Listening to Depression
September 10th, 2012
By Cynthia W. Lubow, MS, MFT, Depression Topic Expert Contributor
Sometimes depression is a message that is important to receive. The message is to pay attention to something that is not right for you. It may be that you are in a relationship, job, career, organization, church, community, identity, gender, living situation, or anything else that isn’t right for you.
So if you’re depressed and don’t know why, talking about it in therapy could help you understand. But it’s also helpful to be able to listen to depression yourself. It’s like listening to your body tell you you’re hungry, sleepy, thirsty, sick…and need food, sleep, water, rest. If we don’t listen and respond in a nurturing way to these messages, we can feel very uncomfortable, damage our bodies, or even die. Ignoring depression can have serious consequences. If what’s causing it doesn’t change, and we ignore how we feel, it will probably get worse. Like other physical needs, ignored depression can cause misery, poor health, poor self-care (no exercise, unhealthy food, not enough food, not enough water, drugs and alcohol, etc.), and death.
So if you’re depressed and you don’t know why, try taking an inventory. First take some time to think and write and maybe talk to people who will listen. Ask yourself when you started feeling depressed and what was happening around that time. Here are some other useful questions to think, write, and/or talk about:
Am I doing what is easy, fun, and brings me joy?
Do I expect life to be about suffering?
Am I afraid to be happier than my parents?
Am I taking responsibility for anything that really isn’t my responsibility?
Do I enjoy the money I have?
What is my biggest burden?
When have I felt light and free? How can I re-create that?
What would I do differently if I knew I only had a year to live?
What would I say/write to people in my life if I didn’t care what their reaction would be?
If I had a magic wish, what would it be?
If I were happy now, what would I lose, or what bad thing would happen?
How am I giving too much—more than I really have to give emotionally, no matter how much I wish I could give it and not hurt myself in the process?
How am I getting in my own way, saying mean things to myself, or holding myself back from what I really want or who I really am?
If I had unlimited money, what would I do starting today?
What people or animals have left a hole in my heart?
What is my guiding principle for my life? What do I want to do while I’m alive?
Am I doing what I’m really good at?
If I could live anywhere in the world, where would I live?
If someone I totally trusted and believed told me life is only about playing, having fun, and being loving and compassionate with myself and others, what would I do differently?
What influence does shame and self-attack have on my life?
What’s really most important to me? Would everyone around me guess correctly my answer to this question?
What do I really, really, really want? What’s the first step I can do today to get it?
What if I could let go of anything I want to let go of—what would it be?
When we search deeply inside for brutally honest answers, we often can dig ourselves out from the hole of depression. When we really know the truth about what we feel, want, need, dream about, value, need a boundary around—we can begin to make decisions toward emotional health and away from the direction that is weighing us down.
So what is your truth?
© Copyright 2012 by Cynthia W. Lubow, MS, MFT, therapist in El Cerrito, CA. All Rights Reserved.
Read More
Hidden Depression Among Us
When Someone Really Listens, We Heal
Part I: Making Friends with Feelings-
Find the Right Therapist
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9 Comments | Click here to leave a comment.
Comments
although I am by no means depressed or have such thoughts some of these questions stumped me.It took time to answer and some even got no answer because well I could not think of one.I think this just shows its never perfect even if we think there’s nothing wrong.but that’s fine I think, as long as it is not weighing us down!
This whole person inventory that you suggest really does take a lot of thinking and soul searching. I am not sure how many of us can ever get to a point where we are okay with learning the answers to many of these questions that we could have been runnning away from for a very long time
I think I didn’t make it clear that you don’t need to expect to answer all of the questions–just find the ones that are helpful to you to answer. They are hard questions, but they can transform the way you feel if you find the right ones for you at the right time.
a lot of times just listening to your body and your self can help you diagnose and rectify anything that might be holding you back..problem is many times most of us are just too busy to listen to this voice from our body or our self and some other times we just do not recognize it..its not about reacting only when there is an obvious problem,but also about staying alert for any warning from within the system.
Oh yeah, Cynthis, I know you didn’t mean to look for an answer to all, because that would be exhausting!
I just know that for me, and I fully admit that I have issues that I run from rather than confront, even just a few of these would be hard given that I spend most of my time trying to bury my head in the sand!
I know it’s not the healthiest thing to do, but I know I am scared. At least I know that, right?
I in n o way meant to demean the list, just that I know for me addressing any one of these can be hard.
Listening to depression and its symptoms is good no doubt.But there are some people who hear too much,if you know what I’m sayin.They are ‘depressed’ for every little thing and any bump in life,bumps that we all encounter,is a major thing to them and they harm themselves due to this because after that bump it can take them days and even weeks to return to normalcy.
Are these people just overdoing what is suggested here or is a completely different negative technique(if it is one) that they are using?I see people like this every once in a while and it just depresses me (pun intended).
Listening to ourselves can be kind of scary. . . but there is nothing else in the world that can tell us more about what is going on with us. And if you fail to listen to those little warnings, then how are you ever going to be able to move past the hurt and get to a healthier place in life?
It’s scary- it is for all of us. But if I don’t pay attention to the warning signs then there is no one else who is going to be there to do that for me. I should be my own best listener, and if I refuse to be that for myself, then I have no one else to blam when my world comes crashing down.
Much of our happiness in life is derived from how we feel about life. I like the question that asks what we expect out of life. Is it pain or happiness? I am such a firm believer that if you feel that life should be about finding the things that make you happy then this is the path that you will choose to take. If you are more pessimistic and expect to be disappointed at every turn, then there is a very good chance that this is what you will come upon all along your life journey. I think that it is far more rewarding to look for the good in life instead of seeking out the bad.
Hello, Depression…yes not nice. I have depression in my family, my mother and two sisters. words cannot explain what my family has had to endure with what they have had to live with and what self harm they have brought upon themselves through this cruel stage. I have also had to keep myself out of this pit of darkness and it hasn’t been easy. I have done extensive research on this for years and have come to the conclusion that it all stems back to your environment and the conditioning of humans in society. I am now studying Anthropology and Sociology and it has opened my mind to how controlled we all are from the day we are born… “this is not a natural way of life”… no wonder we have so much mental illness in the world, people are so suppressed from this conditioning that they lose site of who they really are ??? Hence, depression is born… somethings gotta give.
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