Comments on: Flexible Use of Conflict Strategies May Escalate Anger

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 10:25:42 +0000

I hope that relationships that have been together for years have found that middle where they can meet and solve their problems. I know it’s not true in all cases, but therapy would help in this situation.

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 10:10:52 +0000

It’s hard to find what works or what is right when both parties do not want to give in. I found, in my case, that both people think they are right, and maybe they are in their own way or mind, but there needs to be some kind of in between where the two people can meet and understand where one is coming from. A lot of it, I think, is pride. We don’t want to be the one to give in, cave in,or whatever. We want to be the one in control.

By: Liza

Liza — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 18:50:45 +0000

To Sandra, I have read or learned somewhere that when two people get together and they are both the oldest in their families, then they will eventually butt heads. It seems like the younger will get along better with someone older because the youngest is used to being told what to do and listening to the older person.. I don’t know if this is true in all cases but it makes sense.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:44:08 +0000

I wonder if some of this is between two adults who are the oldest in the family. This can cause conflict due to they want or think they are always right and think they know best and both tend to be stubborn when giving in.

By: carson

carson — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:24:41 +0000

I think Kathleen has a good idea. I find myself tending to just be quiet and not say anything because i Know it will only make things worse. Although i have my opinion, this seems to work with me.

By: Sally

Sally — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:09:26 +0000

I can see both sides of the argument. I do know though that there are some people who do not respond well to change and therefore I can see how they would not do well with differing styles of conflict resolution. They may become confuused about the course that the resolution should take, leading to more frustration and anger in turn. One would hope that as an adult most would be able to maturely deal with this but there are some who just can’t. I do happen to think that in long relationships, ones that are healthy anyway, you will have discovered what works best and continue to do that when you get into fghts and disagreements. But when the old stops working it is nice to know that there can be other solutions, you just have to be willing to give them a try.

By: rebecca

rebecca — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 10:40:48 +0000

when I find myself getting mad at my spouse, I try not to use “You” such as You don’t get it, You are this or You are that… I find it best to calm down and say things such as ” I feel as if you’re not understanding where I am coming from” or ” I feel like a failure when you say things to me” It’s the idea on not just coming out blunt and pointing the finger and saying you, you ,you all the time.

By: Linda

Linda — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 10:38:10 +0000

I think when we use too many suggestions all at the same time, we become even angrier because it seems like we don’t get anywhere. I also think if the other person doesn’t want to cooperate because they are set in their ways, it is difficult to break thru that.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 09:48:40 +0000

I think every couple develops a pattern after a while in conflict when they are in a long courtship or in marriage. I think when the signs of trouble develop after a while its easy to spot those signs and avoid them as best as one can.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 09:04:54 +0000

The only thing that’s worked for me when I am in a conflict is shut up and move away. I dont think anything else works really. COnfronting the issues or the person while angry doesnt work for me at all.

By: Cole

Cole — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 19:26:15 +0000

I don’t know. . . sometimes it takes trial and error with a lot of different approaches to learn what is best going to work for you and your spouse resolving issues. It may even take different approaches depending on the fight and the situation. I think that going down useless roads could elevate the tension but trying something that you know could have positive benefits in the end is always worth a shot.

By: Graham

Graham — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:30:03 +0000

I can totally understand this. My sister and her husband have constant fights and he told me recently that he’s tried everything in a month. Ignoring her, shouting at her, walking out everything but there’s nothing that can stop that runaway train once its started.