Category: Object Relations
The Good Therapy Blog
January 13th, 2012 |
But home is far away
In the Dark, we can’t make out the sea.
No stars point our ways to the shore
Wind comes from all directions
Cutting our bones.
By Wang Ping
January is a time of brisk, crisp, sparkling skies and clean air— an inspiration to get outside and get some exercise. January is cold wind and early darkness that feels likes an assault.
Sometimes I revel in the snappy skies, sometimes I grouse about having to wear shoes and boots and socks and sweaters. . . It can be depressing. I’m thinking about those times when the glass is less than half empty— it isn’t even there,... Read More
December 13th, 2011 |
In October, I wrote about going to China as a member of CAPA, the Chinese American Psychoanalytic Association, on a working tour of four main cities- Beijing, Xian, Chengdu and Shanghai. We lectured, visited schools and training institutes, and met individually with people who wanted private consultations. I knew I would miss my friends and family, and I was a little scared to go so far away.
I met many different people in a professional context - psychotherapists, psychiatrists, students, workers, and government personnel, but most revealing were the accidental encounters with the people who... Read More
October 10th, 2011 |
On October 20th, I’ll be landing in China (Beijing, to be precise), accompanied by a group of psychoanalysts and therapists who have been teaching and supervising Chinese student analysts in training, using Skype and other distance learning methods. I am psyched. I will see, in person, students with whom I’ve developed warm relationships, and it is amazing how close people can feel even though they are far away from each other. We’ll be seeing each other for the first time. Or will we? It’s more accurate to say that we’ll be meeting in a different dimension than usual; the two-dimensional... Read More
August 11th, 2011 |
If you remember from last month, Ellen had to decide about attending her friend Robin’s wedding, to be held in a far away resort- it would be a lot of fun, but Ellen didn’t have enough money to go and couldn’t take time off from her new job, either- she was scared she might be fired- she liked the job a lot, and jobs can be hard to come by. On the other... Read More
July 12th, 2011 |
Yesterday Ellen walked into my office looking annoyed and confused. “I don’t know what to do. Robin invited me to her wedding and I don’t want to go, but I think I should. It’s a destination wedding, a long weekend in Mexico- four days! It might be fun but I can’t afford it, and I can’t take time off from work either. But I have to go.”
“Why do you have to go?” I asked.
“Because of what happened. Her parents both died in an... Read More
June 13th, 2011 |
The far enemy of sympathetic joy is envy, and the near enemy is comparing.”
-From Devotion: A Memoir, by Dani Shapiro, page 199
How many of us go through our days comparing ourselves to others- who’s smarter, prettier, richer, taller, shorter, older, younger, etc. I don’t know about you, but I often catch myself telling myself that I’m doing it better, or worse, than somebody else. Whatever “it” is.
That was part of Ella’s problem. Ella worried; she felt guilty and anxious-... Read More
May 11th, 2011 |
Last night I dreamt that a woman with long octopus arms was breaking into my house by slipping through the cracks in the door, which I kept shutting, and she kept opening. When I woke up I heard the phone ringing- it was my daughter, who had been out late celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend. She forgot her keys and was locked out, and I was too deep asleep to hear her ring the door bell. The bell sounds had gotten tangled in my dream life, but the phone sounds broke in.
Once awake, I got up to open the door, kissed her and wished her happy birthday. She apologized, and I gestured my... Read More
February 15th, 2011 |
A client of mine who is currently “taking a break” for financial and other reasons wrote me an email letting me know that part of the reason for his decision was that he did not feel that our discussions about spirituality were a productive use of his time. Coincidently, we were at the point where he would have had to pay his deductible (meaning he would have out-of-pocket costs for his sessions rather than a small copay). He said he did not think he wanted to spend his time on “…that type of conversation” and that it was not really what he came for (even though he did say he wanted to... Read More
February 14th, 2011 |
Harvey is a young man who wants to do good for others; he supports his friends generously with time and advice; he likes to take care of people—but not of himself. I asked him, “How come everybody else deserves good treatment, and you don’t? Don’t you count as much as the next guy?”
Harvey answered that he doesn’t want to be selfish. He looked a little embarrassed, guilty, even. He has a good life; who is he to say he wants more, although he did admit that his living situation could stand improvement. But many other people have it lots worse than he does, as he was quick to point... Read More
January 13th, 2011 |
People at the Safeway on January 8 were grocery shopping, hanging out with their friends and families, and doing their normal Saturday morning chores; Congressional Representative Gabrielle Giffords was holding a “meet and greet” with her constituents. Then Jared Lee Loughner opened fire and all hell broke loose.
Six people were killed, including a nine year old girl; many were wounded, and as of January 9, Representative Giffords, the main target of the attack, lies in a medically induced coma in a hospital in Tucson, recovering from a point blank gunshot wound. Armed with a semi-automatic... Read More
December 13th, 2010 |
Richard came to treatment feeling angry, sad and resentful. He was scared that the man he was living with was getting ready to dump him.
“That always happens,” he said. “Just when I feel my life turn around, I get dumped. What’s wrong with me? Why am I always the one who gets left? I think we were in love, he says he’ll never leave me, but in three months he’ll be gone and I’ll be a fool.”
This was the third serious relationship that was not working out. Richard is handsome, smart, funny. He would seem to be an ideal mate, but he has a fatal flaw. He is very controlling,... Read More
June 11th, 2010 |
“I don’t have a creative bone in my body.”
“I’d like to learn how to draw, but it’s probably impossible.”
“I want to write, but I just can’t find the time right now. It’s hard to sit down and do it. I don’t know how to get started. Anyway, what could I write about? My life’s just not that interesting.”
Sound familiar? When people want to write or paint, or even start a home yoga practice, they are often stopped by fear, the fear of doing something wrong. So they get antsy and find something else to do, and forget the whole idea...
“I just need the right place.”
“I... Read More
May 11th, 2010 |
Two weeks ago I went to Antalya, Turkey, to attend the World Conference on Psychology, Counseling and Guidance, and to give a paper called “Two in a room together: yoga breathing and psychotherapy alleviate anxiety.”
Attendance was affected by the volcanic ash that closed many of the airports in Europe, but the spirit of the conference was not diminished. The repeated messages of almost all the presenters were two: the need for maintaining individual identity while connecting globally, and the superior strength of empathic democratic process over authoritarian methods.
These two messages... Read More
December 16th, 2009 |
"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." - Albert Schweitzer
Everybody says, “Happy Holidays!” But are you happy enough? Could you be happier, and… how can you get that way?
Research psychologists Emmons and McCullough, and Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh believe grateful feelings can bring happiness.
Although feeling grateful may lead to happiness, for most people gratitude has to be learned. Melanie Klein, an early Object Relations theorist, wrote... Read More
