Interpersonal Neurobiology: Helping the Client Relax
December 22nd, 2009 |
By Christopher Diggins, MA, LMHC, Interpersonal Neurobiology Topic Expert Contributor
Click here to contact Christopher and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
The most important question concerning Psychotherapy is, “What has to happen in therapy for it to work, for it to be effective and really help the client?” The simple answer is “the client has to experience positive changes in the brain, in the neurological system”. When we are in distress, anxious, depressed, or just plain unhappy, our neurons are firing in a certain way. In “fight, flight or freeze” mode, the limbic brain is engaged, and the body is producing hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, in order to prepare the body to deal with the stressful situation. Sometimes we have these hormones pumping away for long periods of time and don’t stop even during sleep. Effective therapy helps the client reduce the arousal levels, and get to a place of relaxation where we are no longer reacting as if in danger. This means that cortisol and adrenaline have ceased or greatly diminished, and oxytocin and dopamine are being released into the body.
A therapist aware of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) would recognize the distress and resulting feelings and know how to help the client get to this more relaxed state. When oxytocin and dopamine are present the prefrontal cortex is involved and we are more aware and thinking clearly. In this composed frame of mind, the client is able to get a clear perspective of the situation and make sound, reasonable decisions about how to proceed, and actually does not need therapists advice or input.
The skilled IPNB therapist has the knowledge and ability to be in this relaxed state even when the client is in distress and therapists “mirror neurons” influence and lead the client to this more desirable state of mind.
Mirror neurons come into play from the very beginning when the client first hears about you from a friend or professional, hears your voice in a voice mail greeting, sees your website, or hears your live voice. So much happens here that can get the therapy off to a good start. If client senses confidence, kindness, and consideration, then this will provide comfort, relaxation, and hopefulness.
The client’s mirror neurons are sensitive to the therapist’s intentions and feelings. If the there is an attitude of respect, gentleness, confidence, directness, and responsiveness the client will tend to feel safe and more open emotionally. This emotional safety can be conveyed over the phone prior to first session and this allows for trust and hopefulness before even meeting. Of course, protective defenses are still in place and may hinder the opening up process and yet more revealing will occur if the client “knows” this is a safe emotional environment. This knowing at the deepest level, maybe for the first time, helps one feel kindness, appreciation, and caring and not be alone. What an impact!
Returning phone calls promptly is considerate, respectful, and often appreciated. Even if the person does not set an appointment, a pleasant conversation with this approach will benefit this inquiring person. Callers are relieved and relax when I treat them kindly and make every attempt to assist them even if I can’t personally serve them. I might give them a referral or place them on a waiting list. I always attempt to have them feel they are important and to make their search for a therapist as painless and as successful as possible. When a person is seeking counseling for oneself or a family member, the person is often desperate and at the mercy of the health-care system, an unfortunate position. So when the therapist is caring and genuinely attempting to help, the kindness has an impact on this person even if there is never contact again.
A phone conversation where an appointment is set-up may go like this, “I have just a little time right now and I would like for you to tell me as briefly and clearly as possible about your situation. I want to get a sense of you and see if I think it would be helpful for us to meet. And I think you will be able to tell if we might be a possible fit when we are done talking. Why don’t you start and tell me of your reasons for seeking counseling?… I think I now have a good sense of your situation and I would like to schedule a meeting unless you are unsure or if you have some questions for me. (Keep this conversation as brief as possible making responses and caring comments to her. And letting her know you hear her). I will see you on Monday at 2:00 PM. I appreciate your call and I have a good sense of your predicament. I have a sense of your situation and the hopelessness, distress, and despair you are feeling. Plus, I know that when we meet together we will be able to help you make the changes necessary to turn this around. This is a good start to our work. Take care”. Here there is appreciation, kindness, confidence and the client will likely be more relaxed and hopeful than before the call. Plus, she will look forward to getting started.
“Our kindness creates a field of power- a quality of genuine presence that grows from our intimacy with virtue. The more peaceful, cheerful, and generous we are, the more successful we are in attracting people to us…” (Sakyong Mipham p77)**. This caring and confident approach does so much to help the client relax. Not only does the client feel more hopeful but also looks forward to meeting the therapist and to getting started on beneficial emotional work. This kindness will touch the heart on a deep level and create emotional safety before even stepping into the office.
References:
* http://www.mindpowernews.com/MirrorNeurons.htm- on 10-31-2009
** Mipham, Sakyong, Ruling Your World, Morgan Road Books, NY,NY, 2005
©Copyright 2009 by Christopher Diggins, MA, LMHC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contactChristopher and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
Thanks for the article, Christopher. I feel kindness isn’t often expressed or felt these days often. It’s a reflection on our society that people have to consciously think about being kind rather than it coming naturally to the majority. You don’t even hear the word much anymore. A kind word or soothing tone can be so healing too.
In my experience, when you do attempt to be kind to another it can be met with suspicion more often than acceptance. People wonder what’s in it for you, as if you have to have a reason to be nice to them! I ignore that. I know my kindness will be accepted with good grace another day and that makes up for the awkward times when it’s not. Better to give and be rejected than not give of yourself at all. Nice article.
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” – Dalai Lama
Kindness is a viable option all the time and on every occasion. When you can’t see that, look harder.
Not everybody can calm down and help a person under stress to relax… I think in addition to the calming activity, you need to know a few more things to successfully help the person actually relax and calm down, and this is best done by a counselor.
Yes, Paige, the power of kindness is even magical and it can happen over the phone with a stranger, in therapy, with family, anywhere. Even if it seems like it is not having an impact or if it seems like it is rejected, it still is so significant.