By Cindy Ricardo, LMHC, CIRT, Self-Care Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Cindy and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Do you schedule time for yourself on the to do list?

Most people are familiar with making a to do list at the start of the day. Whether the list is in your head or written on a sheet a paper, it’s there and it can provoke anxiety and stress.

Here’s an example of a to do list. See if you can identify the missing element: Read the rest of this entry

By Dana Vince, LMHC, Infidelity Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Dana and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

One of the things I hear most from clients who have experienced infidelity is, “I never thought this would happen in our marriage.” It is not something any couple plans for or thinks will happen to them. But it can and does happen in marriage, but it can be avoided.

There are many reasons affairs happen, but typically it’s at the point when vulnerability meets opportunity. So first is to reduce vulnerability in your marriage. There are two major ways that I am going to talk about in this article. The first is taking care of your marriage, yourself and your spouse. The second is communication. If these two areas are prioritized in the marriage, you reduce your risk of infidelity. Read the rest of this entry

By Debbie Devine, Licensed Professional Counselor

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”Soften your eyes. Relax your face,” I instruct my clients when we are working on deep relaxation in session. And the change is immediate and visible as the lines of tension fall away and a peaceful expression steals over them. When conducting this exercise with a roomful of people, the whole mood of the group changes. You can almost see everyone’s blood pressure go down! For you see, no matter how skillful the face lift, how costly the wrinkle cream, nothing can erase the look of stress, anger, sadness or chronic anxiety from a face when the soul inside is tense and troubled.

Most of us have known people with all the right clothes, makeup, hair, etc. but when they opened their mouth, negativity and anger poured out. How does negativity detract from outer beauty? Bitterness, stress and unresolved hurt often manifest themselves in tense facial muscles especially around the lips and eyes. This leads to fine lines around the lips and wrinkles in the eye area. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Headline

A principle component of useful and sound health care, whether working with medicine or with psychotherapy, is that treatment should be voluntary. The choice to leave a hospital is ultimately up to the client, but health professionals may furnish a recommendation. Recently, the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality found that the rate of clients choosing to leave the hospital against the advice of their physician or other healthcare professional has steeply inclined in recent years. Experiencing a rise of almost forty percent, the rate suggests that hospital clients, among them those experiencing mental health difficulties or emergencies, should be given more thorough information and consultation.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Fort Lauderdale Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

A GoodTherapy.org News Headline

Taking a leisurely stroll at sunset or starting off the day with a brisk walk has often been hailed as a healthy and invigorating way to incorporate exercise into a healthy lifestyle. Increasingly, the benefits of walking and other forms of exercise are being recognized as useful components of the healing process in clients with feelings of depression. Suggesting that the adoption of an exercise regimen –even if it simply consist of enjoying some therapy sessions while taking a quick jaunt out of doors- can have a significant impact on recovery, especially in clients experiencing emotionally-related lethargy and other undesirable symptoms. The growing acknowledgment of these benefits may lead more mental health professionals to take their work on an amble.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Carlsbad Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

A GoodTherapy.org News Summary

The benefits of being outdoors have often been documented in terms of the healthy effects of sunlight. Despite concerns over too much sun exposure, a reasonable amount of regular sunshine can help boost Vitamin D levels and support a greater mental well-being, leading many mental health professionals to recommend that their clients enjoy more time outdoors. Adding a new dimension to this piece of advice recent research about the potential of soil elements to boost mood are breaking into the mainstream.

Based on original research that introduced cancer patients to a mycobacterium, a naturally occurring and harmless element present in many types of soil around the world. The participants subsequently reported feeling an overall boost in mood and outlook, a result that may not have been expected, but which has prompted a great body of research to date. As the facts and figures recorded in the lab continue to surface, ideas about the evolutionary role of dirt in human existence have sprung forth to support the notion that with our modern aversion to getting dirty and an increasing tendency to stay inside, our modern brain chemistry may be greatly skewed from that of our ancestors’. Read the rest of this entry

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Simi Valley Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Joanna Poppink, LMFT

Click here to contact Joanna and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

For the past two nights I’ve been watching Michael Jackson videos on youtube. Here are a few: Beat It, Billy Jean, Thriller, Michael Jackson & Brittany Spears live, From New York Times: great interactive timeline of Michael Jackson’s life.

I’ve always loved his music and his distinctive and electrifying dance moves. But I had never watched his career unfold chronologically before my eyes from first appearance as a dynamic little boy in the Jackson Five to the creative genius behind Thriller and beyond. His “We are the world” raised millions for starving children in Africa.

Yet at a low Michael was 91 pounds on a five 5′11″ frame. Michael Jackson may have been the ultimate “poor little rich boy.” Did he suffer from anorexia? Maybe. If he did, and I don’t know that he did, it gives me a way to think about his life as well as his death.

Anorexia is not a stand alone illness. It is accompanied by and causes many infirmities. In my opinion, the most troublesome is the thinking distortions that develop from brain cell starvation. This can make a person be powerfully resistant to effective treatment, reach unreasonable conclusions about life situations and create painful chaos in relationships. And, of course, starvation affects every organ in the body with catastrophic consequences. If Michael were anorexic he needed careful and nourishing refeeding.

