Retail Therapy: How Compulsive Shopping Helps Heal

July 2nd, 2010
By Angela R. Wurtzel, MA, MFT, Compulsive Spending / Shopping Topic Expert Contributor

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The idea of compulsive shopping being a “real” disorder has become more palatable recently since people are looking at their economic situations and trying to understand the dynamics behind credit card debt and over spending while at the same time people are “coming out” like Avis Cardella, author of the book Spent, where she depicts her life long addiction to shopping and spending. As compulsive spending is taken more seriously understanding it’s healing purposes will be an important part in aiding those who struggle with what has been coined satirically, “retail therapy.”

The therapeutic aspect of compulsive spending wears differently for each person. In trying to feed a hunger disease, understanding and knowing what the appetite is like will lead to adequate and sufficient satiation, so to speak. Most people sustain a nagging hunger pang somewhere deep inside and depending on personal history, struggles, and dynamics, the depth, severity and frequency of the hunger pangs surface. For some, compulsive shopping is the right food for the hunger.

In this section, I will discuss the soothing aspects of compulsive shopping.

Case 1: what I have in my closet means I matter

Emmy, a 32 year old professional woman, attends regular therapy to address issues that interfere with her interpersonal relationships. Emmy has long standing friendships, however, deep inside her she feels overwhelming hate for people in her life that have what she feels she deserves. This could be anything. Anything that anyone else has that Emmy does not have she feels hate, envy and an over pouring amount of entitlement for these “things”. Emmy reveals quite openly her shopping rituals where she will buy several of the same items and hoard them. Rarely does she wear them. Emmy knows that she has them, for instance, Joe’s Jeans, and that is what matters. She has Joe’s jeans which in her mind makes her something more than someone else. For Emmy, this is essential in being able to feel stable and all right in a very fragile and vulnerable inner world.

Case 2: managing anxiety through online shopping

Virginia, a 42 year old married and self employed woman, has been suffering anxiety attacks since her mother died 2 months ago. She had been in therapy for the past 8 years to address her personal growth and development professionally as well as to deepen her marital relationship. Virginia had overcome earlier bouts of over shopping by paying off all of her debt and stopping the use of credit cards while developing a budget and making more money. She has been stable for over 5 years. In the past few months she reports going online and shopping to minimize the intensity her panic attacks. Virginia states her panic attacks began after her mother died from a long bout with cancer just two months ago. Although she has been able to attend regular therapy and other grief related support groups, she still found her anxiety to be debilitating and terrifying. When she started shopping more consistently again she became aware of the calming and soothing effect shopping provided for her. Virginia says that she is not buying high priced items or using her credit card to cover her purchases so she is not out of control but rather more aware of her tendencies to shop more frequently to quell her anxiousness.

Case 3: the soothing nature of Nordstrom

Samantha, a 38 year old mother of a two year old girl, is married and recently settled in the United States from France. She has a history of severe trauma and loss. Samantha’s mother died when Samantha was a child and because of the nature of the death Samantha has suffered complicated grief and traumatization through out most of her life. She is educated, capable and responsible. When Samantha entered therapy to address her compulsive shopping she had no idea it was related to her trauma and loss. She reports ongoing thoughts and memories related to her mother’s death and to her own childhood and upbringing that overwhelm her. She wishes to not have these types of thoughts and goes shopping to distract herself. She will start to think that parts of herself are not good enough and that she is not well put together so shopping for new things will lead to an improvement. Once she finds herself shopping and ruminating over the negative thoughts about herself she no longer is thinking about her mother and associated memories. Samantha uses shopping to stop painful and troubling thoughts and memories.

Each of these cases describe situations and experiences that have led a person to use compulsive shopping as a means to soothe. In the next blog I will discuss the therapeutic interventions in helping clients like Emmy, Virginia, and Samantha.

 

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©Copyright 2010 by Angela R. Wurtzel, MA, MFT, therapist in Santa Barbara, CA. All Rights Reserved.

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