When is it Emotional Abuse?
June 8th, 2010
By Susanne M. Dillmann, Psy.D., Post Traumatic Stress / Trauma Topic Expert Contributor
Click here to contact Susanne and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
Earlier this year, the French National Assembly passed a bill, which criminalizes psychological abuse within couples. Specifically, the bill makes any repetition of actions or words that could, “damage the victim’s life conditions, affect his/her right and his/her dignity, or damage his/her physical or mental health” punishable by imprisonment and a monetary fine.
While I do not know the motivating factors behind this bill, it is clear that this bill takes a clear stance against psychological/emotional abuse – undisputedly recognizing this mistreatment as the deleterious influence it truly is.
You might be wondering where the line between someone behaving in a mean spirited or hostile manner and someone behaving in a psychologically/emotionally abusive manner is; so, I’ve put together an analogy in order to clarify this dividing line.
Just as wind, rain and lichen (i.e. the elements) damage, break down and erode – essentially destroy – a rock so to do words and deeds of belittlement, berate-ment and votes of no confidence wear down a person’s sense of strength, agency, capability, deservingness and worth.
Sometimes the ‘elements’ are torrential but most of the time their presence and influence is subtle. Ever present but not ever noticed. Once again, the parallel holds. At times the emotional toxicity of another is bombastic and clearly identifiable as abuse. However, much of the time damage and wounds inflicted by another are gradual and almost below the radar. This toxicity is as damaging to the rock and to one’s personhood as gale force winds. However, often times the recipient of these emotional ‘elements’ is labeled as “too sensitive”, “over reactive” or worse.
In time corrosion will occur and one will become a weathered soul. How this is displayed varies from person to person. Some will retreat into a sort of depressive hibernation, others will become the powerless person they have been accused of being, and some will begin to check out from life – living in a fog like daze, while others will grow in anger and rage. Ultimately, the variations of how people respond to such corrosion are as endless as the number of people who experience such psychological/emotional toxicity.
But unlike inanimate entities, we of course are animate. We can and do become aware, we can and do choose to remove or emotionally move away from the source of the ‘elements’; thus allowing us to live and be creatures who grow, heal, change, move on, thrive and come to fruition.
Reclaiming one’s power is this process of growth, which is one of the noblest paths a person can pursue.
If you are struggling with emotional abuse, know that you can reach out to a trained professional, who can and will help you heal and grow.
©Copyright 2010 by Susanne M. Dillmann, Psy.D., therapist in Escondido, CA. All Rights Reserved.
-
Find the Right Therapist
-
8 Comments | Click here to leave a comment.
Comments
My brother often puts his wife through this kind of a torture and I have spoken to him about this.All of this was not taken very seriously by him until his wife actually decided to leave the house.He could not believe that she was ready to walk out on him.It was then that I, along with another brother of mine, stepped in to talk to them and took a promise from my brother that he would not abuse her emotionally in future.And thankfully the discussion helped and they are back together now:)
although it is a good step forward to have introduced this kind of a law,it is open to abuse by a few people because there are no clear guidelines as to what actually constitutes emotional abuse…they need to get some experts on board and discuss this and define as to what is emotional abuse.
in today’s society where physical abuse is seen as something criminal,it has become very common for a person to abuse his/her partner emotionally rather than in the physical manner.this is a good progressive ruling that will help keep a different kind of abusers under control.
men are often prejudiced to have been abusive in a relationship and most people almost take it for granted that if its a case of abuse,then the person who is wrong is the man and that he has abused the woman physically.This is nothing but prejudice and has done nothing but actually made men the victims.
There are plenty of cases wherein the man is emotionally abused by the woman and this is seen by most people as harmful complaining on part of the woman.They do not see how much impact this has on the man psychologically and mentally.I do not mean to be against women in general but would certainly like to see a law covering such issues in our own country.
When is it emotional abuse? When it dominates your every move and makes you mindful of everything that you do and makes you wonder if your behavior is going to cause someone else to mistreat you. It makes you think poorly of yourself and takes away every shred of self esteem that you may have had at one time. It makes you feel small and insubstantial. These are the results of someone that you “love” and that you think “loves” you back making you feel like you are worthless and that you have nothing on earth to offer to anyone. This is emotional abuse. Does not sound like a whole lot of fun huh?
I agree with what Wayne says here.For too long there has been a wrong perception in general that an abuser can only be a man and the victim is always the woman.This will all change with such progressive laws and more awareness on the issue of emotional abuse.
This is a fantastic article on so many levels; well written, but informational, providing one with the choice to hopefully take action. Very powerful! Thank you!
I know first hand about corrosion of a wind storm. Living numb is no way to live and EMDR was the “magic” that turned it around for me; curing my PTSD. (Although EMDR has mixed reviews, my therapist was highly skilled and I was lucky she used it properly and it’s also part of a cognitive therapy/ not used alone to treat). Anyway, if EMDR is used by someone skilled it is “magic” and helped me regain my life.
Thank you for your work!
Luanne Stevenson
My brother was actually a victim of emotional abuse at the hands of bullies in school. There was never any physical abuse but I can’t tell you how damaging this verbal and emotional abuse was to his psyche. I don’t know that laws like this will prevent every case of abuse but it may deter someone and that is the best we can hope for sometimes.
Leave a Reply
By commenting on this blog you acknowledge acceptance of this Blog's Terms and Conditions of Use.