Economic Crisis and The Family
February 24th, 2009 |
By Jason Wasser, LMFT
Click here to contact Jason and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
In the midst of a world economic crisis, millions of families will be challenged in ways that can cause significant negative effects to their lives. As a Marriage and Family Therapist here in South Florida, economic stress is one of the main reasons why a couple or family will initiate therapy with me. In fact, Viktor Gecas, professor of sociology and head of the Department of Sociology at Purdue University notes that “research shows that this kind of stress can lead to changes in family members and in family dynamics, such as husbands becoming irritable and wives becoming depressed, as well as more extreme problems such as mental health issues, alcoholism, drug abuse and family violence.”
How we learn to cope with this present situation is based on the resources that we have access to. Families that were already struggling before the present crisis may be hit the hardest. The friends and family members that they usually can count of in times of need may also be affected by their own economic woes.
On the other hand, when a crisis happens in ones life, we are often able to have a period of self-reflection. This ability to determine what are the most important aspects of our lives that need to be focused on right now can help us get organized and allow ourselves to set aside extra expenses that can be put on hold till the economy gets back on track. We can find a way to become more creative and resourceful in how we get things done in our day to day life.
According to Evergreen State College Professor Stephanie Coontz and CCF research intern Valerie Adrian, economically distressed parents are more likely to use harsher methods of disciplining their children. With unstable housing and the loss of neighborhood connections, they also are less likely to have the support of their social networks to engage in effective
parenting. Additionally, children living with economic uncertainty and stressed-out parents are more vulnerable to depression—and their expectations (and motivation) can become lower.
Children are the first to be able to spot changes in their parents behaviors. They may see you coming home from work or meetings upset or even notice that many of their favorite snacks for school are not getting refilled quite as fast. Either way, finding a way to express how you are presently about the situation can actually be a great way to increase open discussions about other subjects as well. Identifying feelings is helpful, but it is not enough.
Remember to give children the skills to deal with their own feelings by sharing how we cope and offering them specific tools that work for us. This may be the time where you start to notice changes in their own behaviors at home, at school and even with friends. By ensuring that you have open communication, you can help decrease the probability of any significant challenges.
In order to combat the parenting challenges that may arise, here are some suggestions:
• Stay positive.
• Spend more time at home with your children.
• Start a new hobby with the entire family, even one as simple as working on puzzles together.
• Prepare fresh, healthy meals.
• Learn to slow down and remember it may not be that important.
Using this time to take advantage of the resources available to your family will help get you on track for the long run during this hopefully short economic downturn.
©Copyright 2009 by Jason Wasser, LMFT All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Jason and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
16 comments so far
I know that my kids sense a change but they cannot figure out exactly what is going on. Both my husband and I are worried about losing our jobs and that is really taking a toll on all of us emotionally as well as financially. How do you even express these concerns to your kids in a way that they can relate to and understand? I do not want them to go around worrying about us all of the time but on the other hand I do feel as if I owe them some sort of explanation for the things that are going on. I do not want them to feel left out in any way.
It is very difficult and ego busting for an adult to talk their woes with their children. However, I found that even the most unreasonable child understands futility, helplessness and love. Best time to get all the love and support going. Children do understand even when they are unreasonable. Most of us dont have time for that quick chat over our cups of coffee as spouses. Talking it out helps positively vent feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness and it helps find solutions. Its never too late to find a friend in your family.
Easier said than done. Not everyone understands the way they should. My wife has closed her very successful business and I have the full pressure of taking care of our family financially. It is scary cos none of us know how long our jobs will last. I dont have time for quality time with the family as I have to juggle jobs 7 days a week to see that we can provide for our 3 children. We all intend to live life but the sad reality is that we are too busy trying to exist
When the going gets tough the tough get going. Tomorrow does dawn and that is what hope is all about. When in deep waters we look out for a dingy not a luxury liner.
