Comments on: Couples, Trust, and Cyberspace

By: joshy

joshy — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 19:28:22 +0000

Man I would be so peeved if I knew I was being spied on like this!
If there is something that I think you need to know then I’ll tell you.
And if you don’t trust me enough to believe that, then it’s gonna be your loss cause I would be out the door.

By: Vickie

Vickie — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:02:57 +0000

If I have been driven to this level of snooping on my husband then obviously there are some issues there that he and I need to address together. That bond of trust has been broken from the minute that I suspect that there is something amiss and rather than ask him about it I decide to tap into his private calls and such and try to figure it out on my own. Maybe if we spent more time using the things that we know for good instead of something like snooping around then maybe more marriages would hold together for a lot longer than what they do now! If I need to know something I am going to ask and I would hope that he would do the same for me instead of trying to see if something is going on behind his back.

By: Geroge M

Geroge M — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:24:40 +0000

technology can aid a cheating partner no doubt. But it can also help the other partner catch the cheating. Think about it. technology can work for both good and bad. What we choose to do with it is depends on us.

By: easton

easton — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 11:31:57 +0000

when this is what you resort to, sneaking around or sneaking, there are issues in your life that go much deeper than the apparent sneaking around. You must have been hurt before, otherwise this would not be something that you would necessarily feel the need to do. These kinds of acts are the actions of someone who is insecure about something in their lives.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 23:09:57 +0000

The bad thing about snooping though is that you could come across something that is totally innocent, and you could take it totally out of context!

So maybe your husband and friend are planning a surprise party for you? Or maybe your husband just sneaks a little look at online porn every now and then?

What’s going to happen when you confront him with all of this and you end up feeling ashamed because most of what you were assuming to be true isn’t at all?

By: Greg

Greg — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:57:52 +0000

It is not entirely the fault of the snooping partner. That cannot be generalized. If I see my partner’s phone unlocked in the bed when she’s busy bathing, I would not look into it if we share a healthy relationship with openness between us and no trust issues in the relationship. But if I felt like she was lying to me or hiding things and was trying to manipulate about her whereabouts then I would be tempted to look into the phone. the problem may lie in the relationship and not in an individual only.

By: jane

jane — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 22:44:53 +0000

completely agree with your suggestion of talking about it.having been through 14 years of marriage,i can say with certainty that talking about things is the best way to resolve an issue and it is often the only way to discuss things without starting off an argument.

i do understand that there could be people out there who have trouble talking about things that may be a little controversial but trust me-it is the safest and best way to go about things and there’s nothing to lose if you maintain respect for each other and be civil during the discussion.

By: Hope

Hope — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 20:52:12 +0000

My sister in law caught her now ex husband cheating on her because she became suspicious and began scrolling through his cell phone. She came across multiple received and dialed calls that was actually the number of that of a good friend of hers, and guesss what? They were having an affair! So say what you will, but in this case she caught that cheater red handed!

By: ALEX

ALEX — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 20:07:02 +0000

I have trust issues.I cannot trust my partner easily.And it has lead too the ending of a few relationships in the past.

But the reason for me to have this issue if I think about is not my parents or issues in childhood but a former girlfriend.We were in college and things were smooth.We were serious about each other but then she ended up cheating in me and I guess I never let that get out of my mind, always kept it in there.As a result now I have troubling trusting anybody I am seeing and it leads to a lot of trouble.I do not know what to do.

Not snooping is not easy to accomplish.how do I just stop myself from doing it?

By: stressmom

stressmom — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 11:12:28 +0000

There is never a time when spying on your wife or husband is okay. But you do have to admit that there are so many more temptations today than there once were, so it is normal to sometimes wonder if your spouse could be straying without you ever knowing.
There is phone sex, email, cyber porn, all of these things that could hurt a marriage and I guess if you are inclined to cheat than the world we live in today makes that a pretty easy thing to do.

I would hope, however, to have a relationship that did not force me to snoop around in this way, because that would just feel so seedy and low. I want tobe with someone who, if I had suspicions about, I could go to him and just ask. As long as you are prepared for what the reaction you would get, then I think that that is a far more adult and responsible way to behave than continuously having to go behind someone and check the web browser.

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 22:14:13 +0000

Norm J, you have issues!
If I was your wife and found out that you were checking up behind me like that, then I would be furious!
I don’t know if that kind of breach of trust would be something that could be repaired. If you feel that distrustful of your wife, don’t you think that it wuld be better to talk to her about your concerns instead of sneaking around like some low class private investigator?
And honestly if this is the kind of stuff that you have pulle all the time simce the two of you have been together, it would not be surprising at all if she was seeking a little solace elsewhere.
You would completely creep me out!

By: Norm J

Norm J — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 18:07:24 +0000

I am that guy who checks up on everything that my wife does. She has never given me a reason not to trust her, but there is always something there nagging at me that I don’t know the whole truth or that she is always holding something back from me. I really don’t know why that distrust is there and I don’t think that she even sense that I feel that way. But I know her passwords to facebook and voicemail and I check those, even her personal email. She would be furious with me if she knew but it is like a compulsion, I can’t help myself. I feel like it is spinning out of control and I know that one day I will be careless and then she will know, but I can’t stop it. I don’t know what I would actually do if I ever did find out anything incriminating, I am not sure that I would survive that. So I keep tell myself to stop it, but I can’t let it go.