But living in a more substantial body with more mind clarity would bring him into the reality of a world he could influence tremendously but couldn’t live in personally. Body nourishment, while critical, is only the beginning. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Judith Barr, MA, LMHC

Click here to contact Judith and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

We are going through a transformation . . . individually and globally. Many people are scared . . . they haven’t been taught about transformation. They haven’t been taught how to go through it.

Many people are afraid . . . so many things that are part of transformation
trigger feelings from long, long ago, trigger fear from long ago.
The triggering is a guide to the healing.
The feelings from earlier times are the guides to our healing and transforming –
if we learn how to discern them from here and now feelings;
if we learn how to utilize them safely and draw a boundary so we feel them
but don’t act out on them;
if we learn to build our capacity to feel them;
if we follow through and allow ourselves to go through the feelings at the heart
of the wound and out the other side.

Many people are afraid of change . . .
are afraid of the unknown . . .

But we have examples in nature that show us how. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Laughter has long been prescribed as a potent medicine, particularly when other treatments fall short of curing the blues. But the old adage, while perpetuated through the generations, is rarely taken very seriously. Recently, a Canadian film director unveiled a piece of documentary work aimed at doing exactly that; exploring the possibilities, both socially and scientifically, of using laughter as medicine. Director Albert Nerenberg presents his film, entitled Laughology, at the Hot Docs film festival taking place this week in Toronto.

The director describes his interest as stemming from a fascination with his infant daughters spontaneous laughter. As babies tend to develop this particular skill around the same stage in development, and the phenomenon is present even in those children with disabilities such as blindness or deafness, Nerenberg decided to explore the brain’s impetus for laughter, as well as the realm of possibilities in terms of treatment. Describing himself and his partner as being depressed upon the birth of their daughter, Nerenberg was intrigued by the child’s propensity for glee despite her parents’ gloominess. Taking their daughter to a group-session laughter-yoga course helped to amplify the positive effects both parents felt from the phenomenon –as well as the good cheer of other class participants, who found it difficult not to join in.

Laughology digs deep into the possibilities of laughter, from exercise and entertainment to the strictly neurological, following the progress of mental health professionals as they artificially stimulate laughter through interacting directly with the brain. Citing that laughing can ease anxiety and create a sense of well-being, not to mention its clearly contagious properties, Nerenberg is well on his way to showing the therapy community that laughter is the best medicine; may not just be an old and tired cliche.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Long Beach Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Jason Wasser, LMFT

Click here to contact Jason and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

A few weeks ago, I read that Warren Buffett, one of America’s most influential investors, likened this country’s escalating fiscal woes to “an economic Pearl Harbor”. In my practice, I find that my clients are handling the financial crisis in ways that they never thought they would. Some talked about screaming at their spouses and children, while others talked about drinking to take the edge off at the end of the day. But the majority talked about the depression they are trying to fight. Feeling stuck and overwhelmed, their resources seem limited given all that is going on in the world. And no one ever wants to feel like they are stuck where they don’t want to be. Doing something for themselves can sometimes seem out of the question.

A different Buffett, Jimmy, the musician and savvy businesman once mused, “if life gives you limes, make margaritas”. Inspired by the words of the Mayor of Margaritaville, today I did just that! A close friend of mine and I closed up shop and headed down for a daycation to the Florida Keys to enjoy the therapeutic healing of the water, sun, sand and good conversations with friendly locals. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Judith Barr, MA, LMHC

Click here to contact Judith and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Today I saw the movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was a deeply moving film. I recommend it highly. And I also wish for you that you allow it to open your heart to yourself and others in a new way.

Benjamin (as you can read anywhere on the internet - so I’m not giving anything away) is born old and gets younger and younger through his life and the movie. You journey with him as he goes through the pains and joys, sorrows and comforts of life.

Again, without giving the movie away, I want to offer what moved me most . . .
That we witness, in reverse, Benjamin’s experience in life as an old man, its effect on him as he goes through his life, and his experience in life as a baby.

One of my early teachers about therapy taught this in my very first class with him - If you haven’t worked through your dependency issues in your childhood, early adulthood, or midlife . . . when you reach your elder years, you will be faced with them all over again, without the benefit of having resolved them.

Think about this. Feel it. We face and meet many of the same experiences in our elder years as we do when we are infants, babies, and children. We are often, no matter how fiercely independent we have come to be, dependent in some way on others who take care of us to some degree. Even before our elder years.

If we had parents who didn’t need for someone to be dependent on them to satisfy their wounded selves - their need to be loved, their need to have power, their need to be needed . . .
If we had parents who were fine to have someone be dependent on them and felt honored to have the task to cherish and to nourish that dependent child into his or her own unique self, becoming all he or she could possibly be . . .Then we have probably lived the passage through the dependency issues already - perhaps with a loose thread here or there that needs to be tended to.

But truthfully, how many people grew up with parents that evolved? That conscious? That un-wounded? That healed? Read the rest of this entry

By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Click here to contact Lisa and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

From the time we are born, relationships are one of the most important things to all of us. Our behavior has the power to either bring people closer to us - or push them away. Consider for a moment the people in your life; your family, friends and intimate partnerships. What is the quality of relationship you have with them?

