12 Tips for Clients Considering Therapy
September 17th, 2012
Contributed by GoodTherapy.org member Ryan Howes, Ph.D., ABPP
Therapists dedicate many years of education and countless hours in training to learn how therapy works. Clients have to learn from scratch and may become so frustrated with our odd language and customs that they leave before getting the help they need. Here are a few tips to help clients acclimate to the world of therapy.
Choose Wisely: Many studies show that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is the most important factor for successful therapy, but some people spend more time deliberating their morning coffee selection than choosing their therapist. Take the time to read about a few potential therapists (such as on GoodTherapy.org), looking for people who treat your particular issue and who have personal statements you can appreciate. Then “test drive” a few therapists to see who you feel the most comfortable opening up to. Don’t worry about the therapists you don’t choose; we just want you to find your best match.
Make It an Hour: A typical therapy hour is only 45 or 50 minutes. Show up 10 minutes early to relax and think about what you need from the session.
First Business: Address fees and scheduling questions at the beginning of the session. You can then devote the rest of your session to your issues without business hanging over your head.
Then Relationship: The quality of the relationship is essential, so this deserves special attention. If you didn’t understand something from last session, you’re feeling resentment, or if you’re thinking about ending therapy, it’s best to mention this at the beginning so you’ll have time to talk about it.
Food for Thought: What did I notice about myself this week? What do I want? How am I feeling? Sometimes people draw a blank in therapy. You can always come back to these three questions to find plenty of session-worthy material.
Just Ask: The enigmatic professional-yet-personal nature of therapy makes some clients reluctant to ask questions. Rather than spend energy trying to be polite, it’s best to just ask your questions to your therapist and let him respond or explain why he won’t.
Clarify Jargon: Some therapists have their own language and assume you’re fluent. If you find yourself lost in a sea of psychobabble (“your introjected self-object validates an undifferentiated attunement”), please ask her to translate. You don’t gain insight from language that makes no sense.
Give Feedback: Comment on your progress any time during your therapy. Do you feel safe in therapy? Is your therapist listening to you? Do you have an understanding of your issues and goals? What one thing would you change about therapy? You can evaluate your relationship at any time.
Advise Yourself: Some people believe therapy is a place where you are told how to live your life. More often, it’s a place where you clarify your thoughts and feelings, explore possibilities and outcomes, and ultimately make your own decisions. That’s empowerment.
Share Random Thoughts: Therapy is one place where you don’t need to censor yourself. In fact, some of the most enlightening material comes from the thoughts, memories, and feelings that arise in therapy—the ones you’d probably brush aside in any other conversation.
Accept Growing Pains: If you’re coming to therapy to change something in your life, be prepared for some discomfort. We say “Things get worse before they get better” because it’s often true—introspection isn’t easy. If you do feel like therapy is becoming too challenging, talk to your therapist about it and let her help you with it.
Plan A Good Ending: Therapy is one place in life where you can have a positive ending. Talk with your therapist about when you’ll be ready to end therapy and what that ending will look like. A thoughtful ending to your therapy can show you how to have satisfying closure in other areas of life.
Therapy is like a college course where the topic is you. The more you invest in understanding yourself and collaborating with the therapist, the more you’ll gain from the process. Enjoy!
Ryan Howes is the founder of The Psychotherapy Foundation, a not-for-profit organization dedicated to destigmatizing mental health and supporting underfunded mental health providers. GoodTherapy.org is proud to sponsor The Psychotherapy Foundation and commemorate the first annual National Psychotherapy Day on September 25, 2012. For more information on how to support The Psychotherapy Foundation and National Psychotherapy Day, please visit www.NationalPsychotherapyDay.com.
© Copyright 2012 by Ryan Howes, Ph.D., ABPP, therapist in Pasadena, CA. All Rights Reserved.
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12 Comments | Click here to leave a comment.
Comments
Planning for the end is an excellent idea!
This is the part of therapy that I have found sometimes goes unnoticed and not talked about, what does the end look like to you and how you will be able to maintain the momentum of your recovery once you no longer ahve the therapist on speed dial. A good therapist will allow for you to plan for that time and will even encourage you and help you develop the necessary recources so that you can cope with all of life’s little crazinesses once you have left therapy.
