I am so very sorry to hear of what you have been through. I am going to provide some information here, and it is my hope that you will seek help as soon as possible. It may feel like your situation is hopeless, but with the right help and support, you can get out of this situation and create a better life for yourself.
Reaching out for help can be difficult, but you have already taken the first step, which tells me you are ready. There are people out there who can help you. If you are at any time feeling suicidal, please make that call for help; know that your life can get better and you deserve that chance. If you feel you are in danger of hurting yourself or others or are feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, you can speak with a counselor at the following number: 1-800-SUICIDE. To learn more about this resource, visit this page of our website: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html
The first thing you need to do is establish a safety plan to get out of the unsafe and abusive situation you are in. There are several options you have in terms of getting connected with the right community services.
You can contact your local police department and let them know your circumstances, and they can connect you with a local domestic violence shelter or a domestic violence counselor who can guide you toward proper safety planning. They can also provide you with community resources for counseling, housing, and other resources through Medicare or other government funding.
In some states (depending on where you are located), you can dial 211 from a landline to connect with a hotline staffed by people who can point you in the right direction of where to get help.
Here are also some websites and phone numbers that you can use to find appropriate services in your area:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Staffed 24 hours a day by trained counselors who can provide crisis assistance and information about shelters, legal advocacy, health care centers, and counseling.
Women coming out of abusive situations often struggle with feelings of low self-esteem, self-blame, and self-loathing. It’s important to focus on building yourself back up and to regain your sense of worth and identity outside of this abusive relationship. You do not deserve, nor do you cause, his behavior, and it is not up to you to fix him. You need to get out and take care of and heal yourself.
It is important that once you establish safety, you get help and support for yourself through on-going counseling and support groups. Expect that it is going to take some time to heal, but you can do it!
I wish you all the best.