Defining the Role of the Nonoffending Parent in Childhood Abuse Is Difficult
The process of trauma recovery includes developing a narrative to one’s history, compartmentalizing who is accountable for what, and integrating old material into a new paradigm. Intrafamilial abuse, particularly child abuse, is often layered and complex. The locus of the early stages of the work tends to be the perpetrator of physical, sexual, or emotional injury; however, throughout the progression those who failed to protect slowly come into focus. Survivors express uncertainty around the parent who did not harm them but did not protect them either. As therapists, our energy is directed towards... Read More
While spring conjures up beautiful images of tulips, crocuses, and daffodils, it is also a yearly reminder to clean one's abode. Historically, when people turned to herbs for most of their medicinal needs, spring was associated with rejuvenating the liver by taking the milk thistle for a couple of weeks, or simply adding dandelion greens to a daily salad. Psychologically, it is an opportunity to do an interior sweep of one's cranium. I'm talking about all those repetitive thoughts that create feelings and catalyze behaviors, some desirable, and some not so welcome.
If you feel stagnant from... 
Saturday April 28th was my 11th Ocha Birthday. That is to say it was the anniversary of my initiation as a Yoruba/Lucumi Priest of Obatala (April 28, 2001). To me, it’s as important a date as my natal birthday. Traditionally, to mark the anniversary, we purchase food and cook for the Orishas (the divinities we worship), read each Orisha we have with Obi (4 quarters of coconut), and generally strive to have a peaceful and meditative day. Sometimes, if possible, we open our homes to other Orisha Priests to come and salute our Orishas and to offer their blessings. Since I was in a somewhat isolated... 
When I am asked about anxiety and where it comes from, I remind people that it is so important to look into one's past to see how past events can play a role as well. Things that may have happened years before can definitely lead to present (and future) issues, as well as leave us to doubt our ability at times ( a la "will I truly be able to manage these new tasks at work," or "will people really be there for me as my relationships have not gone the way I have wanted. I'm not so sure"). This uncertainty can create a great deal of anxiety and doubt.
Psychologist Charles Bentley eloquently describes... 
Many people agree that women have come a long way in regard to equal rights. Some even argue that women are completely equal to men and deny that sexism still exists. Others are appalled at the current state of attack on women’s rights. Whatever your opinion is on the current situation with equality among men and women and the concept of feminism, there is a specific type of therapy that still exists today called feminist therapy. With advances in equal rights, experts weigh in on the need for feminist therapy today.
Depending on who you ask, feminist therapy can be defined in slightly different... 
While vacationing in Rincon, a beautiful beach town in Puerto Rico, I fell into a seven-foot hole. There were no streetlights in the tiny village and I was out in the dark night… The fall, the pain, and being stuck in a remote place traumatized me; I was left in a cast for 7 months with a severely shattered heel. Having no choice in the matter, the time I spent recovering left me feeling trapped in my body. But, eventually, I began to listen to what it was saying.
Previously, I wrote about my challenge with cancer and how the experience of a healer aligning my energy helped me transform what... 
This article is the second installment in a two-part series. To read the first article, please click 
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”
-Dalai Lama
In life we encounter many different experiences. Some are joyful and uplifting, and others are painful and challenging. When we encounter joy, there is a yearning to have it last forever, but when there’s pain our first reaction is to avoid, ignore, or push it away. When we react to joy or pain with any form of resistance (i.e., clinging to joy, avoiding, pushing away, or ignoring pain) we suffer. What helps us walk through our suffering and the suffering of others is to become aware... 
Growing up with feelings that your peers don’t like you or don’t accept you into their group can have lifelong negative effects. While we have fortunately become more aware of the dangerous effects of bullying on children, we often do not pay enough attention to more subtle forms of bullying that affect the development of self-worth, self–esteem, and self-confidence. Many adults continue to think of themselves as if they were still the 12 or 13 year old who sat alone in the lunchroom, who was whispered about as fat, or who never was invited to parties. It takes work to change this negative... 
Beauty Is Embarrassing. This is the title of a film I saw recently at the Cleveland International Film Festival. The subject of the film is an artist, Wayne White, whose message is stay true to yourself, no matter how hard that is, stay true to yourself and your passion. All will fall into place. He suggests that our creative impulses will always lead us where we need to go.
The title of the film comes from White’s premise that when we see beauty, we often feel vulnerable, “Who am I to see this?” “Who am I to create this, what will others think?” A deep feeling wells up within us when... 
Anger in its various forms, shapes and guises is a doozy of an emotion. Few of us would count anger as a preferred, let alone favored, emotion. Yet for survivors of trauma it is a well known and sometimes frequently experienced emotion.
Before getting any further, a quick moment of clarification is necessary. The word anger encompasses many different experiences—from a quickly passing irritation to longer lasting indignation, to being irate, having resentment, harboring exasperation, or having hate. If you are interested in an in-depth discussion of the various forms of anger, I encourage... 
After 5 years of sobriety, in 1985, I began to notice a pattern in my sexual relationships: Even if I really liked someone, I couldn’t go more than 3 months before my attraction to them fizzled. I would then find some reason to end the relationship, although I never really understood why, and it made me feel bad. Thankfully, while I was leading a weekend retreat on Spirituality in Recovery, one participant pressed for bringing the subject of sex into the process.
Although I was unprepared, it gave me the opportunity to address the issue, and I shared my struggles with the group. When I asked... 
"I put this awesome status and then no one ever likes or comments on it!” “Everyone ignores me on Facebook. It’s like I’m invisible.” “I can’t believe he defriended me. This is the most humiliating thing ever.” Have you ever heard that in your work with teens? Or how about, “Every time I post something, somebody makes a comment that I know everyone else is laughing about.” Then, there’s the sometimes more disturbing case of Twitter, “Everyone retweets my stuff, people I don’t even know think I’m great!” “I have lots of followers, lots of guys who think I’m beautiful... 
Love is one of the most elemental of emotions—it is a building block to some of our deepest relationships and a component in many of our happiest days. Yet the ability to freely give and receive love is a fragile skill, which traumatic experiences can all too easily dent or damage. Learning how to be loved is a vital part of your healing, and here are a few tips on how to regain your ability to accept someone’s care, concern, and nurture.
The first set of tips have to do with the person who is expressing kindness, care, concern, nurture, attention, aka love to you. Because you have experienced... 
