Does Anyone Else Around Here Know How to Change the Toilet Paper?
March 10th, 2008 |
by Pamela Simmons, LPC
Click here to contact Pamela and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
It happens every week. I walk into the bathroom. There is no toilet paper on the roller. The good news is there is a new roll of toilet paper sitting right on top of the roller! Does anyone else face this dilemma? At church last Sunday, among the four of us talking, three of us are the official and only changers of the toilet paper in the house. One woman said she walked into her daughters’ bathroom and found three rolls stacked on an empty roller. Changing the toilet paper is probably the easiest of household chores, so those of us allocated that responsibility should be relieved. Instead we are annoyed. Does no one else know how to do it? Is it too much to expect that one could put a new roll of toilet paper on the roller? It’s a brainless job.
For many a mom, taking care of the home is a form of loving our families and we find joy in it. BUT—are we creating monsters of the next generation who will enter marriages expecting Hilda Housekeeper to take care of everything? Are our children and husbands blind about all we do and then cannot function when we are gone? How do we handle this? This is more than toilet paper. The issue is not the tissue. This is about the balance of power and balance of managing a home. Many couple and family fights are about chores. How do we as families address the notion of community responsibility, roles and expectations? There is a way not to do it and a way to do.
What Not to Do:
•Keep changing the toilet paper and feel increasingly resentful.
•Criticize everyone in the house for being lazy.
•Whine that you are the only one who does anything.
•Refuse to provide toilet paper.
•Get fed up, and move out.
•Ruminate about the slugs you live with and rant and rave.
•Bore your friends about your lazy family.
•Refuse to have sex.
What to Do:
•Have a respectful conversation with your husband about your interest in balancing roles and responsibilities in your home.
•Make a list of everything each of you does to contribute, along with the time and energy it takes for each of you to do the task.
•Note the things you each enjoy doing and the things you hate or resent doing.
•List the tasks that children can do and later have a family meeting around the topic.
•Give playful reminders like wrapping the doorway with toilet paper.
•Realign tasks so each of you feels good about the balance—a win/win.
•Express appreciation weekly for the things you each do for the family.
•Evaluate weekly how you each feel about the task allocation noting resentments and overwhelm.
•Brainstorm alternatives when either feels resentment.
•Get help from a professional if resentment continues.
Living with others brings a myriad of issues to us and the holidays can accentuate tensions. The challenge is to use communication and negotiation to maintain balance, appreciation, and humor in the home. If something annoys us greatly, some of the annoyance may be the imbalance. If the irritation is a very high level it may be our own history—the story we tell ourselves about the problem. That part may require help. Otherwise, we talk about it. It is only toilet paper.
©Copyright 2008 by Pamela Simmons, LPC. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Pamela and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
6 comments so far
Amen! and Amen! Just when I think I’m the only one…
I am now a stay at home mom whose former life included being a therapist, which is why I read this blog. Who knew I was going to find such a timely entry today? I love staying home and taking care of my family, but I do find that I often feel I am the only one who cares about what I do. And, of course, I feel the whole issue exemplified is none other than the toilet paper roll. No one cares if it’s changed just as they don’t care if I folded ten loads of laundry AND put them away, cleaned the toilet bowl until it shines, or blew off the driveway so trash doesn’t get cleaned in the house. I’m kind of stuck there at the moment, so this list may indeed be just what I need-Lord knows I’ve tried almost everything on the top list to absolutely no avail!
I guess I can admit on some level that I understand this whole thing; but I have to confess that I don’t really “get it.” Maybe I get more out of work b/c people do appreciate what I do. But, “work” is called “work” for a reason. We all have to do work of some form whether we like it or not. So, why is it that housewives get away with doing all that moaning and groaning?
I’m not married yet, but I guess this is something I need to start thinking about if I ever do plan on being married. I grew up in a household where everyone just pitched in and did whatever needed to be done. So, I don’t think it’ll be a problem for me. I’ll just be sure to keep an eye on the toilet paper roll :)
Believe it or not, my wife actually left me for this sort of thing. So, as much as I didn’t want to admit or see it at the time, CHANGING THE TOILET PAPER ROLL IS VITAL TO ANY MARRIAGE!!
I have a pretty good household when it comes to this issue- my husband will definitely change the roll because Heaven forbid he end up in need while in the bathroom. On the other hand I work with all women in a small office and I think I have assumed the role as official toilet paper changer there. It is as if they never even see the empty roll on the spool. What is going on there? Are they protesting that they have to do it at home so much that they simply refuse to do it at work too?
Hmm seems that life isnt meant to be easy or at least that is what it seems as toilet roll changing must be a difficult job and so therefore i must be very intelligent to be able to do this job so easily and at regular intervals. Even my daughters havent figured out this one yet on how to do this job and as for my husband too hard for him and he works in the mental health area you would think they would have done a course on this by now. Oh hang on i work in education and i havent done a course on it either, oh ok i wont try to work it out as i am getting a headache from wondering about it all bye for now