I have something to add as well-
I wish that more people would come into therapy with realistic expectations.
You will not change overnight,
Your situation will not change overnight.
this is something that will likely take much hard work and dedication.
I think that many times we get disappointed and give up far too soon because we think that the changes we need to make are taking too long.
We must remember that we have to give these things some time to heal.
Good tips for anyone planning to see a therapist. Just as with anything else, communication is of utmost importance. If you see the list of tips here, many of them involve communicating and clarifying things with your therapist. Having been to therapy before, I cannot stress the importance of communication enough. I had a great therapist who encouraged me to talk and communicate anything that I might have and it was a very good experience.
Another thing I would like to add is look for comfort levels with your therapist. You are more likely to talk honestly with and engage in useful conversations with someone you feel comfortable with compared to someone you feel like an authoritarian figure or are just not comfortable with. This can even make or break things for you.
I’ve been having trouble with the long work hours,the demands that a family brings and the need to have some me time.I spoke to a close friend about this and although he did listen to everything and made a few suggestions,I am now contemplating seeking the services of a professional.Would that be a good idea?I don’t really have anything in particular but its just the whole thing of being occupied with everything that is I think stressing me out.
These tips are good, especially for someone like me who has thought a lot about sitting down and talking with someone but not really knowing how to start the process. When I looked at the list I realized that I had considered a few of these questions but had never really given very much thought to what I wanted to achieve from the therapeutic relationship. I had thought about that very vaguely I suppose but never really about what I wanted and needed to happen. Thank you for pointing out that This is something that is very important and that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Great tips here! I am looking at going in for therapy and was looking for something like this. These tips are hard to come by from a friend or colleague because hey, how many people actually say they went to therapy and really not many people know these. Good to see that these are coming from a professional and am sure to apply these when i do start my therapy sessions. Kudos!
one thing many people go wrong with is that they will want solutions to all their life problems from the therapist ready made.its like they are paying for the therapy and expect a magic pill that solves their issues.they do not even fully put themselves into the middle of things and talk openly.they expect the therapist to do all the work.please be responsible and responsive when you go to a therapist,he is a professional who can handle such issues better than most people but not a magician!
I made the mistake once of going to a therapist just because it was a big name and I thought that if he was so well known theat I couldn’t go wrong. But we never did make that connection that I felt that I needed to be able to feel comfortable w ith him. I let the name and the prestige intimidate me too much so really all I got out of that experience was the opportunity to say that I talked to him a few times and gave him a little more money to pay his rent for the next few months. When I left that ‘relationship” I sought anoother lesser known therapist with a smaller office and fee, and he helped me far more in just a few visits than I think I would have ever accomplished with the first guy. Funny how we let the words of others lead us one way when clearly it is not the right path for us.
agreed with hart here.i have had a similar experience and its never necessary that a therapist is right for you just because he is famous or was good for your friend.each person’s need and way of connection is different and although the therapist in front of you may be great at what he does,he may just not be right for you!
What if I am scared? How do I know that this person that I am sitting down with isn’t just laughing their tail off at the things that I am saying?
LaShun – if they’re laughing their tail off, they’re in the wrong profession. You’d soon find they aren’t helpful and quit. Fortunately, the chances of someone spending time and money to train to become a therapist just so they can laugh at people are slim.
But if you’re scared, and most clients are in their first session, it often helps to talk about it. That’s some of the best therapy, really, discussing your thoughts and feelings as you have them. Any therapist worth their salt would hear you without judgment and try to help you understand or cope with the anxiety.
I had my first therapy session this week and these tips seem very helpful. I was super nervous when I got there but I relayed my hesitant feelings to my therapist and she understood and made me feel at ease. I completely agree with the statement that you MUST openly communicate with your therapist, otherwise it will just get you nowhere. Even though it brought up some sensitive, uncomfortable topics- you have to remember that the only way they can help you is if you are honest with the way you are feeling and what you’re going through. Thank you for this great list of tips! I’m going to write about each of my sessions and what I learned/gained from them and what my goals are….
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