I thank you all for commenting on the article. Although I am not a financial expert, I personally feel the effect of the financial situation on my own family. I have found by going through my budget ( and actually sticking to it) that I have eliminated multiple expenses that were above and beyond our needs that really if eliminated would not make a large dent in my quality of life.
One of the biggest strengths I have found, as mentioned in the article, is the strength of community. Many people chose to live in areas that offer them a glimpse of the ideal life that they always striven for. Tap into your community as one of your biggest resources for a shoulder to lean on.
If things become unmanageable or to overwhelming, find a good Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist ( MFTs) in your area to help you get unstuck as much as possible. Many MFTs are trained in brief therapy and their goal is to help you accomplish your initial challenge as soon as possible. Overall, their services can be more financially sound than a long term process of therapy.
There is an end to everything. However stuck in your rut you are, its important to know that the greatest financial problems will also pass away. Best thing is to do part time jobs and to find the time to increase your current skill set.
I have to say that this whole situation has left me feeling very down and depressed and I find myself turning to alcohol more and more often to kind of numb things a bit. I know this is not right but I am just being honest here. I live alone so I am really not hurting anyone but when you live in fear of losing your job and everything that you have it gets kinda scary sometimes. I just hope that things turn around for the better and soon because I have cut my budget from every angle and things continue to get worse. I am trying not to drink so much though because i know that this kind of coping mechanism is not the one that is really going to see me through til the end.
I hit my wife last night and this is the first time it’s happened. My kids were so shocked that they just ran up to their rooms. I lost my job last week and things have been so bad for the last 1 month. I feel like I am at the tip of a nervous breakdown. I never thought losing a job was a big deal last year but today I feel very small and insignificant. I hope we all see this through.
Lewis you and your family need help. This crisis is bringing so many people to their knees but think of the more lasting damage you will do by hitting your wife and scarring your young children. Please promise that you will seek help in this matter because a cycle of spousal abuse has already been started. There is hope here- things will get better but I know that this will take time. Seek the help that you and your family need to make it through these tough economic times before there is something lost that is more than a job.
Despondency, distress, dilemma, deep thought and a lot of things that dont help at all. I dont know about the rest of you guys but its been 3 months since I had a job and it almost feels like the end of the road for me.
Once again for those of you who are beyond the frustrated point, find resources in your community to turn to. Check with the local university to see if they offer community counseling programs through their graduate programs( many do at a substantial sliding scale) or contact your local city government to get numbers of other community agencies that can be a resource to you. There is no substitute for good, professional help at this point especially if you feel that you no longer know which way to turn!
I think we all see a lot of stress and troubles in this time and it is hard to sit down and talk to someone about them. We just over a terrible ice storm about a month ago where it tore down almost every electric pole and lines and where we had no electric, our food spoiled that we just bought, no lights, no washing machine and very little heat. We were like this way for a week and a half and it took a big toll on our whole family. We all gathered together at night and played board games, which brought our son out of his room away from his computer. I never want to go thru that again and realize that even the bad things that happen to us do pass and will get better.
Not to diminish in any way what you went through, you had to know that the effects of the ice storm were not going to last forever. Families going through unemployment and other situations related to this economic crisis really have no idea when it will end.
Toni, it’s very easy to fall into the alcohol and yes, it does seem to help temp, but that’s all it is and I am sure you realize that it really doesn’t fix anything, just temporarily. I too rely on alcohol at times to just make myself feel better and it does make it go away for the time, but then when you stop drinking, the problem is still there.
Things seem to be going downhills with so many factories where I live. layoffs, firing, downsizing, whatever you want to call it is affecting so many people and it seems we are trying to cope and do the best we know how in these rough times. it’s gotta get better.
I agree with Tracy in some parts… But even if it’s temporary, you still go thru hard times and stress and wishing and hoping for things to get better. Unemployment is very scary thing and even a part time job would help a little until a full time job became available. If I had to, I would take on two part time jobs, just to make ends meet til something better came along.