A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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As a young child growing up in the hills of North Wales, Great Britain, my imagination assured me that the small, brown, dark circles dotted across the fields were truly doorways into other worlds. Skipping in circles, dancing to the harmony of the breeze caressing the trees, I was certain that, at any minute, I would be whisked away into the worlds in between this one, and the next. And, in between those worlds, I could find mystery and magic.

I held onto my belief in the world of fairies until I was about seven-years-old. My neighbor, innocently enough, burst my bubble of fantasy when he innocently told me that fairies weren’t real. Fairy rings didn’t exist. Though the Celtic folklore surrounding the land of fairies was generations old, the dark rings were, in fact, a unique moss that grew in circles amongst the green hills of Wales. I was crushed. The land in between worlds, the place that I believed I could travel to, became a cherished reminiscence. I grew up, and thought my imagination would forget about it.

It didn’t. Instead, I later realized that my childhood intuitions, ironically, actually echoed a Celtic Shamanic view of the world. I reclaimed it, and was inspired by my traditional heritage as a Welsh, Celtic woman. For, within the world of the ancient Celts, as in many cultures, the concept of there being “other worlds,” is not a foreign concept. In fact, for the Celtic Shaman, it is in the very travel between and in the Upper, Middle, and Lower Worlds where our healing work is done. Nevertheless, we must be willing to open the “door,” to journey between those worlds.

While the view of the present world as being that of several echoes a Celtic Shamanic view, you may not identify it as being pertinent, least of all to this paper, or you. Nevertheless, as you read this, my thought is that you can relate to it. For, perhaps there is a part of you that is stuck in or between one world, and the next. Perhaps you can relate to the Shaman who chooses to heal by walking between them.

The Wheel of Life

Consider your life as a journey, one that you are choosing to embark on. Now, imagine your life, and your time in it, as a circular wheel. As the wheel rolls forward, new experiences, lessons, meetings, even obstacles, appear, all to give you opportunities to realize your sense of wholeness, a senses of wholeness that you may have forgotten. Now, perhaps you can also find that as that wheel of life turns, there is at least one example of when you intended to leave a certain behavior, experience, or situation behind. Your intention was to arrive in that “other world,” the one that does not hold the struggle, pain, turmoil, or unhealthy energy. Your intention was to leave “that world behind you,” and move forward towards a healthier destination and ultimately, the life you sought to reach.

Nevertheless, as your life rolls forward, there are also moments when you were “really close to” getting there. But, you didn’t. You didn’t go towards that healthier world. Instead, something happened. The wheel of life rolled forward, and your intention derailed; it came off the track. You “were nearly there.” You were “almost” sober. You “nearly” went to therapy. You were “close” to leaving that relationship. You were “almost ready” to do what you said you would do.

Either way you describe it, what you were faced with was the world “in between,” a place where you were flanked by where you were coming from, and heading towards. The place in the middle. Certainly, we want to enter a world that holds a more spiritual union with who we are, underneath the pain. But, unfortunately, if we only focus on where we want to go and are leaving behind, we can be unconscious during the spaces in between. That is where the true healing work is. We have to lift the veil of illusion, separation, and distrust that keeps our true self, our true intention, from revealing itself.

Stuck In Between

For example, a friend of mine recently shared a very personal and heart wrenching story of a loved one who chose to end his life a short time ago. Challenged by the constant “back and forth” between the world he wanted, his sobriety, and the demons that haunted him, he became stuck “in between.” He got stuck in between the goal of his sobriety, and the life he wanted to leave behind. Relapse. Treatment. Twelve steps. Sobriety. Relapse. Treatment. Relapse. Even with the best of intentions, he struggled with the unfolding journey that must be taken, one that involved going towards the painful experiences that had contributed to his addiction. And the pain of that middle world, that place in between, became too much.

That journey between worlds for my friend’s loved one was risky, painful, and tumultuous. While he wanted to go forward and maintain his sobriety, for example, he had to truly face that underworld, that place where his demons were found. Certainly, while he honored and respected the two worlds, where he was coming from, and a life of sobriety, it became too painful to completely go towards what had hurt him. For, as you know, going down to those deep, dark places where the original pains, traumas, or challenges go underground, can feel hellish. Furthermore, our attachment to avoiding pain, avoiding what is demanding and arduous, often serves to keep us further from attaining what we want. Because, not traversing the land in between, and avoiding what’s underneath the suffering, ultimately leads to more uncertainty and anguish. And in the case of my friend’s love one, leads to wanting the pain to just stop, without being wholly processed.

For example, have you ever felt “stuck” in the past, or as if a part of you was still there? Many of my clients report that they do, especially as I work primarily with trauma. In fact, parts of them are “stuck” in between the world of the past, and now. They are stuck “in between” worlds. Their experiences remain unprocessed and fragmented. Furthermore, being stuck in between worlds contributes to their trauma symptoms and a pattern of vacillating between the past, and now. And, from the shamanic point of view, for example, the healing of these parts is achieved through a classic method of journeying to return, integrate, and process their fragmented aspects of self.

For you, perhaps the world “in between” shows up as the places that “always” contribute to you faltering, or tripping up. These are the issues that you “know you have to work on,” but don’t. These are the experiences, people, and feelings that, if the truth were told, you really don’t want to look at. It’s your underworld. And, perhaps the space between where you are coming from, and going to, is not always easily identified. Nevertheless, the dedication to reaching your goal also implies that you are still moving forward, still willing to do the work, whatever it takes. Yes, it is hard. But, even despite the obstacles, even despite the risks and pain, you are willing to arrive, even if it hurts as you journey there.

So, in addition to healing at a soul level, even though you want something, you also still have to be conscious of your thoughts, actions, and intentions in the here and now. The wanting, the desire, is not enough. It takes repeated and conscious action, being willing to go towards what hurt, to heal it, rather than move away from it, avoid it, or escape from it.

Yes, you will be constantly challenged. Yes, you will have to quiet your ego’s incessant questioning of how and when you will arrive. “No, kids, we aren’t “there” yet. We can’t stop. We just have to keep driving forward.” And while getting out of the car, and stopping the journey, may have been the choice that my friend’s loved one took, the pain was still there. It still waited. It waits in grief of those who knew and loved him. And if you are one of them, this article is for you.

©Copyright 2009 by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry.
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