How to Help Your Child Deal With Bullies

November 30th, 2011
By Jeffrey S. Gallup, MA, LPC, Child & Adolescent Issues Topic Expert Contributor

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How do we equip our children with the skills to deal with bullies and the people who are going to try and make their lives difficult? Victims of bullying feel hurt, alone, scared, fearful, depressed, and they become desperate for help. Often, children end up in counseling because they have been bullied and they finally react with their own aggression or demand help; as adults, we can intervene sooner.

Remember that bullying can happen anywhere; not just at school, but also on sports teams, at work, at friends’ houses, or at day care. If you suspect that your child is being bullied, there are several behavioral warning signs to look for in your child, including:

• Acts withdrawn
• Has unexplained injuries
• Clothing is torn
• Fears going to school
• Has trouble sleeping
• Mood changes
• Stops talking about school
• Finds excuses to miss school
• Has new friends
• Displays aggressive behavior at home, or at school (Sometimes if your child is being bullied, he or she will take it out on a sibling.)

Ask your child if they are being bullied, and take it seriously when they talk to you. It can be difficult for a child to be open and honest with adults about being bullied. They may fear that by talking they will invite more problems onto themselves. Avoid minimizing their problems. The “toughen up” approach does not help, as often, when a child is being picked on, it is by a group of children. As adults, we have a hard enough time confronting a group of people, people. Imagine what it must be like for a child to have to do so.

Often, bullies keep picking on the same kid, because they enjoy getting a reaction from that child and it makes the bully feel good. By teaching our children to ignore those barbs and jabs, and then to avoid the tormentor, it can take the bully’s fun away, and without fun, they are not likely to keep bullying. This is a hard skill for children to learn and apply well. Keep giving them encouragement consistently, and constantly congratulate them each time they are successful in ignoring the bully.

Helping your youngster to make a group of friends and to learn social skills can reduce their likelihood of being picked on. Bullies can be daunted by a group of kids who will not allow the bully to hurt one of the group. Teach your child to help stick up for her friends and they will find that their friends will stick up for them. Dealing with bullies is never easy, and it can be very hard for someone to step up and say something to a teacher, adult, or directly to the bully when they see someone else being picked on. Reinforce and commend your child for standing up and saying something or for getting involved.

Be an advocate. Often, the sheer number of concerns that they must deal with every day overwhelms teachers, schools, coaches, and other parents. They may not be aware that your child is being bullied. When your child tells you that they are being picked on, get details and specifics – who, what, when, and how. Then inform the teachers, principal, coach, or other responsible adults, and pass along as much information as you can so that they can start to address the problem. You can even ask your child’s teacher to teach all of the students to stand up for each other, creating safety in numbers. In this way, no single child is left to stand up to the bully on its own.

Know your children’s friends and who your children are involved with. A new aspect of bullying is cyber-bullying. This has taken on a much larger role, as kids are savvy with the Internet and social networks. Monitor your child’s Facebook and other social network accounts; what is posted online becomes permanent. If you notice bullying online, record as many of the details as possible so that you can inform the school, the bully’s parents, or the police. Teach your child not to post too much information online, and show them how to stay safe when they get onto the Internet.

Bullying makes childhood and adolescence so much harder. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is just not true. Almost every adult can remember a time in their life when someone said something mean, hurtful, or nasty about them or to them. We can be observant for children who appear to be victims of bullying and help or teach them new ways that they can cope with bullies.

Related Articles:
When Girls are Bullies
How to Respond to Bullying
Sibling Abuse – Children Abusing Other Children

© Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The preceding article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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