Are there people in your life who are behaving in a way towards you that causes distress, sadness, confusion or anger? Is there not a shred of evidence to support the possibility that they take responsibility for this and/or willing to make changes for the sake of the relationship? Ask yourself whether this works for you. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“You can outdistance that which is running after you, but you cannot outdistance that which is running inside you.” -African Proverb

My soul thirsted for down time, as if it was parched for the very fundamental nature of itself. Two weeks off from all that was my daily life and practice. Read. Write. Rest. Heal. Yet, as my soul and body thirsted for it, my ego struggled with the decision. My mind knew that I needed the time away to recover from a medical procedure. Not a big deal; it knew all of the valid reasons for it. I couldn’t imagine that my ego would argue with me. But, it did. And it yelled loudly.

The Hurricane

When is the last time that you focused on really, truly, not “doing” anything? My ego wanted me to stay busy, do usual activities, drive forward, and, ultimately, keep things the same. It was becoming agitated by the very stillness that the absence of those activities would create. Yet, my soul knew that the calmness was exactly what was necessary. And, by wanting to keep things the same, my ego wanted to distract me from whatever it was that I could not outdistance. Oscar Wilde once said, “Nothing is so aggravating than calmness.” For the first few days of my down time, I agreed with him. Read the rest of this entry

By Jeanine Austin, Ph.D.

Because most of us like to think of ourselves as nice, thoughtful and kind, saying no may be something that can be difficult for us. We all seek behavior that is consistent with our self concept. If we think that saying no makes us unloving and unaccommodating, therefore in conflict with our valued self image, we will struggle with saying no.

I recently saw the movie 10 Questions for the Dalai Lama. In the movie the Dalai Lama, the leader of the Buddhist religion, turned away interviewers who seemed disrespectful or disingenuous. This was a revelation for me. I was surprised somehow because I believed that he would most likely entertain anybody who asked. It was personally liberating to see that he didn’t suffer fools gladly. He quickly sent away those people he felt were wasting his time. In other words, he said no. Read the rest of this entry

Written by Jeffrey Chernin, Ph.D., LMFT

Click here to contact Jeffrey and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

When you’re in a vicious cycle, you do something which causes you to feel bad. Feeling bad can lead to poor self-care, which can lead to wanting to get away from the bad feelings that result, which can cause you to do things that make you feel worse, and so on. This cycle lead to an ongoing chain of unhealthy choices and behaviors.

How do you overcome this type of ingrained pattern? The Adaptive Spiral, an idea which developed organically through my practice, is a new way for you to think about growth, especially in regard to overcoming a vicious cycle.

The chain starts when certain “coping strategies” (actions and perceptions) that got you through the minefields of childhood are left unchecked. These strategies go from being adaptive in childhood to maladaptive as an adult, often locking you into unsatisfying relationships and frustrating patterns. Let’s turn to elements of the spiral and see how each one can help you to overcome old patterns.

Elements of the Adaptive Spiral

Growth along the spiral includes visiting the same places but at deeper levels of awareness, new types of understanding, and different perspectives. Since growth doesn’t exist in a straight line, it also includes steps forward as well as back.

The seven elements of the adaptive spiral are: Read the rest of this entry

Written by Mary DuParri, MA, LPC

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Are there parts of yourself that you do not like? Do you sometimes wish that you did not have an angry part or a shy part or some other part that gets in the way of you being who you want to be? Do you feel, at times, that you have been hijacked by your emotions or that you are reacting to things in extreme ways that do not reflect who you really are?

Most of us have parts like that. We have parts that may be triggered by circumstances, by other people or by issues from the past. We have parts that silence us though we say we want to be assertive. We have parts that help us stay unnoticed though we feel lonely. We have parts that push us so hard to work and be successful that we barely have time for fun. Or, parts that push so much toward fun that we have a hard time following through and being successful at work or school. We have parts of self that worry too much and get anxious, or parts that get angry or sad more often than we like. We have parts that cry too much, eat or drink too much or sleep too much.

Many of us try numerous ways to get rid of these negative parts of ourselves. We try ignoring them. We try distracting ourselves with positive thoughts or activities. We set personal goals and create steps to reach them. We get motivated and focused and decide that once and for all we are going to overcome our negative traits. And somehow, the traits keep coming back.

Do you wonder why, though we are smart and well intentioned, we cannot get rid of these negative parts of self? Read the rest of this entry

Written by John Sovec, MA, MFT Intern

Click here to contact John and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

I recently had an experience outside of a local market that gave me a unique insight into how we can apply the practice of mindfulness in our daily life.  I was on my way to shop, going over my grocery list in my head as I drove, with my concentration primarily on remembering the ingredients I would need to make dinner for the evening.  As I pulled into the parking lot, which was quite busy, I saw a space and pulled my car in to park.  As I opened the door of my car, a man was standing there and he started to yell at me.  He was screaming that I had taken his parking space and I was a jerk (a nicer version of what he actually said) for cutting him and his wife off.  Read the rest of this entry