however, when a woman experiences intrusive thoughts, she is grounded in reality and horrified of the images that are occurring, feeling that her body is betraying her. She will often respond with disgust at the images and in turn demonstrate behaviors that lessen her anxiety and protect her baby (for example, Mandy avoided ovens for a time because such objects were a trigger for her). Intrusive thoughts can be part of perinatal depression and will remit with psychotherapy and in many cases, medication management (typically an SSRI), along with a good self-care plan and social supports in place. Hallucinations, on the other hand, are considered a medical emergency and potentially part of a more rare PMAD, perinatal bipolar disorder or psychosis. In such a case, the woman is not grounded in reality, and hallucinations can cause her to do or say things that she would not normally do and have the potential to be life-threatening to her or the baby. If you suspect that you or a loved one are experiencing hallucinations, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately. Do not attempt to diagnose.
Fortunately for Mandy, she realized something was amiss in her brain biochemistry and immediately sought help with a trained perinatal psychotherapist. Upon consulting with a psychiatrist specializing in reproductive mental health, she agreed to try an antidepressant (Zoloft) to help her biochemistry restore itself. Mandy’s recovery was swift because she sought help immediately, she received support, non-judgment, validation, psycho-education, as well as cognitive behavioral strategies in psychotherapy to help her diminish the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. She worked with her therapist on a solid self-care plan and put in place the help of a doula (hired caregiver specifically for new parents). Mandy feels empowered now as a new mom, free of intrusive thoughts and filled with pride at the arrival of Noah in her life. She is now on to a full recovery, enjoying her 7 month old son. (Please note: swiftness of recovery times vary with each individual’s unique circumstances).
If you or someone you love appears to have intrusive thoughts after having a baby (or even while pregnant), do not attempt to diagnose her. Do find a trained perinatal specialist to help the woman you care about to get treatment. The good news is that PMADs are treatable and temporary, and with help, women recover fully.
Other useful resources:
- Postpartum Support International—www.postpartum.net – largest non-profit dedicated to PMAD awareness; vast clearinghouse of information on PMADs, down-loadable fact sheets, online support groups for moms and dads, chat with an expert, stellar bibliography of recommended books, latest research findings and trainings in the perinatal world; current legislation in support of PMAD awareness, destigmatization, and treatment; coordinator/volunteers link callers/e-mailers with trained professionals; warmline in English/Spanish
- Postpartum Progress—www.postpartumprogress.com – most widely read blog on perinatal challenges, by Katherine Stone; the reader can subscribe to a daily news feed and a daily affirmation of hope.
- Real Mom Experts – www.realmomexperts.com – website dedicated to supporting women with PMADs, written by perinatal psychotherapists; self-care techniques for moms
Great book on intrusive thoughts:
Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts: Breaking the Cycle of Unwanted Thoughts in Motherhood by Karen Kleiman and Amy Wenzel (2010). –excellent book for new moms dealing with PMADs, also for perinatal professionals